HK sharingWe landed in HK International Airport. All bright and sunny! But it means it is very warm too! Okok both of us are super duper scared of warm weather! But well, the excitement of landing in HK is indeed heating up in us, though both of us are already very exhausted.

We took our stuff and queued to check- in. Were playing around with our mobile, trying to "tune" to a cheaper service provider (as accord to my limited research on the charges). Anyway we took the HK maps (dont know for what also), and books on HK shopping with us, excited
that Miss Mok is the HK spokesperson this year. I checked in first and then we went over to collect our luggage. You couldnt really recognise yours since you hadnt had any labels on it, and its the normal-luggage colour. First time I am proud of myself- got myself a yellow colour luggage! Easily spotted. So heavy to drag the luggage out, looking for our Focal's agents in HK, some Ann Travel I reckoned. Found them and so we had to wait for everyone on the list
to arrive. You went off to get magazine and of course food for us! Mango glutionous rice from Xu Liu Shan! Delicious.

Then when everyone arrived, we had to go over to our coach. Immediately we could feel the heat! So warm! Anyway we saw someone with a bouquet of flowers outside the airport so you were wondering which star is landing in HK today! I said - YOU! *smucks* Warm but happy. Not very much excited yet because all I can see is - construction, coach buses (not that I never see before), buses (when you see only buses, you dont get very excited either), roads, mountans and old buildings. Waiting for the glamour HK!

Dear Si Ying,

I am sending this email to you because of what I see of you today - arrogant, stubborn and wild.

First, lets talk about you being arrogant. You jolly well didnt see Mr YY, and even named him the public enemy number 1. Yes his attitude wasnt good, but you arent that graceful yourself. I dont understand your attitude. Work is work, so dont be too personal, can you? And its been a few days, so can you jus go up and shake hands?

Then, I will talk about how stubborn you are. You were on the bus and listening to songs. Which isnt wrong. But why do every song has to remind you of him. Why cant you stop it. I am so tired seeing you like this. And yes, memories are dead. So would you jus live your life the way it is.

Lastly, you are wild, arent you. No one own you a movie companion. In fact you had a wonderful night with the girls even though you missed the movie you wanted to watch. The girls did mention that you can go buy the VCD and they would drop over at your place to watch. Isnt that enough. And stop being angry over not watching it today. People do forget about things, so do you.

Ok thats all I want to say about you. Hope you can reflect on them.

Always there watching you,
Si Ying

Dearest Si Ying,

Firstly I have to thank you for your email. Seems like you have been paying attention to me. I shall now voice my opinion, that I am not arrogant, not stubborn nor wild, even though sometimes I wish to be so.

First, I am born natural to be nice to people who are nice to me, but I am not an actor. I cant admit to the world that Mr YY is indeed Mr Nice, when I cant regard him to be so. I didnt go about rattling him as being the public enemy number 1 too. In fact, I didnt even want to talk about that night already. Because I dont want to feel hurt again. And since I am not an actor, and I am still me, how can I be graceful in your sense. I can only be polite, and look in his direction as though I see nothing. And dont you see that his face is as black as the colour of his t-shirt - which in fact happens to be black in colour too. And no I have to disappoint you that I cant go up and shake hands to be friends with him. I am not arrogant, but firstly I dont really need such a friend and secondly I jus do not want to be friends and remind myself of how upset I can be in week 3. Anyway I will always be me, taking it as though it hadnt happen for I wouldnt want a face to face confrontation, spoiling world peace. But you cant be greedy and ask me to be friends with him.

Secondly, it jus happened that recently all the songs by May Day seemed to remind me of the past. I remembered it no matter where I am, how busy I might be or who I am with. It has infiltrated into my life such that I cant take it apart. Yes I admit I am stubborn but there is no cure for such defiance, is there? Because if there is, I indeed wish that it will help me in some ways. And yes memories are dead, but I am keeping them alive, which they (the memories) are keeping me alive too.

Thirdly, I wasnt angry for the record. I was more of upset because once again I missed it. It was something I wanted to watch, because it was something I know you wanted to watch, or if you have watched it. I am disappointed because once again I missed it, jus like how I missed `Yesterday once more.

I appreciate your concern for me. I hope my reply has indeed cleared much of your doubts about me.

Always thankful for your presence, but no thanks,
Si Ying

If there is one thing I want to tell you today,
No matter how busy I can be, every seconds came and went by thinking about you.

Thats my sketch book (where I draw my card designs...) and the card I am going to make... Finding time... And yap, as usual, this is all you can see. Final product meant for the intended receiver only * smucks*

Anyway jus send an hallmark ecard to wx. His birthday coming soon... And to AM, a Happy Teacher's Day greeting (delivered by Pinky Kitty..) No time to make so many cards for erm the coming one year, I reckoned. But the only time when I received more cards was my 21st birthday. Sigh. Bye.

Feeling rather unmotivated. Out of no reason. Everything in life seems alright. Well, maybe because "seems" is the word used.

But if you (readers) are thinking that it is the-you that is causing me to be unmotivated, no no. In fact, the-you is my only motivation and strength for my temporary short term life goal (to graduate). Anyway by the end of year the writing-resume, sending-resume and waiting-for-interview routine is coming back. And the everyday small interaction is sufficient enough to bring a smile to me. Nah jus that I reckoned besides daily battling with work - which I enjoyed it most of the time, especially having the freedom to where I want to be where I want to be on non-lessons time (Which is most of the time) - I dont have anything to think of already. THE! Nothing to think means good thing, but can also be a bad thing. So unwanted. Especially after the girl's night. Shucks. Aftermath.

Feel as though breathing is getting difficult. Dont know if I am getting sick (cant be, I have been diligently eating enough shares of fruits last few days), getting more tired (with all the lack of sleep and constant construction down the block ARGH!) or getting lazy or getting lost.

If there is one thing I want to tell you today, I am always this near yet this far away from you and your happiness.

Dear girl, please be strong.

Oh, did I say I am going to make a card! Yes once again! Got inaspiration so hey you, wait for my card alright! Hope that my card will brighten up your day ok...

But wondered where do I get the time though!

3 more Research methods reading before Sat's make up class (yes) + 1 more OE textbook chapter before next, next monday class (but if I dont read now, no time!) + 1 more OE reading before next, next (or next) monday + 1 GSM presentation on Thursday noon (how am I going to do without you, in front of PH!)

~ HK sharing
Continued from yesterday's. You came with a air-stewardness kind of luggage *smucks* Erm the moment you saw me, you dragged me to the counter, saying that we are late. I smiled. I dont have to worry about anything. So there I was in front of the counter, pulling out literally) the air tickets and stuff. Then checked in the luggage to realised that I left my make-up kit inside my luggage. Anyway it was a little mess but no fuss. Holiday is so near.

We checked in, finally. Walked about and talked. You were in a better mood but it has nothing to do with me anyway. Went around looking at the perfumes. Actually it didnt even appeal to me that we are leaving Singapore, that we are taking a plane, that its you and me only. But at any point, I know it would be an unforgetable bit of memory and that no matter what, I will and must always remember that I was once this happy.

Then we went to the toilet and I ended up calling my mum to let her know that I am boarding the plane and she wouldnt be able to contact me *smucks* We sat outside the waiting hall and chatted since you said its too crowded as yet. Anyway we checked in and didnt even hang around at the cold waiting hall for long before we could board the plane. You said I can take the window seat because you are alright with not having the view. THE! Who is the one who got also excited when we started to see land?

Anyway I was allocated the window seat too. Sat down and played around with the computer/tv screen in front of us. Looking at the map, distance to be travelled, time to be taken, time to arrive... Anyway we hadnt had much sleep the time before, so both were like uncharged phones- so lack of energy. Jus see us when we are so up and when we are so uncharged! We were chatting and one topic I banned you from saying is thesis. Anyway we talked about a lot of things, but I feel that there is this tiny lingering of sadness in me. But I guess it disappeared the moment we were in Silvercord, erm or rather arrived in Kimberly. And both of us were hungry, waiting for breakfast to be served. Oh and I am super duper dumb, couldnt find the toilet! Walked all the way to the end and walked right into the first class section. Opps! Walked the way back and erm you directed me to one. Anyway after that we probably fell asleep while talking. Woke up and started taking photos - of the clouds, then the sky, the sea the little ship, the land, the mountains, the HK! Oh the first few easily recognisable landmarks were tennis courts, swimming pools, moving cars, roads... Not my fault for pointing out tennis courts!!And briefly listened to canto music. How great!! And so we finally landed in HK.

Story telling continuing tomorrow. *smucks*

So exhausted though I hadnt done much today. Anyway heard the new Disney HK song - the Chinese version of Under the Sea. Used to have the english music clip erm but not now. The reason why I love Disney (besides the fact that I was in HK at the Disney- crazy times) is because they have lovely characters, bright colours and always full of passion. At least to me, they always seem happy.

Seeing some people wearing Birkenstock in school. At least hadnt spotted anyone wearing my kind. Will whin non-stop if I see someone wearing the same one as mine! Dont really like people wearing the same thing as me, though I know thats a childish thinking. But anyway thats why I love overseas shopping.

Today I was in the plain Gio white tee, favourite Meters Bonwe jeans, normal converse slippers, brown and 2-year old espirit bag. The more normal me, like those year 1 days. But you see, I cant go back to who I used to be, even if I wear similarly like what I always do.

~ HK sharing.

Going to talk about the wednesday morning - 13 July 2005. (actually many close friends heard most of the stories but dont know why I can rattle non-stop still) Didnt sleep the whole day- for various reason. Even so, I woke up, had breakfast, went to shower to realise that I am running a bit late. So had to hurry through and my hair wasnt that dried when I left the house. Dad drove me to the airport, dropped me off and went home (because he needs to fetch sister to school). Then I went to the toilet (super duper wary of my appearance, especially when my hair is wet). Anyway along the way to the toilet, I already spotted the Cathay Pacific counter. So smart for the first time *smucks*

Then was tying my hair up, but then decided to let it down again. THE! Then went to toilet, took out my air tickets and went out. Roamed about, sat in front of the CP counter, sat elsewhere because there was a big group there, took out my journal book and wrote something, took photo, went to level 2 and continued to roam, came down to level 1, walked away from the CP counter direction, heard my phone rang and I knew the time has come.. continue tomorrow!

Monday remains to be the unfavourite day of the week for me, a traditional since last semester. Anyway today's lesson is better with the 45minutes class activity. I get to sit outside of the class and do some discussion.

The highlight of the day has to be lunch with JT at clementi. Helped her collect her stuff and had been some time since she graduated. Talked about how we knew our other common friends, about my HK trip (which got me all so excited) and whats keeping me so THE (i.e. the friday late night thingy). She was asking me why Mr YY is named so. ANyway we got excited talking about HK and had the unofficial agreement that if she wants to go HK next year, we can go together. Me, JY, SYJ and JT! Bet hotel nights would be fun and noisy! Anyway seemed like everything has to wait till I graduated, which seems like the main life goal now. Until then, I cant hang around with my friends as often as I like! So left out.

But sadness bit came after the day's highlight. After we parted, I sat on the bus and felt the aftermath of a good lunch chat. Once again reminded how left out and lonely I am now. Dislike school because it carries the air of unfamilarity and coldness in my heart. Each time I walked like a lost soul around the small campus, I feel so awake and sensitive that there is no one next to me, that I am alone and without friends. The feeling of having something (i.e. in this case friends) and losing them when they leave you is a bad feeling. All I can say is that people are animals of the habit. Even if it is loneliness and sadness, they get used to them. Numb to them. Shucks.
I tried to control my tears from welling in my eyes as I brave myself for more such days to come. There is already this internalised sadness in me, so much so that I cant smile and happy like I used to. I felt, and still feel, so unwanted, unwelcomed and unbelonged. All I wanted is to feel belonged, whether it is in environment or relationship.

If there is one thing I want to tell you today,
I will help you achieve happiness. And until then, I will leave.

Another last thing to say before I get back to some proper work.

The girls were rattling about you or ND, which of no reason why so, especially the latter. Anyway one thing they concluded is that I tend to fall in love (for the record, not that many times also ok) with friends around me. Those I hang out alot with, those whom I got along, those whom I grew dependent to. While at least I cant deny it is so for JL and you. And so I reckoned they were right. But as for their rattling about ND and what not, all I can say is that if there is anything waiting to happen, I stand by the notion of the guys taking the first step. Of couse I said "if". Bet the 38s will be reading this somehow or another (especially since JY said that I
wrote love poems in my blog!). For the record again, not love poems! Jus my own whinning *smucks*

Anyway, still I love hanging out with my 38s! Got along with them since our Borders day! Next time must dig out the old photos we took during those times haha! Blog it and send to them! Need super duper much coaxing jus to take a photo. But dearest friends you see...

Shared with JY. Though I hadnt had much since the morning (yes yes), this is rather full. Missing HK food. And you. You are like my sleeping bug, forgetting me at times. 

Hk sharing
My super duper messy desk, littered with readings, stationary, receiver, mobile and lovely & fragant bubble gums from China. You see, I am still not sick of talking about it. Crazy girl. Been more than a month since I am back. But I guess it is because of you.

Ok, if you are sick of reading it, its alright. I think my blog is getting way too long. I should have such writing stamina for my thesis. Anyway today's about the pre-HK days.

The pre-HK days saw me searching high and low for Focal Travel, booking the tickets and making sure you are alright with the dates (with you away in Malaysia), texting SYJ and JY as to the things I need to take note of, surprised to find that all the tickets and stuff contained our names, starting to look for a decent luggage, starting to ask around for more luggages, getting a travel journal book (yes the extent of me and my love for writing!), trying to write down names of people whom I am getting presents for, trying to finish my internship, trying to leave early for my internship, not having enough sleep, thinking of instructions I have to leave behind in case the family needs something, thinking of the thousand and one (cant say it here)...

Then, the most-pre-HK days were inflicted with moodiness. You were in a total bad mood, spreading them all to me. While I remained calm to your mood swings and the i-dont-want-to-go-hk proclaims, I became rather unexcited about the trip too. But I guess deep down, I know I would love every single bit of it. Which I did. Anyway then I got busy with watching TV, clearing my email accounts, blogging my pre-hk-emotions, packing all the clothes into the luggage, hoping that I dont forget any piece of my make-up kit, getting nervous of it all. Oh not forgetting picking up tonnes of calls from all my dearest friends every day. But the most memorable has to be my SOS call to Zen. He must be rather shocked (though he didnt sound very much so) over what he heard, commenting that I had done all the precautionary measures and that I should stop worrying. JY even says that I could go over to stay for the 12July Tuesday night if I want to. Anyway I didnt say, but I didnt sleep a wink since 11July Monday night. I was on my bed the whole night and thinking about nothing. Guess it is a mixed between expecting-the-unexpected-disappointment and expecting-the-expected-enjoyment.


HK sharing
My heart didnt even need any instructions to  

The past
is the time I couldnt turn back

The present
is the world out of my reach

The future
is only a fantasy in my dreams

Maybe I wouldnt miss yesterday as much
if I am in today
So I tried to imagine today in my own colours 

You taught me independence
and the value of strength
by leaving

I learnt to not be dependent
and strong
by failed attempts

You taught me pain
and love struggles
by your life stories

I do not want to understand
hurt and love desires
with yours 

After much coaxing, all my 38s (okok dearest girl pals) finally agreed to pose for this photo. JY, GE and SL.  

Since Friday late night's episode, I barely could face myself calmly. I was rattling non-stop and thought of the best and only resort, that is to leave. Anyway after a night of whinning, I went back to reading Research Methods. A rather easy-to-read book, which surprises me to be my most favourite reading material of the semester. Maybe because it is easy to read, or maybe because it aids my thesis- writing. In between, I was poem- writing.

I woke up to a tiring saturday morning. Talked briefly to you and got on to doing a favour you wanted me to help. I dont remember a time in which I said NO. There is really nothing much yet I went to shower and cried. Silently yet so terribly, I cried. Till the water from my hair and my tears totally wet my face. I cant pinpoint one or two events that broke me down to tears. It is more like an accumulation of emotions. I jus know that I cannot deny you have once again
inflicted me with invisibly unmeasurable pain. I came out of the shower with swollen red eyes, trying to hid it from my mother. Which I dont know if she hadnt notice or hadnt said anything about it. You called again to talk about the favour that I have completed. But we talked abit about the-friday-late-night-episode. Only your words seem to make way into my brain. No one's else could. Everything in me seemed to calm down, including those bad emotions. Those unimportant things become even more unimportant. Finally I could give myself a smile again.
Once again, my life is scattered with your seemingly soothing presence and everything is back to more-than-normal.

Finally started on my much-needed thesis writing Page 1. 15th September Thursday seemed to loom over my brain-calendar too often for me to ignore already. 10th September Saturday faded back into the backdrop. I thanked God for the wonderful 21st Birthday party I had last year. I know fairy tales dont happen everyday nor every year. I guess the be-contented-lesson still works for me at this very moment.

Thesis Progress
7 working word documents on my screen
1 notepad WIP document on my screen
1 Adobe literature on my screen
3 file folders on my screen

For 15 sept 05 Thurs Meeting.doc is my main file. Splashed with pink and yellow highlights, black and blue font, everything remains under the required-massive-construction period. Not complaining though. I love hanging around at home, jus that the sleeping bug seems to hit me less often than I wish.

JY told me that the restaurant I recommended her (Cream Bistro, Pacific Plaza) is having a starhub promotion of sort. Wondering if to have my birthday dinner over there with my family and aunt. Wondered if I have the time by then. Wondered if I should go to Fraiser Suits Service Apartments for Japanese Food instead. Wonder, wonders and wondering. My dearest 22nd birthday is coming and leaving without you, again. My 3rd birthday with your presence yet absence.

Anyway suddenly thought of those birthdays celebrating with my sister and cousin WX. Their birthdays are two and six days from mine. We always shared a cake and do all the blowing-candles and food-feasting fun. Probably we can have something similar when WX is back. Didnt
even feel like he had gone overseas for a couple of years already. Feel closer to aunt than him already. Couldnt go on with my thesis. Reckoned it is fatigue. So I brushed my teeth and tried to go to bed. But tears kept me awake! You see, I heard May Day's Content over the radio and each sentence seems to bring about hurt and memories again. Okok I know you are sick of
this, but I am too. I am sick of talking how sad I am (trying to write more when I am happier) though I am not sick of thinking about you yet.

Then I took out my college photo album and realised that they are all fond memories. I guess its a good thing to always know that I was happy before, even if I am not happy now.

18days to 15th September Thursday (to meeting my supervisor)
13days to 10th September Thursday
??days to ??th ????????? ???????? to seeing you

Sunday went by super duper fast. Woke up and went to school for project discussion. Not used to working without you. Though I got along well with all 4 other guys (Mr YY should want to know that), I still prefer you. Anyone else is fine.

Went down to PS and realised that there is no tickets for the movie I desperately wanted to watch (ever since coming back from HK). Then the two 38s actually werent so keen on watching but came down anyway, jus to gather together. Even asked ND to ask Lido if there are any
tickets left and my dear 38s didnt want to go there. So ended up whinning to ND over the phone while they decided to eat at Cafe Cartel. SL came down to join us too. Anyway this girls' night is long over due.

Conversations revolved around Project Superstars (everyone seems to know someone in the competition, how THE!), my HK trip (wasnt a deliberate topic but ya those girls were all excited about it), about you again (you are such a big part of my life, to such an extent) and the girls' love life (all started by GE). Of course, I ended up with the "normal, as per usual" answer. It didnt really satisfy anyone still. You revolved about much of their questions but I had nothing to say.

If there is one thing I want to tell you today,
this has gone to a point where I am used to feeling the pain and loneliness. Yet I know you are healing from it too.

Because of what happened today (the heated discussion and the call), I reckon I really need time off. I dont know time-off for what. But I also reckoned that my life for the next few days will be bored and hence no reason to blog either. Dont ask me why, reason being I also have no answers to it. I will go sleep now, wake up and do work tomorrow and saturday. Then go jogging on sunday (hopefully) and discussion in school.

After a much heated discussion over MSN for the choice of topic (explain why it is heated later), suddenly I feel so tired yet awake. Tired because I realised that I didnt have your protection. No longer have. Now I have to do everything on my own, face my enemies (not that I treat them as enemies in actual fact), walk on unfamilar paths alone, cry in the corner, and pretend to be brave. Awake because now I think I forget who I am already.

But I know there are alot of friends around me who are supporting me, consciously or sub-consciously. JY, always there to talk to me, to tell me to move on, to have lunch with me and ask me to hang out with her. Though hadnt known nd for a long day, erm couple of days in fact, maybe weeks, skip the maths, I always feel comfortable talking to him. At least I think we belonged to same wavelength.

Ok I am super duper tired now, but I cant sleep. Still waiting for a call, if any. [done with a call that I shouldnt have answered.]

Heated discussion
Actually I am never forceful. Ask any of my friends and they will give you a blank look. They say I cant even scold people properly. But I truly think I am so 3-8 jus now. This is because I had to stand firm. This is the first time I am doing this without you. I want to insist on the topic because I know this is a good thing to do. And I am very tired. Yes today I am happy, but I am very tired. Whether is it physically or mentally or emotional, I am very tired. I can break down and cry because I want to say that I think it is a good topic and I want to get it across and end it. I mean, jus think over the topics and decide later. I dont know how the conversation prolongs till I have to sort of defend the topic. It makes me feel so bad to try to "force" them to accept my idea. But the thing is because I am very frustrated deep down. I want to get offline, I want to do nothing but face myself. Because I dont know how to face you also.

And erm how pink is my room. I get such questions often. Haha! Zen came to my birthday party last year and said that he thought he would find my bedsheet/ bedroom all pink in colour! keke *smucks* ~ HK sharing for today ends here.. Where is hello kitty!

Thats Hello Kitty Number 2. Actually if you can see at the bottom right, it is Hello Kitty Number 3 (pencil holder). Too lazy to take another shot properly! 

For ND's information, ND, if you are reading this, this is Hello Kitty Number 1 in my room.  

This is better! 

Ok I can settle for this too! Haha... 

This is featured in the magazine that I bought from Hk, and saw it on TV news today (in which HK is reported to be infaturated with Hello Kitty). Argh! I want this! I bet if I am in HK now, I would drag more Hello Kitty back! I want anything Hello Kitty! I know at the age of 21++++++ reaching 22 super duper soon, this is childish. But I am a child at heart! Okok I know you will start your nagging, so I shall stop here.

While in school, I was preparing for project discussion supposedly to be held on Sunday (thanks!) and I am amazed this must have been one of the rare times. I dont do that in the past.

The past
We would often brainstorm the choice of our project topic over lunches (and it is always you who came out with the brillant ideas), over TV, over the phone... Anything but a proper discussion. Didnt need that! Then we would spend most of those periods practically doing nothing much. No worries too, because it seems like we worked best under pressure. Deadline-pressure I mean. Even if we meet every week (remember IA?), what did we achieve? Erm some initial headways
but nothing critical nor important. Then many early and long lunches. Throw in some shopping trips. Then the deadlines will loom over us, normally with me reminding you during one of those long and almost daily phone chats. And since we are in the same class for almost all our lessons, all the project deadlines will come at once! Haha. Pressured? Stress? With you around, the only thing I can feel is tiredness! Remembered the IA & CF semester? We felt as though our bodies are coming apart, eyelids too heavy to open, brains too packed to absorb anything else, all the time are spend on reading, even over Chinese New Year.. Tough yet thinking back, both of us enjoyed those times most, even when our sundays are spent in school, running around buz and law faculty, affording only Mac for dinner.

Anyway remembered yesterday I said I must be contented with things? Yes, despite the one thing I want to tell you today, I am still very much contented. And you know something? Being contented breeds reward too. My reward was when you called yesterday. Was around 11:22pm already. Trying to hurry my printer to finish chucking out my readings and I already switched off my mobile, leaving only my MSN switched to BUSY (lazy to personalize to ABOUT TO SLEEP) mode. Then my home phone rang. Didnt even think it would be you, it would be for me. But that one hour chat is my reward for being contented with what I have. *smucks* So I must continue to be so.

Then WY came over to lunch with me. YIPEE! Think all my friends kinda know that I dislike lunching alone and if I do, I would skip it. Yet one thing that striked me today was when I was lunching with WY, I saw YH eating alone. Didnt ask him to join us mainly because he isnt our common friend. And he looked alright eating alone, though I dont know if anyone is alright eating alone. But I asked myself if I am being too childish and over-reliance such that I always need someone to sit opposite of the table, talk and eat with me? Without any answers, I can only say that I am fortunate enough to have you with me for that two years.

Anyway, I finished today as though with you by my side. Our text messages never really stopped since 8am all the way till 7pm. Made me feel as though you were with me once again.

Wanted to end but I remembered something again. Its about addias (or adidas). If you dont remembered, let me introduce him again. He is the first person I saw when I came into Business School for tutorial (exclude lecture, because I was late for half an hour on my first lecture and couldnt remember how the rest went). If you doubt my memory (which on other occasions I would agree as well), then you are wrong this time. He left me with a deep impression because of many reasons. One reason was because he had shades of brown hair back then, and he was in my first tutorial class. The second reason was because immediately after my first tutorial was my second tutorial, and he was in the same class too. Since lessons in our first semester were arranged for us by the school, must have been quite a coincidence. Another reason was because the perception of him being very filial when he brought his parents around school. The reason for this is because I feel that even though my parents would drive me to school, they never got down and went around the place in which I spend lots of time in. So after that occasion when I saw addias bringing his parents around, showing them the various places, I brought my mum around too. Dad didnt really want to leave his car that time. And because my mum hadnt been to University before, words like "lectures" and "tutorials" remain a rather abstruct concept. Which I understand totally, especially now. Because like when you were telling me stuff about your work, the best picture I could draw is also part of my imagination. Your workplace becomes the impossible land for me.

Anyway continuing with addias. Though we were in the same classes for four modules (two from the first semester and two from this current semester), we never really talk. Despite YY being our common friend, we also didnt have a chance to talk. Subsequently he did talk to me once, because he is leaving for exchange in York (the same place I would have been to as well). Anyway, all my friends who saw him before (coincidently all my close friends "met" him before) didnt think he look nice at all, except ND who said he looked alright. But I guess when I like it, looks really are secondary. And looks are secondary to me. Perhaps because I am not pretty, so I formed such a perception. Or perhaps because I really look beyond appearances, especially in my partner. Who wants a handsome lad who cant stay faithful in a marriage? At least not me. I think the most beautiful marriage/ relationship comes when my partner loves me, when he is reliable and faithful. Simple.

Still not done with addias. Anyway he was doing his GSM presentation jus now and since our group is presenting next week, we wanted to know if reports are required. So I asked him, and he is really friendly. But thats all we discussed. Hope that I can know him, personally. I know this is real long. If you are still here, either you want to read the end of this entry on the I-want-to-tell-you-thing, or you really finish this. But anyway thanks.

If there is one thing I want to tell you today,
it is that I will trade anything for the time together. In any way.

HK sharing...

Hadnt wore this, but this is another pink piece I got. My friend was commenting that how am I supposed to wear if I am buying all in pink. But my reply is - I dont need to wear them all at the same thing. No one is too crazy (unless you are the one from my faculty) to wear a big red tight track pants with a pink top! Anyway this is from Robinhood, a London brand that I have grown to like. Too bad I couldnt find their website (anyone knows? SOS!!!). And if you watch Zhen Qing, the youngest son of the family aka Xiao An is often spotted wearing this brand.

Guess the price? It doesnt look but sure it costs me around SGD 5. Argh! Where to find this quality shirt at this low price!?! Should have gotten more from their store, dumbest me! 

Wondered why I am always so tired by this time of the week. Maybe because I didnt sleep well yesterday and all the previous tuesday. The!

For the first time today, I didnt really realise you were missing from near and around me. Maybe because JY came over to lunch with me. The dear girl must be glad not to take photos *smucks* Anyway ND came over. Hang around till he has to leave for lecture.

The reason why I didnt miss you, maybe was because of yesterday. Though short, any interaction with you will bring me back to the past. Yet sometimes it is not the past I want. Its the present, the future. So I am missing all your present-s, all your futures. Yet again, another reason why I didnt miss you, not exactly because I didnt miss you, but rather because I heard this new song over the radio. This new song by May Day (who has it?) is titled: Contended (literally in chinese). It sings how it is impossible to hold on to the summer breeze, and if I fall in love with your smile, how am I supposed to hold on to it if I cant make you smile. Something or that sort, if you trust my Mandarin. It touched me because many times we/ I get too greedy such that we want everything and anything. Maybe this is the time that I should feel strong without you. Jus today, I reckoned. Anyway ND's been great company, such that even in the same LT, I nearly forgot we were once there.

Going to start a little notey thingy (me & my own english invention). Will write that one thing I want to tell you each other as I end my blog entry. So today's below...

If there is one thing I want to tell you today, I want to tell you that I am contended of everything I have because of you. And I hope I remember it myself.

Hk sharing...

This is another skirt I bought. Since my sister likes it, leaving it for her to wear first. Got it in Shen Zhen's Ba Ma Shi Chang. I cant really remember the actual price, but reckoned its around SGD 18+. It fits me quite well, a good thing since I couldnt try it. All thanks to the persistant salesgirl that I ended up buying it. If not I might regret since it is not a expensive piece. My friend was telling me to buy it too since the salesgirl is already so persistent, taking out her measurement tapes to convince me that I can fit into it.  

A story I wrote: Old is strength and new is alien

If productivity and happiness need to be chosen, I would take a cut in productivity for that little while of happiness. Maybe you can comment that I am too much an emotional person, I am ok with that. I maintained my view that I can earn productivity back again but not necessary for happiness. Even if money and happiness were to be put to test, I would still choose happiness. Because as much as money can be earned, happiness might not always be the case. When happiness is given, and you have to give up some money, I will jump for it. Even more when happiness is to be allocated. Maybe the eventual conclusion is that not only I am emotional, I am also dumb, I will still take it. And for all I am saying, I have not yet denied the importance of productivity or money. I am jus saying that I place other important things as my priorities at times. But people like me are ill fated. Jus pray for luck, fate and destiny to change for the better.

How to describe how I am feeling now. Tired but happy yet bottled up. Anyway I am focusing on the happy bit because it is good to be happy and because I don’t get especially happy all the time. Anyway was on the phone for almost 2 hours. That’s why in the midst, I missed some MSN messages and text messages. Anyway my own eventual conclusion is that my previous conclusion still holds. And my previous conclusion is that although you are far from my life now, you are still the strength in my life. Maybe you (who are reading this) wouldn’t understand what I mean nor the reason why. All I can say is that I am alright as long as I know you are somewhere there. I know I can’t expect you to be with me all the time, not as though like some guardian angel, but I am learning. Learning to live life without seeing you all the time, without hearing from you all the time, without knowing what you are doing all the time, without telling you everything all the time. I am learning, very hard in fact. If I am diligent at my work, then I
must be super duper zuper diligent at learning to be strong without you all the time. I can’t declare that I have succeeded, but learning will bring about improvement. Maybe in the long term, the day will come that I wouldn’t even notice your absence.

And, the bottled- up feeling is all because of being in a noncontrived setting. Elaborate? Nah. Same old ailment but no complaints from me. Like you, I am a very family- orientated person, a very homely one too. So as to matters of noncontrived setting, everyone will experience that. But I learn to appreciate, talk less and remain as myself.

Free day tomorrow. Thank God my project mates all have lessons tomorrow so no project meetings. Anyway sometimes I have strong objections (not rejections- will explain thedifference at the end) for some behaviours (not people - will explain at the end too). Firstly, I still maintain the fact that don’t write because you have to, don’t talk because you are required to, and don’t
agree to two opposing views. Secondly, the beaten path is not the only path you can take. Thirdly, don’t maintain that you are always right because even directions offer you the LEFT path. Lastly, I still enjoy doing everything with you especially after "opening" up to "new" aliens (explain the use of this word later).

In terms of studies, I think technically I am doing 1.5 thesis and 3 literature reviews because of the requirements of the other 2 modules that I am taking. But not complaining, at least not at this budding stage. Plus it is writing, writing and more writing. Good for a inspired-writer-to-be. Weird for a finance major though. In terms of school life, I love freedom but there is this thin line between freedom and loneliness. But between aliens and loneliness, I stick to loneliness. Bad.

Further explanation if required,
The usage of the word "objections" meant that I dislike something but do nothing about it, while the usage of the word "rejections" meant that because I dislike something, I refuse to have anything to do with it.
The usage of the word "behaviours" meant that I am being neutral and trying to analysis based on actions and not targeting at anyone in particular. Even if biases already exist.
The usage of the word "open" meant that I am already taking everyone's kind advises and opening up to people.
The usage of the word "new" meant that I am still very unfamiliar with it/they.
The usage of the word "aliens" meant that as much as I am opening up to new people, I still regard myself as the outliner or them as aliens.

A story I wrote, titled: Inferiority & Interruption

When you gotten yourself a good job, I know this is the time when reality will show clearly of my inferiority. But inferiority has never eroded that sense of happiness for you, my friend. In fact, the correlation between inferiority and ecstasy is high. The more inferior I might feel, the better your job will be and the happier I am for you.

When you started your first day of work, I waited for your call. Waited to hear your greatest adventure, loudest pride and brightest joy. And I heard that. I heard all about your lunch adventure. I heard your pride, but not arrogant, for clinching this job. And of course, no complaints. All of a joyful spirit.

When you ended your first week of work, I know you still have lots of activities to engage in, loads of reports and spreadsheets to read and much sleep to catch up on. So I look forward to not hearing from you. Expectations and familiarity breed well in me. Well, I heard nothing from you and wanted myself not to disturb you. All these have since evolved to a sense of serious inferiority. And it also triggered off to sincere wishing that I would find a good job in a year’s time.

The writer’s note
As much as inferiority has since taken a significant place in me, inferiority will not overtake and override all and everything. Determination, strength and courage shall try to thrive in a challenging environment.

Hk sharing...

Bought this from D-mop, a very famous brand among HK stars, in Silvercord, Tsim Sha Tsin. My super ultra favourite piece. Love the colour - between peach and pink, so I called it the peach pink. Cost me around SGD 40 but the super duper dumb me thought it was SGD 20 and without a second thought I tried, got opinions and paid for it. Never been so swift. Come to think of it, if I know it costs SGD 40 I would still buy it! My favourite colour you see. Also, I like the design, not too complicated yet unique. Of course this photo was taken in the hotel room. On the top right hand you would see my mobile, luggage locks, RMB, coupons...

This adds on to my collection (those that I can recall) of mini skirts (not very mini though)- a baby blue bathroom material kind, grey with orange threading as design, white, brown, red and pink strips... Not wearing skirts recently all because of the rashes I got from the mosquite bites. Waiting for them to fade away. Argh! 

Thats what I bought. Mum said its nice, so I can declare loudly it is nice too. Nah. Anyway though I like any designs of Gizeh, I am afraid that I wouldnt get used to it and the front bit will hurt my feet (ya I am quite sensitive with what I wear, ask JY, she knows!)

Anyway, mine is Oder. Design - Power Flower Cream. *smucks*

Price Tag - SGD 129

Thats Papillio... a brand under the Birkenstock brand... 

Went off to do some shopping for Hifil but the Clementi Guardian didnt carry it. After which we went off to Wheelock and I gotten myself a Oder, a pair of Birkenstock.

Something I wanted for quite some time. At least I have been rattling about it all over my blog more than once. But seeing my site is still without any photos of it, seems like my enthu and excitedness for it fade in pale as compared to you.

I was right. Your week has been exciting. The two and a third hours of conversation on Day 2 is my reward. And only reward. Or maybe it is jus a consolation prize.

I was right - right about what. Right about how busy and packed you are. And so I resist my hands from reaching out my phone and call you. Then I brave myself jus to see you online but not click and talk to you. Even buying a pair of birkenstock, you would be the first to know in the past, is not a piece of news to you already.

It is not because I didnt want to talk to you. It is jus that knowing you have a great life ahead of you, you have so much in store for you, talking to me now is like a chore. I feel inferior in taking up your time already.

Anyway, when my life doesnt have your companion anymore, I must now find enough things to keep me alive. Things to keep my spirits high. Things to motivate me when I wake up. Things to keep my smile. Things to keep me going.

My only consolation is that you are happy. But the cruel reality is that I only get to hear you when you are sad, when you are unhappy. Still, knowing that you are happy, that is a consolation.

Had great difficulties trying to get some sleep last night. Anyway, nothing much on for the day. Jus the usual reading-notes, watch-tv, pick-school-clothes (sometimes when I get too bored, I
will pick up what I want to wear for the week) kind of lifestyle.

~ Hk sharing...

We love supermart shopping. At least window-supermart-shopping. Maybe because we hang around too much, been to too many places, still have lots of time left (though they are all becoming the past already) so we always love supermart shopping. Especially the shampoo/ hand cream and the food (i.e. ice cream) section. Thats why we spotted the Orange Tea shampoo (I am using it on some days, and Apple & Papaya on other days). And you are finally convinced that Coca Hand cream is not oily on the hand. Anyway our habits continue while we were in HK, though it was something you have always been doing when you are in HK. Anyway because shops dont open before 11am, so between the time we woke up to the time the shops open, plus away the time we took to finish our breakfast - thats the amount of time we have to do supermart shopping. But it was quite different when we were doing supermart-shopping in Shen Zhen. We were terribly glad that finally with a trolley, we could let down our shopping carriers, be refreshed to start on another shopping spree. Things are cheap, you kept screaming. Especially when we calculated how cheap each bowl/ cup of instant noodles is. And with all the things we hadnt seen before, we were on cloud number nine. When it comes to paying time, it is ultra ecstatic. Looking at a trolley full of goodies and the whole long list of receipt and then the little amount we paid for - under SGD 30!

And supermart shopping is a habit that will not fade away in me, even if you can not be with me anymore. Going to talk about some of the purchases I made in HK. Shucks. Seemed like its over a month since I came back but here I am, still rattling about it. Bet you must be tired, sick and disgusted by it already. Never mind.

No wonder I am still in school... so kidish! 

After some colouring...  

Created from Disney- HK. Thought was rather cute. *smucks* 

[Edited]

Singles are lonely species on the planet. At least for people like me. At 7:30pm on a Saturday evening, I went to bed. Was so sleepy since I spent the whole afternoon reading notes, finding literature, talking to my sister, backing up files, checking emails, watching TV over dinner. And this lonely creature woke up at 9:30pm. Ended up finishing up one reading and then proceeding to watch another hour of recorded TV. Back to printing and reading notes, as well as blogging. Great.

But besides being single, another reason is also because I am too lazy and too homely. Especially during the school term. Reading makes me tired, restless and sleepy easily. So even if I do have dates from friends, I feel most comfortable lazing around at home but at the same time screaming at the lack of things to keep me out of boredom. Contradicting girl!

Its quite a different thing when I am working, i.e. during the holidays. I love hanging around with friends and of course shopping, since working allows me to spend my own money. All such activities usually stretch all the way into the later nights (i.e. 9 - 10+ pm). Otherwise I would spend these evening doing household chores, chatting on the phone, and watching TV non- stop. Well, such lifestyle is waiting for me at the end of the road. Touch wood! Its the end of April! *smucks* Definitely looking forward to that, mostly because then I would be of the same "lifestyle" as my friends.

The school days meant Orchard on a Saturday night is rather rare for me.

Also, everyone at home is asleep already. Even my mobile is especially quiet over the weekends...

Jus trying to play around. Anyway can someone tell me where can I download the PhotoShop program free? I searched all over but dont seem to find it. Instead I found free brushes/plug-ins/ features download but not the program itself.  

Friday night was unbearablely bored and lonely. Was reading my notes till I finally sat in front of the TV and watched some funny shows.

Now I know whats missing in my life. Because it used to be about the process, now it seemed that with me alone, I no longer have anyone to talk, to share, to go to school with. The void you left behind is huge and irreplaceable.

Sometimes I really dont know if everything will still be the same. If I dial your number, what is the first thing I must say? I mean in the past, I could say anything. Now, I wondered what excuses must I use to call you.

~ Today's sharing on HK continues.

Going to talk about how planned or how unplanned our trip is. Firstly, I only packed my luggage two nights ago (because you arent enthu about it), while you only get your HKD & RMB the night before. Secondly, we briefly discussed that we would meet in the airport " around 6:30am". We didnt say the actual timing, neither the place to meet. But do we need to? Guess not. We would jus happen to hang around at the same place, around the same time- we do that all the time, dont we? Obviously I was earlier and guess what I did while waiting for you - visited the toilet, went to the second floor and roam the place, sat and wait, took a photo of myself, write, looked at my mobile... Thirdly, the moment you came, you jus dragged me to the counter to check-in. The counter girl must have been shocked to see me digging all over to find the relevant documents. And I was taking my make-up kit out from the check-in luggage so that I could use it on the plane (refreshing make-up). Except planning to go to Shen Zhen (which we also didnt do much of a planning except by asking the people from Focal Travel if we need a visa to go there), we didnt do much planning. Nor discussing where we want to go! The thing is because you had been there for numerous times, so there really isnt such a need. Also, the days before, you arent in the good mood. As for the last day, we didnt plan to check out at 12noon. So you called up the reception the night before to ask for a check-out time at 1pm. They agreed. Following that, the heat wave on the last day was super duper unbearable for us. Walking around Granville Roads for merely a few hours was already very exhausting. So we went back to our room and slept. Called up the reception and told them that we wanted to check out at 2pm because we had some friends coming over. Haha! And we got our way. Neither did we plan to have separate seats on the plane back, but since I was already half-sick, it makes not much a difference if I would sit next to you. Well, thats about it.

Ok thats the QOO drink. I bought another QOO product - Think it is the Mixed Fruits Flavour. Probably can get this flavour here but the unique thing is that it comes in the Original Japan Metal water bottle! Yipee! Bought it in Sogo HK. Uncle Jeff is going to Japan soon. Will ask him to help me buy! Anyway going to HK soon? Help me buy something -
- MONDAY magazine (available in Singapore but slower and it doesnt come with the weekly gift that you can get in HK)
- Packed Yuan Yang
- Food!!!

Yap, thats taken from the top :) I have no special liking for bubble/chewing gums but well sure do like this. Think it will make a good gift for friends, especially when there are flavours like coffee... (will post photos up of the coffee one!) 

Bought this in Shen Zhen though later realised it is available in HK's 7-11. Sugarfree bubble gum! Its super duper cold in the inside. And not too sweet either.  

Bought this from HK. Cant get this in Singapore as it is MADE IN JAPAN. Anyway its grape yoghurt drink. Super duper cool! Not too thick nor milky. Jus nice!