A sense of loneliness came dashing... Even if you might not be back by 19May, I still wish you would. I know things would be better with you around. At least you gave me the confidence I can have, and the peacefulness I need desparately. I know I will wish for so, more then.. I know I will miss you on 19May.

this is the link to the eng version of sun yan zi's yu jian
http://www.3705.com.cn/music/MP3b/qunxing/yuanse/3.wma
very nice and meaningful...
(courtesy of my fren)

Nothing new in my life except
-1- realised im quite good at ironing
-2- chatted through last nite, from 1 plus to 4 plus am... haha
-3- must had had too much sleep already
-4- hope to fall asleep earlier tonite

I am hurting inside. Maybe because of a friend.
I didnt say so earlier. Because I didnt want to pass it to you.

Because a friend wrote something in friendster so thought of posting them up here.. hmmm always interesting to hear what others have to say of you, since the most common time to hear all these from your friends are when you arent alive. and they always will say the good things only...haha..

-Si Xian- Besides a love for thinking, dreaming, and writing, Siying LOVvVes to compile stuff! yupz yupz... so Biz@ders out there, if u hate compiling your project, then Siying's the girl to have in your project group!! =P The poor girl is a confused soul, can neva make up her mind if she wants to go for exchange *haiizz* Dun be fooled by her simple demeanour, I suspect she can be veeEEery ba gua... ... hehz. Most memorable moment I had with her was when our project group stayed in skool the whole Saturday to tackle a hideous Corporate Finance project and Ms Siying had a asthma attack in the evening infront of all of us... although all of us were worried sick, she was very gung- ho... refused to go home and insisted on seeing the tutorial assignment to completion. Eh, Siying cannot like that leh... die how??

-Hui Xian- hmm had been friends since sec sch....went thru happiness and sad moments...hehe...guess to friend like this wld be hard to come by...especially when u see some people for one sem..n the nez they are gone...hope we will stay in contact.....meet more often..hehe....n try to stop me when u see me in sci...cause most of the time too tired too look rd....hehe...or too blur!!!bt dun call me when u see me rushing..cause i highly possible late for class!!!hehe....

-Xavier- very cute ger... loves to talk a lot... mmm... very helpful at times and smile a lot... sometimes like crazy lady... but very fun to be with ... ;p

-plans for the holidays-
craftwork
cycling
draw
dream
holidaying australia [hopefully]
holidaying china
holidaying hong kong [possibly]
housework
meet up with friends
music
photographing
read
sleep
shop
swim
tv
weekly jog
write
volunteering
yoga [possibly]

what a list?!? alright, i didnt include -finding a vacation job- this time round. guess holidaying in china might disrupt the whole thing. but wasnt really keen to find a vacation job that keeps me 'off' holiday, think you get what i mean. though earning money seem as attractive. kinda of lazy, kinda of tired. I guess the more important thing i need to figure out is - what i really want. Perhaps i am at the crossroad. Or perhaps my mind has been wandering about. But i guess i lost sight of the future i envision, and its time i find my way out. Or around...

You know sometimes the shorter term goal is different from the longer term future. And more often than not, dream and reality are beyond my control...though i hadnt given up on my ultimate dream- two of them... Should think how to progress nearer to both of them !?!?!

Should start planning for the holidays... Actually i have been doing so, jus that not much concrete stuff... all waiting for confirmation... life and its waitings...

Came to school to print something... my friend might be coming to school later... waiting...

Much better now... jogging tomorrow... looking at my cousin's photos now.. very beautiful!

Nothing near good. But its ok. At least this feeling will not affect my studies. It affects me. I try to avoid.

I know its tomorrow already, but I hadnt sleep for today, yet. Jus didnt want to. Guess its jus my stubborness. Let me be stubborn this moment. I always have been, so does it makes any difference for one more time? Anyway, this is how I want to feel tomorrow...
`I want to feel relieved (because I know there has been alot of things that I am carrying, emotionally) `I want to feel hopeful (because I know it is hope for tomorrow that brings the sunrise a different shade) `I want to feel loved (because I jus want to feel so) `I want to be me (because I want to face the reality of what I am facing now emotionally)
Jus wanta say something to the two dear friends who are there to hear me...
Dear sy
Magician says its mushy to say thanks and stuff like that, but its girls' stuff I guess. At least its something good to say, otherwise if there is no other time, this will be the time to say what thankful words I have. Like the sms you text me today. It makes my nite. If not for you, I guess I remain to stay away from most in uni, because I started my uni life telling myself that I can do it alone. Such a person like me exists huh. I really told myself that, and the kind of lifestyle I had then jus says it all. And I thought only by doing alone can I force myself to be independent. But I am very thankful that by some forces I know you, because you are a true friend anytime. (you know who said this ya?) "You will remember the toughest time also, because thinking back it brings you that much memories also". You know today, while I was packing, I kept aside some stuff that I would want to keep if all else are gone... including ia project, a tutorial that charles did (and is still with me), a tutorial solution that you wrote, the marked ob homework, the ia mid term (haha, dont have much of a marked work given back)... alot alot others... And haha guess what, the radio is playing your fav song now (that very fav one "love me")...
Dear magician,
I really wish if you are a real magician, because if you are, you will make your wish come true and then you will also make my wish come true. Because one day I might give up hope, and I am scared the day might be here soon. I live on hope, and yet I live on my own thinking. I have come to this far again when I begin to wonder whats going on in my life. If there is nothing, or if there is something.
And I didnt write that - I want to wake up to be happy because I know that is more far fetch that the three points above. And since it is the homework for me, I can change before submitting ya : ) As being a good day for me, I think tomorrow is going be turbulent, dont know why, its jus an instinct.. So me...
I thought was jus a little note for both, yet it went on like an essay- length... but dont forget, my asipiration is to be a journalist... this thing keeps popping up in my little, tiny brain recently. Maybe because of the tough semester that makes me feel like going to the working society, or because there is a person in the working society that I want to relate to, or it is jus that growing urge of mine to be a journalist... And the thing about the threater studies module, actually what is the code for that module. I really wanta do it...
And lastly before I either go to bed for yesterday, or I should get myself drown in words/ music/ tv...

" I wish it is you,
you as the happiness I hadnt know yet
My pals will know my envision for my future even if they migrate to mars
And let my future includes your presence"

So much happened in a nite.... in the day, also...

What can I do when I could only think about you.
What can I do if I do not know what you are thinking. Feeling.
What can I do when I jus want to know you more.
Because I am jus so far, you are jus so distant.
I jus hope you know it is you.
Or let me know if you are the right one.

After the last paper, my friend and I went for a bite. And...
While back home, I have many things i want to do. The first hours of "freedom" is always so precious that you wouldnt want to jus sleep away. I packed my notes, jus so much. Now they sit on my shelves. I start burning the cds that I owned into my computer. One by one. Suddenly I have the urge to listen to all of them. All of those songs that I love while I was younger. They are all memories. Then, I start picking up my memories and have them sit aside from the rest. I know what I would be doing for later, tomorrow and the day after.
Now, I felt relieved. I felt free. I felt as though the 4 months have finally ended. I know it wasnt the easiest. In fact, it was the toughest semester for me. And I think some of my friends. I felt as though I can cry. You know me, I am jus so emotional. And when I received an sms from my friend jus now, tears welled up also. The words touched me. Short, simple but I will keep that sms in my mobile for long, long time. Finally the semester ended for me. Jus like this. Not really "jus like this".
And happy 21st birthday to Jasmine, if she sees this.

I dont know why, but I know I will be missing you
and tears welled up in my eyes.
I held it back. I didnt want to cry.
If I cry, it means I really miss you.
I dont want to know the truth
The truth changes reality, and I dont like it
I dont like all these.

Waiting and looking forward- they might be the doing for the same thing, but the former is relatively more passive than the later. More passive, as though taking on a passive investment strategy, that is to indexing. So finance...

Went for a jog. Was still very much sleepy then. But I'm more awake now. Last weekend. Last push for the limits. Actually I now really feel that under tremedous stress, you either make, or break. And with a lot of pressure, you can actually work beyond your-previously-so-called-LIMITS. This semester sees me working much more than I ever have.

Dear friend,
If I would to tell you, I will say you are the rainbow after the rain.
You are there when the rain stops. And most of the time when it is still raining.
Everything that we shared, I probably will remember alot of them.
Thank you.
From your friend.
p/s: I remember one of the more embarrassing thing that I have told you would be- I hope to be there as your friend when you need a friend. That is the most embarrassing one. Haha. But i guess i shall say it before the chance fades away.
You lead me to where I wouldnt go without you.
Like I said, you are the rainbow after a rain.

I realised, if without you, things would not be the same. And things are different now already. I know I have you, "have" in that sense. Yet I know that is all I "have" of you.
Guess you are like the colour ink in my life.
One day, when things would to change one day, which they would, not because of anything, but because change is just the law of nature, then I would be missing whatever I am having now. Please, dont change too much. Not too fast. I still want you here.
:: finally heard josh groban sing... thats the song..to where you are

Josh Groban lyrics :: To Where You Are lyrics ::
Who can say for certain
Maybe you're still here
I feel you all around me
Your memories so clear
Deep in the stillness
I can hear you speak
You're still an inspiration
Can it be
That you are mine
Forever love
And you are watching over me
From up above
Fly me up to where you are
Beyond the distant star
I wish upon tonight
To see you smile
If only for awhile
To know you're there
A breath away's not far
To where you are
Are you gently sleeping
Here inside my dream
And isn't faith believeing
All power can't be seen
As my heart holds you
Just one beat away
I cherish all you gave me
Everyday
Cause you are mine forever love
Watching me from up above
And I believe that angels breath
And that love will live on and never leave
Fly me up to where you are
Beyond the distant star
I wish upon tonight
Too see you smile
If only for awhile
To know you're there
A breath away's not far
To where you are
I know you're there
A breath away's not far
To where you are

Doing up the last bit for my ia term paper.... today's gonna be a long day...

Its been a while since I last blogged. A lot had since happened as well. But either I wasnt in the mood to blog, or I hadnt had the time to do so. But since I am waiting for this powerpt file to be downloaded, might as well...
Today hadnt been too bad, at least had companion to study... and kinda of know that at least I can do some past year questions for ia.
Besides studying, I really dont know what else to say. But I guess this is the way, quoting what my friend said, this is the time to study, because if not, when? 3 more papers to go till next friday. The first thing I would do next friday probably would be go home, have a shower, watch the 7 pm show, if i can sleep, sleep as much as i want, if not, do what i want.... a break then...

Thought of the day: Ahead lies so much uncertainties that I start to think so much into today. I felt so invisible. So small. So far from reality. Now I forget why I am doing this all.