testing
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When I heard what Lee Teng said before his sessions end, I feel like crying. Sob sob. Quite touching, I would think.
Anyway I am rather bored in another sense unobvious to you. Haha super duper lazy, since I jus wanted to chill out at home, the comforty of my air cond. Dude, dumb right. Anyway something came up and I realised that I never even have mirc that thingy already. Nor icq. Those stuff of the younger times. Yes, yes all I have is blogger haha.

Waiting for LT to play the jolene new song, Sky. Heard before, want to hear it again...

I remembered in my first class for my dsc class, the 4 inventions that I cant do without are (1) air cond (2) computer (3) mobile and (4) lift... Woo man, and air cond is top. Always top! Its warmest to the poles already and nowhere
is attractive without the aircond. *smucks*

Anyway no much plans for the next 7 days, jus like the past 7. The past 7 had been spent rotting at home, watching loads of TV, not sleeping much, playing on my computer and ironing. Yes ironing. The next 7 days see me celebrating early Mother's Day with my extended family (not so extended since its a total of 10 of us only), trimming my hair and whatever invites I get. Oh and getting my nail polish, not that I really like painting my nails but at least it is something that is keeping me occupied. *smucks*

And talking about making friends (as what yapp mentioned earlier and my friend too), suddenly I thought I am so lazy to do this all over again, though I think there is a need to expand my social circle. Making friends?! If not, like the 10pm tv drama, how can I know more people to find a boyfriend, to marry and have my own family. The!

Listening to Lee Teng now!!! *smucks*

Oh I think I never really mention that I like this DJ from the radio station. He is Lee Teng from 933. This guy's style is so me!! Super duper enjoy his sessions. But its a pity that he is going over to US over the holidays for some school exchange program, so he's only coming back in August. Shucks! Missing his sessions already. Actually I dont listen to the radio often, and I dont remember who is on which shift either. But I super duper enjoy his sessions! Heard that he is also from the university (wonder which one), though he doesnt sound local. Hadnt seen him before but I imagined him to be: clean, nicely short hair, boyish look, tall, thin haha! LT...

Anyway as for the "fun" injection Singapore is boasting, I think "fun" is a mood/ atmosphere, not a structure/ program.

When you remained silent, I never asked why. I believe one day I will know why if you want me to. Maybe you (as in the readers) wouldnt believe me, because we are born to be curious, so how would you believe that I didnt ask.

Yes I am curious, especially everything about you. But I understand my role and my rights. I understand that despite me declaring you as my best friend, it is not enough for you.So I jus stood by you. When you wanted me to wish you good luck, I made a box of lucky stars for you. When you said you would solve it and all I can do is to wish you well, I wished you well. With all my heart.

I dont think you remember, but I told you something that I will still stand to it till now. No matter what will happen
in the future, I will still remember it. And when you wanted to talk to me, I was there for you. I put down my nail polish and night tv to listen to you. The day that I believe came. But when you pulled away again, I was
left stranded. Down- hearted and disillusion drove me to soak in your favourite tune. I see this whole journey to be one-sided reliant, unleaveable and going nowhere other than your direction.

To you, falling in love is about passion, curiosity and beauty. To me, falling in love is about this. Simple, it is
about this.

~To my readers, if you are still with me despite (I bet) totally lost in my random emotions, I say thank you.

I cant describe the moment, but that moment I was stunned.

Not knowing how to react, not knowing if it was for real. But you are real and I know its for real this time. But, but,
but- there are jus so many but-s.

I spent last night, and an afternoon a few days ago making two cards. But when I saw your "Not for me....." I was
shattered.

Clueless...

The story I wrote: Maybe the last appearance

Though I can’t see the seat three rows in front of me clearly, I knew it was empty. I know it wasn’t occupied, yet?
If this is even a doubt, how can I be so sure about other matters?

True, I was never sure. But so what even if I was never sure? Even life insurance insured nothing more than one's physical existence, let alone promises of life. But I know you, I told myself. I know I must have known you. This is no doubt.

I was restless, despite the paper already in front of me. I adjusted my posture so that I would be slightly facing the door, hoping that I can see you the moment you walked in.

Though I can’t see the seat three rows in front of me clearly, I know it was for you. I know you will be here. And really, when the clock ticked thirty minutes past two, you came in. Finally, I saw you. But I saw more than your presence. Despite being some distances away, I saw that you were lost, an expression that I don’t see often. I saw it on your face. Or perhaps it was an expression I often missed.

I wanted to shout out to you, to tell you that I am here and the seat in front is yours. I saw that you were really lost, because you stood there not moving, not knowing where to go. I was lost for the moment too, because I don’t know how to let you get out of this circumstance, I don’t know how to let you know I am here. Please see me, I am here, this thought echoed inside me. I am here, I am here. So I stared at you, hoping that you can sense me, that you can notice my presence. You started to walk across the room.

Give us a few moments and then I think you saw me, I think you heard me. You walked down the stairs, jus like how a groom would walk down the aisle, I thought.

I pointed to you the empty seat, but you seemed as lost. Why am I not enough for you? And when you stood in front of me, I saw more than what I saw. The expression of lost, the movement of restlessness and the last moments. You looked totally different from how you sounded over the phone jus a few hours ago. Or did I always imagine how you would look like when we were on the phone? I don’t have an answer. All I know is that I am still not enough for you.
The next few moments I saw you walked down and settled down. It was only when I saw you at your seat and ready did I start to read the paper in front of me. They seemed like alien to me, but I know I jus hadn’t gotten into the mood. Each time when I felt lost, I looked up and searched for you. And this went on throughout the two hours. Actually it was my habit since you came into my life. You see, it wasn’t you who needed me. It was me, always. I was totally reliant on you, a characteristic trait I dislike. But habits are hard to quit. So unless I quit this habit, this will never end. That is how I see it.

While we agreed that we needed an apologize- sounding reply even if we never gotten that job, you see, you don’t do that. And you know, I noticed that jacket. That beige jacket with brown strips, how could I not remember it? It was so huge on me some night in HSS. But it was so comforting too. And you know, today you looked like a student to me. Not my brother, not my friend, but a student.

Minutes before it all ended, I paid attention to those last words. Maybe this is the last time we ever would appear together already.

The author's note
Doesn’t sound like it’s from me? Though it was what I wanted to say, it took me a while to put them down in words. But I thought it wasn’t that beautifully written...still, it’s a piece of memory.

ok i am too lazy to write... though i did some proper work this morning... anyway i think i need an afternoon nap soon. dont know when would i sit down and write like what i used to... soon? anyway jus love this tee, though you cant see much than the pinkies strips haha!
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I have so much to say, so much to think and so much to remember. But so little time, so little space, so little memories.

You know, it is so scary. Jus now I felt as though it was like the past, when everything is so far apart. When I dont know what is going on in your life, when I dont know to use what excuses to talk to you, when I dont know how to not say H-i.

Lets take a vote: Who likes Tian Bian to be with Zei Ya, and who likes her to be with Xiao Gang!

I feel like the only child. Maybe the abandoned child. Its only Day 2 since my examination that I stayed at home. But you know its so quiet around in the day. Anyway I am too lazy to talk to people too. Jus blusting the music loud and feeling restless. Wanted to write something but hadnt started. Lets see how it goes later...

Anyway does anyone has any VCD for me to watch? I am super duper bored, aimless and moody so TV is best for me.
And what is the first colour of a rainbow? How many colours do a rainbow has (sounds a bit dumb to not know it, isit 7?) ? And what are the colours? Anyone?

Listening to `I dont want to know by I dont know who. Haha!

I dont get it. Never mind about me. I jus dont get it why Tian Bian cant like Xiao Gang. I know she is meant to be with Zei Ya, but I still think that the love Xiao Gang gave is so sincere and lasting. Maybe I really like the character that Huo Jian Hua plays. I like how he would always give Tian Bian a hug whenever she is down, how he would joke with her, and how he would take all the tears. Let me find someone like him.....

Thats why I said foreign production is always so dreamy. And you know I agree what Man Qing says: It is easier to forget when you quit your habits.

Its the first time I am actually 'on' the holidays but I have no idea how I am spending it. But at least I would stick to tv and be a super duper tv mugger for one week then start thinking what to do. Actually I know what I must do. Concentrate on finding a job that can make up forget about studying. Which is not difficult but they (who?) always dont give me what I want. At least life always dont give you what you want. The other day I was jus talking to my friend about this topic and we agree so. But more importantly, we also agree that it is not because we are not given what we want, but because we dont know what are for us so we are like drifting logs on the ocean waters. God always has something for us and preciously because we dont know what they are that we are always s-e-a-r-c-h-i-n-g. Anyway I will also called up the office and asked them if I am supposed/ encouraged to start on my thesis during the holidays (pretending I am real sure about this) and see what they have to say. Oh and yesterday I thought of a really nice card design. See, my creativity juice is finally coming back. Anyway I hope I dont get too moody otherwise all I really is in the mood to do is watching TV. Noticed that I hadnt even mentioned shopping? Haha! Surprised? Must be in a real moody mood...

So relieved.

Today marks the start of exam for many, but it marks the end for mine. Of course the feeling is so weird since I do not know if this end is the end. Ya but surrounded by all lovely and happy about-to-graduate friends. So of course I am having that about-to-graduate mood. Seriously I wonder if I have one more year of passion (typing slower than normal human speed because of 4 hrs of intensive writing of 2 exam papers) and energy and mood and what-not to study.

Makes me relate to another issue, that is how weird when most of the time I rejoice that I am unique and so-myself, yet on other occasions I want to be like my friends and like what they like and do what they do and feel what they feel... Its the 'group' thing. The kind that you want to be with your friends yet at times maintain your own identity.

Anyway as you can see (maybe you cant), I am in this super duper restless mood that I think what I would do for at least the whole of next week is watch tv, watch tv, oh and yes watch tv. I think I am so irritated (am I?), indecisive (of course) , frustrated (really?) and moody (very) that just watching TV will be good.

I spent the early morning of today lying on bed to realise that my alarm clock is spoilt. Time stopped at 8:20am still. Then the rest of the morning was spent reading through my HRM textbook and jotting down notes on my HRM Korea LG Case... Yap, the morning paper on Friday is on LG and its HRM practices. Like the SOS message on my taggy, if you happened to have any information/ suggestions, do let me know.

Anyway, I spend the afternoon busy searching through Factiva and reading almost a hundred related articles (unfinished yet).

Two more days of studying... In no hurry to finish it...

A short story on circling circles.
You know, Earth is a circle. Unlike the olden days myth, yes, Earth is not a square.

Indeed the human race must have learnt this too well. Because they keep chasing what is ahead of them, without realising that sometimes what they already have is their treasures. So they keep chasing whatever unreachable, and ignore whatever has been supporting them. Hence its like everyone stood in a circle. We want something out of our reach, someone who doesnt want us. Whatever we have is easily forgetten, especially when they are at the back of us, behind us all the time.

This is my latest wallpaper. my previous wallpaper (my 21stbirthday photo) had been with me for 7 months. Anyway my friend is crazy about mickey and everyone else is also crazy about mickey. Had this photo with me, so I changed it to become my wallpaper. Actually I have other mickey shots that are super cute too. But guess this looks rather classic. So imagine this with a baby pink background on my desktop.
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Sometimes you really dont need many. Its like when I dont have many songs in my player, I keep playing the same old few. But its really good, because I keep listening to them
till the tune is in my mind even when the player is off. Then I changed my playlist. But when you have too many songs, you tend to skip and change and lose focus. You dont know what to
hear and there is till a point that you dont even feel like listening to your player. And that is why radio stations still exist. Because sometimes we are too tired to even randomly click and listen to our-once-upon-choices-of-favourite-hits that we rather a stranger do it for us.

My player, is now off.

anyway thats me at home... my hair is so messy... anyway I am very tempted to go get a hair cut, and I know I probably do that after my exams... even cutting my hair becomes a decision...
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thats me in the computer lab (which is where I am now also). anyway it is a saturday morning- that explains the empty lab. otherwise i wouldnt want to take photos in here with everyone staring at me.. anyway i thought i looked better in pink than red....
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Sooner or later Yong Dao Fu will symbolise loneliness. :) Jus happened that the last 2 occasions when I was alone or lonely, I had YDF for lunch. Lemon fish was sold out today, so I had YDF, but ended up thinking about chicken chop. Ok maybe I sounded real silly. But ever since the last occasion when I had laska YDF but ended up yielding for macaroni, I knew I better stick to my ever favourite macaronic. And if I would to reflect on one life lesson, then it had to be: do what you enjoy most, otherwise you would end up thinking all about it. Allow for one more life lesson, that is, sometimes you really cant accomodate to another food/ people/ thing/ issue/ principle.

Anyway, the other day I was thinking about the food that I had throughout my three years here. Year 1 was filled with muslim food at buz, with dishes like chilli potato, chilli kang kong, fried egg, beancurd being the ultimate favourite (but actually I cant really take hot stuff). Year 2 was filled with Shui Jiao from arts, which at a pity is no longer there. But then again if it was still there, perhaps Year 3 would also be market by Shui Jiao. Instead, Year 3 was filled with macaroni. Really really nice! Deserts had to be (in this order) (1) mango sago (2) beancurd (3a) vitagen..

Anyway I had too much today (YDF and beancurd) but I sure hope the walk down to the library to return my book and the walk up to the office have already made it up.

Borrowed the vcd and watched 4 hours of Love at Dolphin Bay today. Quite a distraction but definitely the stress buster. Anyway since I already put pass/fail for monday's paper, I
wasnt very stressed over it. More concerned over friday's 2 papers.

Oh and I like the song that the male lead sings (currently playing). I realised that unless I read the lyrics carefully, I am mostly touched by the music. But if I read the lyrics carefully, then I dont know if I am touched by the lyrics or the music most of the time. And sometimes you (or at least for me) I dont know why I like it, but I like it. Jus like I dont know why I like the show, but I kinda like it.

And you know, I guess sometimes why foreign productions are more appreciated than local productions because of (1) younger plot per say (2) more dreamy-fantansy like plots (3) nicer scenery (4) comes in a package eg sound tracks, poster boy & girl... It sets the stage for us to dream..

One more question: Do you think that with will, your dream or any difficult task or obstacle can be overcome? Can I really do it with w-i-l-l?

The three years of life in buz ad has come to the last. Thursday 14th April 2005 marks the last day here. Regardless if there is two more semester to go for me or not, today will be the last day that will ever be the same again. Even today is different already. The lab at 10:21am now is no longer packed with noisy and busy people. It is barely even half filled. Most importantly, my friends arent here with me either.

This semester is definitely not the best of all that I had. My best was a year ago, Year 2 Semester 2, Jan- Apr 2003. But this semester, like all others, is still something I want to remember. I bet I am a memory junk-box, am I?

I always have some memories of my first semester here. How I dont know where the TR rooms are, who I first met, where I always hang around, how little friends I have... Till now, I see so much changes in me and the people around me. You know I can barely even type this blog without cleaning away the tears that came to my eyes now.

My best friend, very best, is now playing badminton. We were in the same marketing class from the very first semester. But it wasnt two semesters later did we technically- speaking know each other. Well pal, it has been quite a journey. As much as I wish we have more time together, I also wish that no matter what we are embarking on, where we are going to be, who we are going to be with, both of us remains really close pals, and always happily seeking what we want in life. Baby blue, baby pink.

Playing Yu Shi de mei hao, probably a song in Love at Dolpin Bay. I hope it will make me cry. I want to cry. I feel so bottled up. I dont have someone I want to talk to. No one wants to talk to me. I dont want to talk. I want to cry. Please let me cry.

Am I so lousy that I couldnt get the grade I want? Or I am even lousier to not be able to cope with that? I want to cry. Why am I not good enough? Why do I think I am good? I jus want to cry.

Was the grade that important? Or was it because it was something from us and we never done this bad before? It wasnt bad. I didnt think it was bad, but I dont have a good feeling
about it. I want to feel good about it. I only want the good memories. Am I too greedy?

Why am I feeling so terrible? Jus gotten back the project grades and I feel so sad... I want to cry but I lost even the passion to cry it out. Why is that so?

Am I too arrogant to think that I will always be good and on the top? Or am I not putting enough effort? Am I leaving too much to too late? Or am I jus lazy? Am I this bad.

Came home at 4 plus today and after my shower I went to my bed and slept soundly. Even when I am tired at night, a lot of times I do not sleep really well. That explains why I can
be so restless and emotional. Anyway the nap is great. I woke up, organised some stuff and had dinner. TV is unusually great these days, so I am stuck till 830pm. Anyway now I bet
I need more than one whole night to finish reading my almost 300 pages to prepare for my HRM examination! I am like 50 pages into it only! SOS.

Anyway, tomorrow is going to be a lonely day. The day will start with me hanging around the library till the computer lab opens. Then I would be stuck with Eviews till 2pm. Its so
difficult that today when I was jus halfway through I gave up. I dont even know whether those that I have done are correct or not. Anyway I really dont know how to count ceoten=0 nor how to regress the salaries in their first differences. Ok I know these dont make sense to you, but it
didnt make sense to me either. Shucks! SOS x 2! My 50% examination is on Monday (though I put pass/fail already).

I hope I can get more disciplined as my examination will end real soon. Next friday! Can you imagine that. Another semester is gone.

Oh I have another SOS request. The pay system for Korean firms are very much based on seniority, which could be a liability to them. So now that they want to change the pay
system, how could they get rid of this seniority part of the pay component as it also promotes loyalty at the same time?I dont think I will be seeing you any time from now till a-t
l-e-a-s-t next friday, so take care and missing..

I walked in and found you there. But I know today is not the day of fun and joy. So I sat afar and see you from afar. Eventually I even see you leave.

Do guys need time off whenever they are frustrated/ sad/ upset?

Jus an update on my computer: it was a stranger to me because it lost my previous photos. But then I am trying to get over it. Feely- me.

Now that I have changed (1) to me on the desktop (my 21st birthday cake and me) (2) to Window XP Style Olive Green and (3) word wrap for Notepad, something I used to write my
blogs, my emails, my diaries...

Though I dont agree to MSN keep coming out with new updates (making us download the new ones otherwise it wouldnt work), I thought beta 7.0 is great. But I think thumb driver is even
better *smucks*

Today saw the end of one of our presentation. No wonder people always say: there is always the first time. After so many times of spark and great partnerships, we still have another 1st time. Can I not only have you in my world? Anyway didnt I mention that I have one dream that I wouldnt tell (though sy knew it, she wouldnt tell)? I have one more.

Not too greedy please...Dream#2 is even more important to me, so if you are granting me, please give me dream#2 and of course dream#1 too! *smucks* ps: people say that dreams dont
come true if you say it out loud, so I better be on the safe side.

I really appreciate no-name's comment. Sometimes I dont know who reads me, or even if there is anyone out there. The greater thing is that you even bother to find out what d-u-p-e-r meant (but of course silly to find this girl still sticking to using s-u-p-e-r d-u-p-e-r as she always had
been). And the greatest thing? You actually remembered doing honors was my dream initially. Really appreciate that.

Lastly before I go watch tv or do report or study, I shall say that I am super DUPER into 5 songs now (I predict this number will increase greatly after 22/04/05). Very addicted!

ps: i shall soon change the taggy to baby blue and baby pink.

A short story of baby pink & baby blue.

The word associated with 'you' is often 'me', jus like how compatable baby blue is with baby pink. But really, does baby blue goes best with bably pink? With mix, variety and melting
pot of colours, perhaps we have more choices than baby blue matching with baby pink. No one (colour) belongs to anyone anymore. But to me, baby pink is always for baby blue. Baby
blue is best for baby pink.

Of course, my short story is really isnt about colours only. It is about you, and about me. It is about how I am getting used to not having you at times. How to cope with your absence, how to be more independent. It is about how I could be so comfortable being myself, in front of you, because of you. How is it enough for me to have you.

But sometimes, I am not enough for you.

The writer's note
If you could remember, I was in this top, this skirt and this heel the very first shared accomplishment of us. I did that. You were in baby blue, a colour I would still feel most compatable to baby pink. But really, I am missing your world. Though throughout the years I was used to your absense Ni Bu Zai, everything is so everything to me. Its enough to have -you- not enough to have me.

p/s: thanks to no name's contribution to the word d-u-p-e-r. guess i am very used to how i used it (read: stubborn). My dream?

The good news is: my computer is bad.The very bad news is: all my photos (as of this year) is gone.

Although it is only in April, there are some really precious photos of mine. Shucks! I so dislike myself for being so dumb! I couldnt have lost them... They are so precious to me that I didnt even upload in my blog. Shucks shucks shucks.

In a total depressed mood...

[yesterday's blog] Finally I am here...

A short story of passing memories

A day like this, she wishes, to replay repeatingly like a damaged video.

He and she walked to the canteen at Arts, just like the countless times they did that over the past years. Each time they do so, they would engage in conversations, as like always. But it never would miss out on how warm and humid the weather is.

While they reached the canteen, he felt that probably he might have another year to go though he wishes otherwise. Anyway his 'feel' for this changes every time. But he also felt that she will have another year to go. But for her, she feels nothing for the future if the future is about only one fading shadow. She doesnt know what it would be, nor wants to know. She just want to live in today, when there is still stocking of memory. She wishes that she can store them all up, just like a data warehouse. All the times, all the expressions, all the songs, all the shared accomplishment and achievements, all the tough but memorable experiences, all the late nights, all the food, all the conversations, all the momentum, all the sparks, all the pride and glory, even the sadness, tears, mood swings or restless days... no photos though, because he said he didnt see a purpose in taking photos before this. But just a few days ago, he mentioned about taking photos with her. She hopes that they can do so in school and in that dream- place- 2005 of hers. She told him, but reminded herself that nothing is predictable when it comes to with him. She does not particularly loves uncertainties, but he taught her too much that she knows it is something she must always expect, in order to reduce disappointment and dejection.

They were in the quene for food. She choose to order similar dishes as him because there might not be many such times left. He ordered the kiwi fruit juice, something he told her to drink before. Something he exclaimed to be 'very weird' before. But she knows how he, like herself, loves to be unique and outstanding. Even in simple issues of food and fashion. She knows that.

They sat down and eat. It is so good to not have silence between them. Perhaps they love to talk, or just simply a matter of conversation- compatability. They finished their plates full of food. She couldnt find her pack of tissue paper, so its from his this time. A very simple gesture they often shared. But too simple?

They walked down the stairs, both holding not to each other, but to the side bars. His mobile rang, she told her to be careful while she remembered how he nearly slipped while walking up. They both dislike such tempoary, wooden stairways. They are afraid it might collapse anything, or that they would slip and roll down to the bottom. He talked on the phone, while she listened. Not an intrusive behaviour if you might think so.

A simple day that happened so many times between them.
A short snap of her life.
A video of memory she wonders if ever is his concern.

And while she is writing this, she is waiting for him to come back. Not to her side, but to their probably very last shared accomplishments....

Her phone rang, she knew it is from him. She picked it up and answered briefly to see him walking over while the line went dead.

He had food again, while she preferred to have mango sago. Today, watermelon has disappeared from the served mango sago. Instead it was sea coconut. She knew the original taste too well to forget.... And when he left, there isnt any goodbye.

The only consolation for her is that there will be no need for goodbye between them...

ok so the photo of the day has to be this: dscn3209... now i must learn to be more sensitive to numbers.... i mean it is a reasonable requirement of a financee but seems like i am too dumb... oh actually i know whats the problem already!? i didnt do well in my pemutation while in college... so you see its right to make you study hard... i even thought my B grade is for my mathC until i called home and looked at my result slip for the zillion time to realise i was super duper wrong! so i did my mathC tutor proud but let down my physics tutor... oh did i mention that my mathC tutor still remembers me? she is still so pretty, and she probably doesnt remember my name but she sure remembers what a bad student i am (that is if she knows what the gang of all boys + 1 girl are doing behind) 

a tourist pose... yap... i learnt from my china trip that people love standing in front of all those chinese wordings (especially those on the rocks or above their heads) and pose... nah but i like those when i would laze around and shoot... anyway this pink is really nice? i think so! 

nice wooden fence right? guess where is this place?!? outside library!... but my legs look too long and unnatural while my hands look weird... (ps tell lh that i am smiling!) 

ok actually i dont like this photo because it shows my pimple ... but i kinda like the pose and the sofee.... :) 

nice pose? (keke)... but then dont know why the hand is at the waist... this makes me looks quite tall? but sure i am comforty at 1.60 (accidentially replied that i was 1.68 to sy and realise i was w-r-o-n-g opps! nah she knew it too) 

ok i have to admit, this chair is great for shooting... sy has a mermaid take with this.. i think i better stick with a lazy pose will do... not bad, at least i think i look natural (for a lazy gal like me) but i still think i am too fat... if i am thinner, the jeans will fall off nicely at my waist and not like this.. but i think it does great justice to say that this is my favourite pair of jeans, because you can see from the photo that its of real comforty material and quality!! (yes, you have to agree on this) 

quite dark right... but nah this is my favourite (pink) tee, my favourite pair of jeans from meters bowe (envy right!) and my favourite pair of snickers (excluding my fading blue) and my favourite watch (exclude all kidish swatch watches) 

nice plants.... seems like after an afternoon of shooting, we cant even find a nus nor business logo...so the plant is kinda T-H-E thing to take... nah jus for fun (even skip something to do this!) 

ok thats me today... so student right... nah i know we are taking photos with sy so i purposedly dress like a student. ok so how do I look like when I am a student...definitely jeans and tee... no mini skirts or flimsy dresses... 

YES is my answer (not to that honors question).. an answer you never will hear, never will accept. Probably you will ask, so why should I bother to answer that question if it wasnt meant for me. Maybe because I wanted the question to be meant for me, simple but silly.

Anyway I realised I must have changed so much since I came into NUS. Would be taking photos with sy today, because everyone is graduating already. And today when I mentioned to you, you said that 'next time i also must take photo with u lah'. It caught me by surprise. But yet again it reminds me of how far we are already, and how far we are going to be. Oh and the reason why I said that I must have changed so much since those days was because (1) I no longer wear that pair of jeans from hang ten. Wearing the pair from Meters Bowe- a Jay-chou brand in China, a very comfortable one (2) I no longer wear that swatch watch because I hadnt bother to go replace the belts. Wearing the Solvil watch since my 21st birthday (3) I no longer wear that blue army prints flip flop from Bata. Now I am wearing either the flowery baby blue flip flop, nike causal, or heels (4) I no longer wear my old jacket. Its either the light purple elle jacket or dark purple g2000 one (5) I no longer carry that converse bag, but the present espirit one. (6) Even my mobile is replaced to the current dummy one (but happens to be able to put WB as my wallpaper).

If what I wear and how I look have changed so much, why should I think that Honors is really what I want? Even if so, being what I really want is not a good enough reason to do it. I am very afraid if I dont do it, I will regret. Because if I can do it but not do it, and if I used to really want to do it, but not do it, will I regret? I am very afraid also that if I do it, it would be super duper tough that I will regret it. I will be so far away from my friends, and be still in that student world of mine while they are out there craving their careers. I am afraid it will be too tough for me.

I dont know what to say now, but I am totally lost in my life, once again. I feel like crying but I am in the library and I shall not do such a childish thing here. Anyway my computer has crashed on me. And you know what I was thinking, I was thinking that it might be God's hint for me because this computer was bought when I was about to enter NUS. It gave me some problems before I turned 21 and now that it finally crashed on me, I thought it meant more than that. I thought it signifies me going into a new stage of life while I was 21, so it gave me some problems. Back then I did some backing of files so perhaps it wanted to teach me to value and treasure what I have. Now that it crashed on me, it also wanted to teach me something, is that so? I had about two, three hours before the computer couldnt work. And I was doing some backing of files too. I am so glad that all my files are with me. Work files are in my thumb drive and personal files too. All my diary entries, my stories... I am so glad you see. So perhaps it was telling me that life is short and that sometimes I need to know what to do, like backing up of files during the 2, 3 hours that it gave me. I also thought that it was trying to tell me that I shall move into a new stage of my life already.

I dont know if I should give up being a student. I dont know what I want. And I dont know why it is this difficult for me when it seems all so easy for everyone.

My room is in a mess! My notes, paper, textbook, accessory, stationary are all over the computer desk. And I am addicted to (1) music on my computer (2) non stop good TV shows on TV recently and (3) wallpaper in my mobile. Haha! Feeling tired but rather happy you see...The mood..

Listening to a very old song by Jing Chen Wu, Bu Yuan Shi Ni De Fan Nan (direct translation: Dont want to be your troubles). Wanted to listen to his old songs after watching Turn Left Turn Right last night. I remembered it was a movie that I wanted to watch when I was 20 years old. As you would have already know, I seldom watch movies
(though yapp did mention that watching movies is one of Singaporeans' pastime haha! I must be the outliner). Maybe lack of movie companions. Anyway sometimes I enjoy listening to such old songs. Kinda different. They are simplier in the mix of music, simplier in the lyrics, simplier in what they want to express. Guess sometimes the basic are good enough.

Anyway I ran in the rain for the bus today, and later walked home in the rain too. The rain reminded me of you, because you always complain how messy it can be, and how bad traffic could be. But I guess we all love the rain especially if we were lazing in bed for afternoon naps.

Having a longer break now. So I thought I shall spend sometime on leisure stuff- writing.

Top 10 bad habits of mine (I bet there are more than this, jus that I wasnt reminded of it)
1. I always think other people are more superior, and hence at times I am afraid to speak up.
2. I always think other people are prettier (which is more often true) and hence I feel less confident.
3. I am very affected by others, especially their mood swings. And I always think I am attribute to that, and I dont know how to handle that.
4. I still push for the PULL sign on the door, and pull for the PUSH sign on the door.
5. I am on my computer too long.
6. I am often too impatient. Anything that takes longer than a computer click is long for me.
7. I am too dependent on others, at times.
8. I only work hard for things I have passion on. Other than that I am too lazy.
9. I am far too lazy.
10. I am confused over what is truly my goal in life.

My mood is as cloudy as the weather now: about to burst out in tears. I mean, in rain. But I dont get it, why am I so scared of him. I mean its not as though I am stalking him. And library is a public place in school. Oh and by the way, I cant be stalking him since I was the first to arrive and all along I was in front of my computer, busy typing away. It jus had to happen. I jus happened to turn to my right and there he is walking in. Seeing the expression on his face, I remained where I was sitted, doing what I was doing and pretend that (1) he doesnt know me (2) I dont know him (3) we dont know each other or most probably (4) I know he wants to be left alone, trying to remind myself that perhaps this is all but monday blues (though I believe otherwise).

A short story goes this way:

One person loves a song. This song sings how nobody appreciates despite him being really nice. This is because that person has always been persistent in looking for the ideal, beautiful love of his life. So when he found a so-called ideal girl, he didnt want to give up despite the so-called ideal girl has someone else already. Throughout his chase/
wait of long periods, he ignores a girl who is really nice to him. Or rather, it was his heart that shuts her out. In turn, the girl started listening to that song, that song that sings how nobody appreciates despite her being really nice.....

Lessons I learnt from this short story:

(1) No wonder people say the world is round... (2) You matter it because it matters to you. But 'it' didnt think you matter. (3) If someone could turn around and give the other person a chance, perhaps the world is
filled with more love. If the heart knows... (4) We always dont treasure the person next to us, because we think that someone out there whom we cant have is the ideal one... Maybe it takes separation, abandonment or death to drive that lesson into us. Even then one suspect how lasting does the lesson stays with us. (5) The song always sings the truth of life. Rather songs always do...

Yipee Yapee Dupee! (new creations by me!) I am going home already. Anyway opps actually I think I am too happy that I forget what I want to say. O-o-o I remember it now. I wanted to ask if dreams doesnt come true if you say that out loud? Thats why I hadnt been saying anything about this. shhhhh....

I am in school (for what?) on a sunday. Shucks! Though I love being a student (saying it for the n-th time) I didnt mean you have to get me back in school, on a sunday. Anyway of course its spoiling my nice mood. And I've got a test to do on Tuesday so I hope I am out of here soon.

Sometimes, the technology can really save you traveling time, and its not as though the rest of the people all stay in school ok.. Last thing, you dont need to make everyone sits in front of you and work to be sure that they are working! If you ever becomes a boss, maybe thats my 2 cent worth for you..

Anyway, its not as though I am angry, but its jus that I get frustrated when there are always people who s-t-i-l-l dont understand what efficiency means. But say thanks for my dad for driving me to school once again.

So what's up for the week? Waiting for a very important mail. Hope it arrives soon (today or tomorrow?). Got to hand in 1 term paper this week and do one test this week...

Its weird that I hadnt been sleeping well for my afternoon naps. I thought I love them best jus a few days ago.
Anyway I am getting so restless to be sitting on my desk and study for my tuesday test. Its an exam rather.

And the only thing that didnt need to matter down to the dollars and cents is friendship. I dont mean the money matters between friends, but sometimes it really doesnt matter who is the one who is giving in more. On the other hand, sometimes it really is about who has more love than not. Haha! Think my notes are driving me crazy already. But actually you know it isnt that bad, because it can be real scary if suddenly I am not a student anymore. Which can come true anytime.