A story I wrote: Old is strength and new is alien

If productivity and happiness need to be chosen, I would take a cut in productivity for that little while of happiness. Maybe you can comment that I am too much an emotional person, I am ok with that. I maintained my view that I can earn productivity back again but not necessary for happiness. Even if money and happiness were to be put to test, I would still choose happiness. Because as much as money can be earned, happiness might not always be the case. When happiness is given, and you have to give up some money, I will jump for it. Even more when happiness is to be allocated. Maybe the eventual conclusion is that not only I am emotional, I am also dumb, I will still take it. And for all I am saying, I have not yet denied the importance of productivity or money. I am jus saying that I place other important things as my priorities at times. But people like me are ill fated. Jus pray for luck, fate and destiny to change for the better.

How to describe how I am feeling now. Tired but happy yet bottled up. Anyway I am focusing on the happy bit because it is good to be happy and because I don’t get especially happy all the time. Anyway was on the phone for almost 2 hours. That’s why in the midst, I missed some MSN messages and text messages. Anyway my own eventual conclusion is that my previous conclusion still holds. And my previous conclusion is that although you are far from my life now, you are still the strength in my life. Maybe you (who are reading this) wouldn’t understand what I mean nor the reason why. All I can say is that I am alright as long as I know you are somewhere there. I know I can’t expect you to be with me all the time, not as though like some guardian angel, but I am learning. Learning to live life without seeing you all the time, without hearing from you all the time, without knowing what you are doing all the time, without telling you everything all the time. I am learning, very hard in fact. If I am diligent at my work, then I
must be super duper zuper diligent at learning to be strong without you all the time. I can’t declare that I have succeeded, but learning will bring about improvement. Maybe in the long term, the day will come that I wouldn’t even notice your absence.

And, the bottled- up feeling is all because of being in a noncontrived setting. Elaborate? Nah. Same old ailment but no complaints from me. Like you, I am a very family- orientated person, a very homely one too. So as to matters of noncontrived setting, everyone will experience that. But I learn to appreciate, talk less and remain as myself.

Free day tomorrow. Thank God my project mates all have lessons tomorrow so no project meetings. Anyway sometimes I have strong objections (not rejections- will explain thedifference at the end) for some behaviours (not people - will explain at the end too). Firstly, I still maintain the fact that don’t write because you have to, don’t talk because you are required to, and don’t
agree to two opposing views. Secondly, the beaten path is not the only path you can take. Thirdly, don’t maintain that you are always right because even directions offer you the LEFT path. Lastly, I still enjoy doing everything with you especially after "opening" up to "new" aliens (explain the use of this word later).

In terms of studies, I think technically I am doing 1.5 thesis and 3 literature reviews because of the requirements of the other 2 modules that I am taking. But not complaining, at least not at this budding stage. Plus it is writing, writing and more writing. Good for a inspired-writer-to-be. Weird for a finance major though. In terms of school life, I love freedom but there is this thin line between freedom and loneliness. But between aliens and loneliness, I stick to loneliness. Bad.

Further explanation if required,
The usage of the word "objections" meant that I dislike something but do nothing about it, while the usage of the word "rejections" meant that because I dislike something, I refuse to have anything to do with it.
The usage of the word "behaviours" meant that I am being neutral and trying to analysis based on actions and not targeting at anyone in particular. Even if biases already exist.
The usage of the word "open" meant that I am already taking everyone's kind advises and opening up to people.
The usage of the word "new" meant that I am still very unfamiliar with it/they.
The usage of the word "aliens" meant that as much as I am opening up to new people, I still regard myself as the outliner or them as aliens.