And so after a long period of not finding the time to read, and some unsettling time that I couldn't find myself sitting down in peace with a book, I started and finished the Steve Jobs book.

Even though I calculated and sort of knew where the last chapter would end (because there was a thick amount of notes at the end), it still came as a (awful) surprise when it really ended. Like how Click, it was gone. I was tearing at the part when he had to leave the company he loved most, because I think that would be most painful, and then it was gone.

The only Apple product I have so far is the ipod. And truly, the best music player I think in the market, back then and now. I remembered going around trying out some players and thought I wouldn't get one if they all work like that - with buttons too hard to press, something wrong with the feel and jus not what I want to spend money on or use. I supposed I would have owned more of their products should I look beyond the price and feel it before anything. Especially after reading the book. To me, the one thing that I would remember and relate to is the passion he has doing what he did, and how he went about doing it.

And I was, listening to the ipod when he died.

It's one day before my first month is up- I am used to the long walk to the pantry and I no longer notice the sounds of vehicles zooming pass the expressway. I seem to have known the team longer than it is in reality. But the fact is, I feel more lonely. And I guess I know why.

What's filling up the void - are the endless variety of sweets, chocolates, fruits and snacks. And silly little pranks and jokes I served to the folks.

I am glad at least there is abundant sunshine today.

There you go...

Disney-themed Xmas 2011 - I made that

My pants!

Xmas 2011, to Paris

Xmas 2011, to GAP

Xmas 2011, to Australia

Mum cooked lotong

Thai food - almost like the one in Phuket

The blue themed photos

Orlando

Everywhere in Orlando

Paris

Paris, imagine the blue

Munich

Vienna

Barcelona

This week has been frustrating, brushing shoulders with all the principles that I don't enjoy at all. To the point that I feel like I have already given up. But its the second week in a row that I actually planned something on a friday night. At least its a improvement from the literally-no-social-life lifestyle for as-long-as-I-can-remember (from the injuries day, then there was some life, then there wasn't).

And you know, its been a while since I felt that if I need someone to talk to, I know who to find, without even scrolling through the entire phone list (and not finding any). So thank you for that (friendship), for as long as it can be.

P/s: I've been extremely lazy with the photos, with the new camera and memory card that doesn't work with the old card reader that I have. That taking photo on my mobile and tweeting it is so much easier. (I feel like I am going to talk about work already.)

When life gets tough, when I have to struggle, when I have to cry, I tell myself either to keep trying because the (life) race is long or I tell myself to not bother because it isn't important. When I do the latter, at least I only break down when I really couldn't cope. But all other times, I can keep them out of my life, that I don't spend useless energy trying to battle it or waste off by it consuming me.

It hurts like mad but all I can do after, and no matter how much, crying is to sleep and pretend there is hope on a new day.

Why - do I have to try so hard for every single thing in life.