jus me: 11/01/2005 - 12/01/2005

Can I not go back to Marina Square ever.

But the fact is, I am going back to Changing Appetites at Marina Square for dinner in less than 24 hours later. I dont mind the place

(though the Far East Branch is definitely better, with its yellow walls), and I dont mind the food. But I jus cant go back to Marina Square again.

It is bringing back too much memories to me.

As much as the gals had loads of laughter throughout the night, at the end of the night, all I could feel is pure loneliness. Newly renovated Marina Square must have been one of the last places we went around shopping. It reminds me of the memories that I attempted to hide. I tried very hard to see myself in the light of myself. And myself only.

If there is one thing I want to tell you today
Can we go shopping again. Soon.

I so want to cry. Again.

Am I happier at the end of the trip? I dont know. But I sure hope the gals' nite will do magic to my broken heart, disheartening soul and tired mind. Hope for some nice food also.

And one BIG resolution for next week is that I need a trip down to East Coast beach. I would want to cycle for the whole of the morning, sit by the sea by the afternoon, feast on steamboad (one of my favorite) and ice cream. A true break from work, from the phone, from the computer, from the mail-box, from everyone and anyone. I so need to embrace in the hugs of mother nature, I so miss the sun, the sea, the sky and the breeze!!! Now, I need a companion for all that!!!

I was on the train and felt like crying. I think I am this stressed-out. The fact that I dont want to talk about it, the fact that I dont talk much, the fact that I am not sleeping, the fact that I am refusing lunchies, the fact that I get so focused, I think I am super duper zuper stressed. Tears kept welling in my eyes but I held back. I know some day soon I will burst out and cry. But not now, not today, not on the train.

So I went walking around on my own (so dangerous to leave me all alone!). Disappointed not able to get my favorite envelopes. Might get them later. Then went around window shopping. I tried on a 3/4 (as seen in the photo) and thought it looked cool. Waiting for the Xmas sale. Trying to make myself happier.

Because I realised, I am a big bully. I love to make my life miserable. ARGH!

15mins - To force myself to wake up
20mins - Prepare to leave home
45mins - Train journey
19mins - Meeting
15mins - Photo taking, and sitting by the singapore river

Bored-me jus completed the presentation slides for meeting # 2 (???) with Company I-cant-say-which-it-is for my thesis. Thought it would take me 1.5 hours to do it but done now.

Ok so tomorrow's meeting is at 10:30am at some building in the CBD area. Then its gals' nite! With the two undergraduates done with their examinations, it should be a more relaxing night than the last one. Yes, yes we are heading to CA, Marina. Erm oh yes dear me is due back at the same place on Thurs with another group of friends for dinner.

And yes I assume you saw that little note at the bottom. Nah, other social activities for the rest of December is unplanned. I hope there is still at least a cycling trip, some shopping trips, some food hunting activities... Ok lets not be too greedy, but do you mind to throw in another 3D2N to somewhere near? That thought is keeping me alive! Even if I might not be going eventually, the idea jus keep me alive. Jus like when I hang on there till I reached HK? And how I would be hanging on there, to be in HK next year, and to be the most appropriate darling gal.

If there is one thing I want to tell you today
Are we going? Talk to me because I want to tell you something about the airt ticket and hotel fares if we are going.

Nope, not sleeping yet. Probably will throw in another 2 more hours of reading my journal & typing. My hands are aching!

I reckoned dear me needs some sleep. Badly. But anyway I am still typing the points into the word doc. Erm, a couple more days and I shall finish with all the journals I have (I hope). And I reckoned my depression that occured to be a couple of days ago is due to the lack of goals in my life. So yes I shall start weaving some goals for myself.

Very short- term goal
Food hunt? Cycling? Shopping? (Gals' nite not considered since its happening tomorrow!)

Short-term goal
3D2N to that place?

Very-middle term goal
Finishing thesis

Middle- term goal
Found a job (I just want to feel so belonged!)

Long- term goal
Found someone I can truly call him my dear and thereby throw away my resume for love! Erm and thanks to all my dearest friends, who have been showering me with terms like my darling gal, gal, sweetie and dear. Though they sound so THE!, I kinda like it *smucks* But the question remains: Am I still your darling gal if I tell you that I will not be making it?

And thanks Zen for the directions and JE for his concern.

If there is one thing I want to tell you today
We are all looking for our dear.

Create your own resume - for the application for the post of a girlfriend. (read previous entry) Better still, like my friend, go create your love index/ spread and what not!!

Maybe because there is nothing else in my life so I am working nonstop. Or maybe because I am working nonstop so there is nothing else in my life. Spend half the morning chatting. Thought it would life my spirits up a while, but ya "a while" is really a short while.

My computer will love tomorrow. She will see me away from her for a while. At least long enough to make a trip to Changi, a meeting and back. Sigh. A lonely journey.

If there is one thing I want to tell you today
I only believe in forever if forever exist.

[v3]

My friend said this is interesting, so I am posting it here. *smucks*
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*
Resume. Application for the post of a girlfriend.
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

Tan Si Ying
[address here]

23rd November 2005

[name- of- the- guy- you- like]

Dear [name- of- the- guy- you- like],

APPLICATION FOR THE POST OF GIRLFRIEND/ WIFE

I read with interest your possible “recruitment” for a girlfriend/ wife. Knowing you for some time, I like to express my interest to apply for the above-mentioned position.

As a finance major graduate (2nd Upper Honors) from NUS Business School, I have acquired significant business knowledge. Hence I would be presentable in front of your friends and relatives. Also, we would (hopefully) not have much problems communicating to each other (unless…).

Outside of my education, I do housework as well. Ironing is my expertise. Even though washing of clothing is pretty much left to the washing machine, I might require some time in learning how to use it, hopefully by then the machine is still in the right condition to get those clothes washed. I don’t cook well, unless you meant sandwiches, instant noodles, (all kinds of) fried eggs and simple dishes of vegetables. But I can learn and I am a creative cook, looking at the 101st sandwiches/ egg dishes I can come up with. Hence it might not be that bad if we would to have egg dishes every day. I would assume this level of household chore to be rather adequate, at least at this moment. Otherwise I would have applied to being a maid.

I love sports and music, a variety of them as well. And I wouldn’t mind if you watch soccer news all day long, and watch soccer all night long. That is, if you have another set of TV around in your house. I listen to all sorts of music, so I reckoned one kind or another would have been something you listen to. I love to watch dumb TV programs, those that do not require me to think much and funny to watch. So probably you could have a laugh with me too. I love shopping, and I wouldn’t mind to shop for your share too. That is, if you would occasionally pay for them while not nagging too often at me. I am alright even if you maintain your boy’s colors (white, blue, black, all shades of grey and dull green) and fashion (t- shirt and polo shirt). And I reckoned that means you would be alright with my style (as according to my mood). I would love to blog but I am totally fine if you aren’t into reading them. Even better, in my opinion. But it might be rather loving if we could maintain a blog together. That is, if.

Because of my rather work- driven nature, I am not sure if I could spend a lot of time together. And my mood are often tagged to my work. I get excited over a good presentation, but I cried over a not- to- my- standards one. However all these would slowly changed if we do have a plan for a family. Because eventually I am still a very family- oriented girl who believes in bringing up my children, providing them with a good environment to grow up in as well as taking care of the needs of my husband. But I reckoned for now, spending time in computer lab, and libraries are fine to you too. Also, I don’t really have a night life, except for the occasionally girls’ nights and class gatherings. If you would like to know, yes I love to chat over the phone. I don’t mind chatting over msn, but phone is preferable. If you would jus like to listen, that would be fine too. I can do the talking.

Well, that’s about it that you should know. I would reckoned you would already have some understanding of me- I love to travel; I am rather emotional; I cry too but you see, I have my friends so you might not worry too much over this; I have a close friend whom would chat with me almost every day so even if you can’t talk for too long, I am alright too; I can be rather dependent yet independent; I sometimes have mood swings; I love coke.

Hope to hear from you soon. Thank You.

Yours faithfully,

Tan Si Ying

~ Cute? *smucks* My friend is starting to write one also (but dont want to let me read!). But its copyright! Unless you get my permission haha *smucks* As for guys, you can change the wording appropriately. Though resume is ready, who am I supposed to send in to? *smucks*

Anyway dear me is due to go to this place with-has-only-bus-35-but-no-bus-stop-aka-at-Changi t-o-m-o-r-r-o-w. Erm, dont ask me where is it, because dear me has rarely stepped onto the soils of Changi except our airport. So when I was told that I can take bus35 to that place but there is no bus stop, I was like, erm "Where is this place!?". SOS! Someone meet me for lunch!?

~ Anyway I am spending way too much time in front of my computer. I think I am barely leaving that seat. Either I am gathering points for my thesis (see previous entry, point 1), or I am calling up companies, or blogging. Maybe my computer doesnt really like my face already. She is sick of me! But please keep reminding me that there is happiness on this place called Earth. Jus keep reminding me not to give up because I might forget!! I mean its tough calling up companies and getting them to help. *sob* *sob*

Something is wrong with me. I am not happy. But I am not sad. Its jus that I feel empty, a great sense of uncertainty and loss. How can I know what is wrong with me.

If there is one thing I want to tell you today
I understand everything you are going through precisely because I went through the same process as you. Thats you.

Sometimes I dont know if I am too strict on myself, or otherwise. Ever since Monday (when I handed up my RM Term Paper), except for one night, I hadnt been sleeping well. I dont know if I am innately stressed out, but the fact is, I am sometimes so sleepy. Yet, I jus wanted to sit in front of the computer all day long to do my thesis. Currently there are 4 big things I need to do for my thesis.

1. To go through my journal, pick up points for my Thesis and organized them in my-Thesis-style.
2. Learn SPSS (ARGH. SOS)
3. Contact companies to have them get their employees to help me do my questionnaires
4. To start working on my draft-dont-know-number-what-thesis (basically I will work from where I stopped for my RM Term Paper)

And I get totally irritated when I cant sleep but cant work. Super duper more irritated when my productivity is low. Shucks.

However, on days when I am not stressed or depressed, I didnt think I have a thesis to worry about. In fact, I have this mentality that "tomorrow will be worse than today, so I am good and happy today". Ok I know no one thinks in such a manner but me. But at least with such a mentality I really feel better every-today.

If there is one thing I want to tell you today
I dont want to tell you my worries because I dont want to cry.

Depression.

If there is one thing I want to tell you today
I feel like going to nowhere without you.

Another game that I am playing...

Yipee! So sweet. So cute and so fun!

Obviously bored, I am stuck at home doing my thesis and listening to songs by Fang Li Sheng. Anyway I was looking through my CDs last night and I found some of the photos we took some time ago. The photos you see were taken in May. In school and in Goodwood Hotel. A day which has since quite changed our fate. Yap, the first time when we took photos together. Also found the photos of the many cards I have made in the past. So nice! At least I think they are rather cute. I have one more for you. Are you there to collect it.

If there is one thing I want to tell you today
I hope you are, my dear friend. I know I cant help. And it is of no use for me to understand even.

Life after examination (for the past 3, 4 days) still revolves around a computer. Besides the little time off to engage in christmas-card-making activity, as well as some TV indugles, some sleep, I am working on my thesis. Writing emails, cuting and pasting, pasting and cuting, sending emails, receiving emails, reading emails, deleting emails, clearing mailbox, calling companies, calling HR managers, going to school (yipee)... And trying very much to also read through my journals and get the key points down in a very organised manner.. so yap, my weekends would be pretty devoted to that, despite my friend's advise in "getting a life out there".

If there is one thing I want to tell you today
I will be there when you need me. I will be there even if you dont need me, in case you would need me.

After coming back from HK, I rattled about HK non- stop. Even till recently, I was still talking about those times in HK. Those nights when I jus came back, I kept thinking of the fun we had. I lost 2kg and much interest in food. The happiest thing isnt about how nice the food is. The happiest thing isnt about how much shopping we could do. The happiest thing, instead, is how nice is it to have you as my travelling partner.

Really hope that we still have a "next trip". To wherever.

If there is one thing I want to tell you today
Really hope that we still have a "next trip". To wherever.

HK Sharing is back (ok maybe I will hear no responses). But I have one good news. My dear TP is going to HK in Dec 05 (which is next month) for 6 days. Not initial's 12 days. Haha! *smucks* Still I can anticipate luggages and luggages of stuff. Sigh.

~ 21 Days of HK Sharing

I went back to the room feeling excited. You were on the phone then you put down. Asking me where I have been. I refused to say, wanted you to guess instead. You didnt really guess but I told you anyway. I reckoned I was still very "high" from coming back from the Peak. Anyway the night is filled with me drinking coke and trying to sleep as well. Oh yes, not forgetting that you have once again bought loads of stuff (cant believe in!) and you said you would have to depend on my finances already. *smucks*

Sunday, 17July05 (On the second last day)
Dressed in Mickey tee and crown-shorts, we headed out early in the morning. Went to post my postcards first!Next, we went to take the promotional ad Sammi did for Veeko. Erm you said such embarrassing things can only be taken in the early morning with no (lesser) one around.

Anyway we head to The Sweet Dynasty for breakfast. Loads of people in the morning already!On the menu, there are dishes like- fried chicken with kiwi and orange (argh), spare ribs with strawberry, fish fillet with mango, fresh milk mixed with ginger juice in coconut. Aiyo. You had fish porridge (I also want!) while I had wanton noodles! Delicious. Drooling.

After that we went around to Miriam Shopping Centre. Erm to use the washrooms actually. Any shops are not opened yet. And yes there is this shop whose name is "Cutey". Woo!Anyway we went back to our hotel room and laze around. And yes then we decided that we shall head to the salon. I hadnt even decided if I want to do something to my hair. But well sure, it was a super duper nice activity that we did. Love my hair. (read previous post for details). Anyway then we (you) wanted to have lunch at Itamae-Sushi. But its super duper crowded too! Jus couldnt believe it. Plus we were both hungry, so decided on another japanese restaurant nearby - Sanpach. I would give it a thumbs up! Super delicious and filling. Anyway Railway Mall (Spore) has ramen ramen that I thought was rather comparable too.

As if lunch wasnt enough, you wanted mango dishes from Xu Lu Shan while I had stuff from 7-11. Their curry fishballs is nice! Erm, why we jus dont have it in Singapore?

Anyway we went back to Miriam Shopping Centre, wanting to get something for my mum. The weather started to turn warm and I remembered that I was sort of throwing my temper. Jus kept whinning and whinning about how warm it is. Was so irritated. All you did was walk and occasionally whine with me. *Smucks* Thanks.

Anyway because my hair is now rebonded, so I wouldnt wash them. *Sob* Was so scared that I would forget and wash my hair! I think we went back and slept through the remaining afternoon. By the time we woke up, the sky turned dark and I exclaimed that we must have sleep for a long time. Initial plans to head to Stanley beach is thereby spoilt. *Sob*

Wanted to go there mainly because we could take a bus (yes I hadnt taken a bus in HK as yet)and because you hadnt been there before (so we could once again explore).

Headed for dinner. Got ourselves ice-cream from the ice-cream van. But nothing special. What a letdown. Anyway you had dinner at Maxim's Fast Food while I skipped dinner. They dont serve very nice food anyway.

Anyway we went around shopping and yippee I got myself a pair of shorts. Real cheap! We got back to our hotel room. After shower, I wanted supper. Haha! So I got you to go over to 7-11 with me. Thats around 1am already. I so love the freedom I have during overseas trip. Something rather scarly happened. We were watching TV on how HK was hit with heat wave and while we left for 7-11, you asked me to switch the tv off. Yes our TV "on" is "off" and "off" button is "on". So I pressed "on" to off it. Tv is off but as we walked towards the door, it switched on again. So you "forced" me to go back to switch it off. While I walked back, the tv switches on again. Argh! This time we were so frightened that we ran out of our room, across the corridor and took the lift down. Of course I gotten another "scolding" from you because "I told you not to switch on TV already, dont believe me". We decided that if the TV is still on, we need to get the housekeeper here. But luckily, the TV is off when we went back. We crossed the road and came to 7-11. This time I noticed the poster that is promoting the Hello Kitty pins. I looked carefully again, trying to see when had the promotion ended. But to my horror (it hadnt ended, unlike what the salegirl told us) and surprise (it hadnt ended, so it means we can get them). Thats it! This is the start of our late-night-7-11 shopping spree. And yes I had received enough scolding and whinning from you, because I was the one who made you come down and I was the one who pointed out that Hello Kitty promotion is not over yet, and once again I was the one to point out that they sell loads of nice Disney products.

Anyway I think we spend about S$20 dollars and gotten 4 Hello Kitty pins each. What did we buy? All Disney products and supper and coke. Suddenly supper becomes less important. And I tasted the worse food in HK. Sha Ma from 7-11. And in order to prevent us from fighting over the Hello Kitty pins (Oh yes please remind us we are already 21 odd years old), you made me take 4 while you take the remaining 4.

I think we slept around 1pm? Haha I fell asleep while listening to your scolding.

Monday, 18July05 (Last day in HK)
I woke up before you. Finally I am the one who had to coax you to wake up. We have many places to go. To Avenue of Stars then Huang Da Shan (which is rather far away from Kimberly). Breakfast is cake from Ok I think its quite long ago since you were there. Because we had a hard time trying to find where Avenue of Stars is. Asked two security guards. Think they were rather irritated that we jus dont get their instructions. We walked through Avenue of stars once, jus taking photos and sight seeing. Walked through the second time to realise that the handprints of famous people are on the floor. Erm who would know that! Aiyo.

Anyway the weather is super duper hot. I even exclaimed that I will no longer complain the Singapore weather hot! Erm but I think I did. Haha. It was so sunny and bright and warm that both of us felt really fatigue. We didnt even exchange much conversation, couldnt squeeze out a smile and jus kept frowning.

But being first time at Avenue of Stars, I still managed to take loads of photos. Jus couldnt get you to take photos with me. *Sob*. Anyway if you hadnt known (well I didnt know till I was there), the view you see is similar to what you would see from the Peak. Jus that this time the view is across the sea. Think it would have been nicer in the evening. Next time! And its quite a breathtaking sight, jus like Pudong in Shanghai.

Then we headed to MTR, took the train to Huang Da Sin. I jus followed you around as you prayed. Reminded me of the many temples I visited in China.

I am starting to feel tired. Anyway I reckoned its good that I felt tired. Otherwise I would feel sad that we are leaving HK again. The sad bit wasnt really about leaving HK. Or the leaving the happy times we had. The sadest bit to me, at that time, was that it might jus be the last time we would be having a holiday together. I know by the time we reached Singapore, we would have very different lifestyle. And I dont see us going on a holiday soon again.

Anyway we went back to Tsim Sha Tsui. Wanted to have lunch soon so that we can head back to sleep. Went to Spagetti House and ordered their economic lunch. Had vegetable soup, spagetti and cheese cake. Yes we were so tired that no one felt like talking. We kept whinning about going back to sleep! Decided to take a sleep back at the hotel, we crossed the super-duper-warm street. It is really very very hot! But by the time we reached Giordano, we got stuck there. Why? Dear giodano has introduced a new line of clothings (third time in six days)!! SOS!! Its disney series. I resisted in getting another tee while you ended up with a tee. Yes by the time we reached Kimberly all we wanted to do was sleep, sleep and sleep. The air condition is what we needed! We were supposed to check out at 12noon, but you called to ask to check out at 1pm. At almost 1pm, I called to check out at 2pm. Had to ask a couple of times before we got permission to do so. "No more delay" the girl told us. Lazy us remained sleepy under our blankets! Its jus so comfortable, lying in the cold bed. 15minutes before 2pm, we woke up in shock. Had to pack our stuff and ready to check out. Otherwise they would literally throw us out. We left 8 (YES!!!) of our luggages with the lobby while we headed to the very warm streets. Had to exchange my shorts for a bigger size. Anyway, we didnt want to waste the remaining hours we had. By this time, we had quite enough of shopping and both of us were starting to miss home. Because we were super duper tired and rather broke!

I got pants for my mum, while both of us got ourselves super duper cool socks too. Then we decided to rest at the lobby, because it is simply too WARM! Started to take photos while hanging at the lobby. Anyway you are staying at Kimberly this Dec too. Its such a nice hotel!! I am missing Kimberly too! Well, after staying for 6 days, its our home in HK! I got myself lemon juice from 7-11 while you had mango and curry stuff from Xu Lu Shan.... we waited for the bus to come and get us to the airport. You fell asleep for a while too.

Anyway thanks to the porter, our luagge were put safely into the bus. And while the bus stopped at another hotel nearby, we finally saw the Fang Li Sheng poster. We saw it once but none of us could recall along which street. So yes two crazy us were trying to take a decent shot of Fang Li Sheng on the bus. I dont know him till you introduced him to me. Well, I love his songs too. Love those times listening to them in your car.

Anyway we each took a seat on the bus. Little did we know that we will not even be sitting together on the plane. But well both of us were very tired and for spending 6 days together, I reckoned by then, we needed a break from each other, as much as we still wanted to hang around together. Or maybe it was jus me. Its quite an exciting thing to reach the airport again. I didnt get to see much of it when we arrived. Anyway many counters were not operating because there is some hurriance at Taiwan so flights to Taiwan were cancelled. And yes I was taking photos of the newcaster who were reporting news from the airport.

Our last meal? We jus have to eat something right! You had cakes and then we had pork chop rice from Da Jie Le. Delicious I must say. So delicious that I couldnt stomach much of the plane's food. Haha. Couldnt even finish the ice cream.

Anyway by then I was having a fever and sore throat already. I think I was being rather grumbly too. Sorry that you had to tolerate this side of me again. And yes for getting dinner for me. I was still scared to go queue up and place my order, especially without you by my side. Well, I was rather irritated with the heavy luggage that I have to drag, so you had to carry the Lao Bo Pin for me.