I love map reading, with google map that is. First I seek out the list of them, then I google for their online presences. If they are within my preferrences (first cut: budget) then I will find its position via google map. There and about I tried to find those roads I see in the screen on those paper maps. Those legends (I actually remembered they are called legends!) and grid lines help.

Maybe, for the most mountainous of all. It gets a little obssessive because when I look at photos of rooms, I take note of whether the curtains are drawn/not, and if they arent drawn whether I can see those mountains/not.

Put it/them away from me, for the things that I would not have I should not have it even for a second.

It was, as I've experienced and said, the fear of pain that is more frightening that the pain itself. And that could be why it was when I sat down to dry the hair that the tears rolled as though it was then that the pain came up.

It is getting discouraging and encouraging then discouraging.

This must be one of the discouraging times.

If there is one thing I want to tell you today,
I stumbled upon an article about the concept of Forever. And this is what I have to say of this word that I hardly use, and barely find things that can be described by it. But like you never say `never, you never say `forever. The fact is it may not necessarily good to have it (last) forever. "...forever, has to last forever. thats the only reason for its existence. if even forever does not last forever, then nothing is working right in this world. its just that we cant find things that last forever to make it seem as though there is no forever."

My taste buds must have been one of the backdated around. I(we) had been going back there for steamboat for as far as I can remember.

Imagine those buildings were mountains instead.

The clouds have moved, but if you have the curtains drawn halfway up/down, you would not have noticed it.

In any case, you would not have thought that the sky isnt blue even when it is filled with clouds.

Lets keep it this way.

*

They must be kidding to play Let it snow, let it snow, let it snow over the pool, which is almost snow-laden on most days already.

I should remember to bring along the flask of hot water.

*

No more circles. Jus keep walking forward.

It is the Nov/Dec symptoms, it must be- some people randomly call up others for some supposedly meaningful year-end-catchup-and-closure gathering and make it sound like some big thing. Do they go down the phone book list (maybe its the Facebook list these days) because how meaningful can something like this be. Maybe we should all have our own litmus test- if no conversation had been exchanged in the past six months, dont bother.

While since all theories couldnt work, then rely on- get it over and done with.

Entertaining is not a form of charity. I rather be caught sleeping at home.

And so, it seems like the 36seconds clip was never going to be part of a song. But still in my world it shall be, that 36seconds of it.

In a split second I felt asleep in the class when it was about Data Tables.

Giving me something to do for Saturdays seem like a workable idea. I stop wasting time though there is always a struggle between needing some time for myself to relax and having too much of that.

A stock-check- at least the year, that is about to pass, seems alittle more accountable even if at the same time I hadnt seem to achieve anything. When the year comes to an end, we'll do a proper year recap and a projection.

And you know its almost Christmas when you hear christmas songs playing as you dip in and out of the pool. Of course the rainings (and flooding) remind you nevertheless.

She is growing well despite the cold.

One reason why sometimes things dont bother me is because I cannot be bothered with them. Other times I had it hidden so well that it no longer will bother me. Things will pass, things will get better, nothing matters, the race is still long, I always remind myself. I want to wake up and face a new day, afresh and refresh. Swimming helps. It helps alot, especially when all the energy are focused on something physical.

Maybe this would appear harsh and unfamiliar but I am still very much who I am minus moments of thinking of the past. Having bad memories help anyway. Jus dont keep me in the cycles.

And its not denial. It feels great even if I cant feel anything.

If there is one thing I want to tell you today
Nothing. I have nothing for the past.

I've resisted listening repeatingly to the 36seconds clip of a short piano piece with Jay's Vani. But the only consequence from (over)doing what I like is to be sick of the song by the time its out and the risk is low. For this, there is nothing to hide.

I was told that oh my god is one of my pet phrase. Today was one of those days that I wanted to scream oh my god. But that was only for a moment, for that moment. What had happened was again a blur between a win and a lose, and while I have no way to be judgemental, I was judging myself constantly, which tires me down.

Maybe I should jus take a week off and do nothing at all. Absolutely.

And that 36 seconds preview of what would be a piano piece had me sticking by the player all night listening to Vani has a date, lets enjoy.

This is already the 3rd this week. Not very coincidentally, there was something similar last Christmas.

Because everyone else was away, I could play the music quietly at my place and when it doesn’t rain it sure looks brighter with the window shades up.

Grandma remembered that I have shown her the previous card. This looks like the previous card but did you notice the 5 little flowers popping up that makes it different.
Are things always what we remembered them to be, or are memories always better than they really were. At least it was the latter for me so now I stopped looking back.

I was the only to think it has ended but life never work out the way you thought it will. Jus like when the shades will be up for a week, it wasnt going to be a sunny one to have much rays. And maybe much of it has ended but as much has survived, the same kind as though it was never meant to be yet somehow meant to be still. Is there going to be a decision, and if it will automatically be a wrong one.

It does feel like the flowers are blooming in winter.

If you kick the waters hard enough, you wouldnt notice the rain. I am either very optimistic or live well in an enclosed cell.

Why am I in a hurry,
I am not

Why am I not in a hurry,
I didnt have a choice

Anyway I think its almost winter and so has swimming becomes a winter sport.

There is a tinge of downside emotions and maybe it is due to the frequent rains. It feels as though something is lost when nothing is lost.

I probably need to develop some photos to attach along but their flight details are as follow:
Orange-yellow: going to Paris
Blue-green: going to New South Wales
Cream: going to Garmisch-Partenkirchen
If I have the time I will get one along the way to Barcelona too.

I might have overworked for a Sunday. For perhaps the unobvious stress of list of To Do, I woke up at 9am again. Cleared up some of the mess in the room, read the papers, did olive oil treatment for hair, go through the policies, write the christmas cards.

I think I need a swim again.

They make my day

Left: (the name of the card) Raincoat with green boots
Right: Flowery girl in blue

Alien's christmas

Up the mountain; totally very garmisch-partenkirchen. I miss that place.

Yellow autumn

What made my day were the two mini art spree and saturday's class that ended early. And shopping for art stuff at Big Bookshop, the neighbour bookstore (alright, they have three other branches and I knew it only today), is rewarding. Neighbourhood bookstores, like wet markets should be allowed to exist in our midst of expanding networks of MNCs.

I cant say I am creative but I love art, more specifically I love crafting. Maybe I hadnt tried harder but I feel stuck again. Without more space, without more meaning (in doing more art), without more inspiration, without more time and without more energy- I feel stuck.

But at the same time I know half of me is too practical to find sense in doing it for a full time job. Or perhaps I wasnt good enough to justify such.

I jus feel like stocking up on felt in all possible colours (I sort of have that in threads) and to buy up more art resources that I've always whine over its overly priced tags.

And at the same time I am lamenting over the lack of (a free) photoblog platform. Does anyone know one?

For the internet is crawling still, this post has to go out without a photo.

Crab soup noodles

Today's the first time I had this again since I left school. They dont serve it everyday but I used to love eating it. Though I dont remember the tomates in them.

I supposed food is one of the only thing from the past that I am willing and ready to be nostalgia of.

If there is one thing that I want to tell you today
We may have always moved on, but our taste buds remind us of the past.

There is no universal rules I suppose. The best earning stocks are those that go uncovered by others, but you are more likely to read a bestselling book or watch a popular film.

So in any case we (I) should work according to the way we want/work and then it shouldnt be considered as being resistant if there is no one right way anyway.

My childhood (and still currently my) favourite snack

I'm bad with leave planning. Other than consuming them in bulks for any overseas trip, I never get around to planning them until facing the risk of their expiry. Randomly and on the last minute basis, I actually applied for a day's leave for tomorrow.

Sleep comes first though.

Clocked another weekend of study, and sure I need the glasses

A stack of parcel came, which made my day

If there is something I want to tell you today
Dont reach out to me as and when you feel like it as if I need it; maybe one day I might miss it or wish I made a different decision, but I will also always remember there is simple logic behind the decision I made and I dont simply turn back to the past all that often

How many times do we see the whole christmas tree from one standing viewpoint- when we often only see half the life's reality

How many times do we see things differently- the card can be a horizontal one, or vertical

My obsession for using the christmas tree as the main design remains though instead of strands of papers they are now felt.

Lets try to sort this out

1. Why do some people think that they have the right to be imperfect jus because the world isnt a perfect place to start off with
2. Why do some people still try when they cannot be bothered with
3. Why do some people come and go at their own discretion

What went by the day before were the swim, the period, four hundreds or so of thank-you greetings and one of the most funny and entertaining Dinner and Dance 2009.

Somehow it takes much longer to register how the alps would look like during summers despite the fact that I've been to GAP garmisch-partenkirchen in the summer, much less intuitive than trains/train stations/railway tracks.

Ski resorts in summer- that thought is enough to keep me awake way past the usual hours.

In fact, it seems that I cannot wait to now be reading up on the possible few cities, one of the most enjoyable and enriching reads. Secretly I am trying to find cities linked by few hours of train rides and I am already smiling and missing those (yes, my favourite) lovely train rides amongst the clouds, mountains and postcard-blue skies.

I cant wait