After a day of activities, I am still in shock. Repeated shock.

Back to office tomorrow.

In a total mixed up mood.

By the way, surprisingly I was quite alright without my phone today. Come to think of it, if I have to choose, it might jus be my blog over my mobile.

I dont want to grow up. I dont want to drift apart. I dont want to re-learn. I dont want to change. I dont want anything to change. I dont want to not know you.

Yet they are all but what I dont want.

Can I believe what you said. Can I believe in you. Can I believe in the friendship.

Will I end up being jus a school friend whom you could only entertain.

I cry and I dont want.

I reckoned I would end up in at least 10 rounds of reading, second opinion and amendments before I even pen the message.

Argh.

The lesson I sort of must start to appreciate.

Anyway. I left my mobile charger in the office. My mobile has no battery. My spare battery has no battery either. I am on course for Wednesday and Thursday. Meaning I wouldnt be back to pick the charger up. But I reckoned the rather unpopular me doesnt have much messages. So I couldnt be bother to go back to get it when I realised that. But I supposed it meant that I was very focus while working with mr Excel the whole of today. I think he is more fun than Miss Word.

Tell me what to do, what to say, when to do and when to say.

If there is one thing I want to tell you today
To me.

Differences lie in between. The image, was something that I would see everyday, knew for a while but now it appeared distant in front of me. As though every step taken was caution, as though I(we) stopped being prideful, as thought everyone has to be mild.

The leader to more fun than this have changed its orientation. Maybe always ahead of me, I find myself tagging behind.

The thunder stroke, something that we know I am afraid of.

But I find myself wanting to follow the new trail. I find myself discovering this new foot print while brushing aside thoughts of asking why this has to happen (and not so much of the change in tracks). Yet I find myself worrying that this will become an assessment of disapproval of me, and anything like this will get lesser, and all lesser.

I learn to appreciate every little thing done. The message asking for 5 minustes, the you-go-first, the you-should-eat-first, the what-sick, the how-to-make, the rain, the where-to-sit, and the good-wishing. Very invisible and totally unspoken, but very him. It could all be what I missed out on and sometimes traded them for more rumblings and tears, thinking that its late, its I-would-have-eaten-first, its I-wouldnt-bother, its I-would-jus-have-bought-instead, its jus-byebye. Even so, I have to take them all as him.

I know nothing is avilable, but I like to hold it this way. At least for everything done, its for a 1 second shine.

Everything has changed, it will continue to stay the changed-way.

Is it destined to fall apart, reads my MSN nick. Then I thought I better change to `will it. will it not.

Let it be a rainbow at the end of the road, please

Everything still seems unsettled and weird, but suddenly another theory pop out. Which makes me feel even more unsettled and unsure. Why are problems so difficult to identity, so hard to face and take so long to solve?

Anyway. I am thinking of putting braces. The fact that I am f-i-n-a-l-l-y sharing this on my blog signals s-o-m-e form of progress (read: I hope). Because this was proposed to me even when I was back in primary school, but I have since put it off. So you could quite guess, if I dont put my heart into doing something, literally nothing gets done. This idea of course came haunting me ever since I graduated, but I still have not overcome the fear of continuous pain. Though the only consultation is the likelihood of me skipping meals thereby becoming slimmer. Not much conclusion yet. Till I found enough motivation/courage.

The weekend will be over soon, but it seems that my mood has finally lighten slightly. Which ironically set me into the praying mode, hoping that things will only get better. How insecured I am, you would probably exclaim. But finally I decided to stop being passive for once and have plans for my coming Friday and Saturday. And for once, I am listening to all 13 tracks of an album, bringing me much peace.

Did I say I am going on a holiday in December? Its a family trip to a destination that was pre-decided but at least its a jet-off holiday!

So even if it doesnt go as well as I would hope for, I remind myself to be stop prideful and go on fine with else.

Am I blogging way too much.

I read on someone's blog about how he saved all his passwords and bank account numbers in his mobile phone jus before he gone for a minor operation. He said for-the-jus-in-case.

Which, is something that I have done before. I think it was after 9-11, I even prepared notes of last words in my bag, for-the-jus-in-case. So today when I have nothing to do (and nothing to blog about), I decided to update the document in my thumb drive that contains all the important passwords because I know I have since created a dozen new hotmail/gmail/yahoo/ yahoo album accounts for various purposes. Then I stumbled upon a yahoo album that I uploaded the photos for one of my IT projects in NUS. Can you imagine how delightful I am? Alright, it sounds nothing but its one of the memories that reminds me of the happy days. Of course gone were alot of other yahoo accounts that we have created so that we can all upload our work-in-progress stuff inside. What a pity. Of course, the link is now going to stick with me on my dearest blog, on the right. I shall continue with my task of updating on those passwords. So that when I am gone, things wouldnt be in a mess.

There is no longer next-day-remedy already, is there.

Disappointment, like sadness, is not something I am good at coping. In fact, I even dislike to admit that I am disappointed. But I am.

Finally done with the card. It didnt turn out exactly how I imagined it would have. Either my imagination is super great, or my art and craft is not that fantastic after all.

Still thinking if to redo it with a slightly different design. Else I shall crack my brain for another design.

Mango jam in the making


I wanted to make a Mango Cake as a present, but I am not good at baking and more importantly, I dont have an oven. Till I solve these two issues, I stumbled upon and decided it has to be Mango Jam.

While its simple to make, the preparation work (involving peeling of skin, which I am bad at, and dicing) takes up more time. I probably could have cooked it longer so that it really comes out in a jam-y manner. Waiting for it to cool.

But, "cooling" isnt always the best thing in town. What if it turns way too cold?

I am thinking about the present.

My willingness to speak, at times, is definitely lesser than my willingness to blog. Other times, its because everyone has so much on their agenda without me on it and but me. Yet, the remaining times was either I was unsure or prideful.

I have been avoiding this.

Jus like how I am avoided.

The lazy me has decided to stay home for the weekend, again. If everything could be presented online, it would even kill all desires to step out of the house (read: I have 17 Internet Explorer windows currently). I told myself to stop getting stuck in front of the computer because it is not as if I hadnt had enough of that while at work. But it seems like I'm getting on fine with this, with some music and surfing. Ok, at least it is because there isnt much motivation/mood for me to get out of the house.

Suddenly I thought of enough things that I want to make up a Christmas List, though the only person to fulfill any/all of the items on it would have to be me. While of course if there is something that I would want, it would have been happiness, because then every other wish of mine would have been fulfilled to make my wish come true. But lets jus dream a bit and look at the list I have come out with.

1. A bicycle/mountain bike
So that each time when I feel lazy but needed some space out of the house and some exercise, this is the best alternative. Been thinking of owing one for the longest time, jus that I didnt know if I would stick to riding it, and if it would be a heavy task to get one roll over a few stairs and blocks to get to the running/cycling track, and if I will be bored of the track soon.

2. An iPod
I still dont quite remember whats the differences of the different kind of iPod that the market is offering. Though totally fine with jus a receiver and having some voices at random, it is a more expensive luxury to be able to pick up my own songs. Then again dont I have enough of that when I'm stuck in front of the computer to even think I need that choice while walking/waiting/jogging.

3. A proper gym bag (and a shoe bag)
I love my pink puma too much to make it my gym bag. So I have been randomly using all different bags to stuff my gym stuff in it and it irritates me. Been window shopping around but hadnt quite find any that I really like. Maybe I should get down to Queensway real soon. A bigger (and nicer) shoe bag would be even better.

4. Gym attire
Because I have loads of tee and PE-sort of attire, I didnt think it makes sense to be spending money on a nicer gym wear. But I would definitely very love to have the Adidas sports wear that I've seen so many times in the sporting houses.

5. New phone
The keypad of my current Sony Ericsson isnt that sensitive anymore and sometimes it irritates me. But I am more of the kind of person to spend money on tech gadgets only when I r-e-a-l-l-y need it. Thought its pretty much a trouble to change a mobile phone as well, though I know its the Black Sony Ericsson that I'm eyeing at.

6. A new foundation
Not that I'm running out of the powder, but I could jus get my hand on a better (read: smoother finishes) one since I would be using it quite a bit anyway.

7. Running shoes
The current pair that I own is really fine. Jus that the design wasnt quite cool but I bought it when I was university (read: I know I wouldnt wear a lot of it except for jogging). But since I'm jogging more often now (read: and seeing really nicer designs around), it would have been nice to get to choose a new pair. Ok why not lets wait till this pair wore out (read: jog much more)?

8. Clothings
Need I say more?

9. Holiday (to a destination of my choice)
Need I even eleborate any further?

10. Some face cream of some sort
I jus need to look better, dont I?

Jus done with helping with my dad. Though sometimes its quite a tiring choice, other times it makes me feel useful to be of help. I try to be more patient.

Ar, I have yet to resolve the problem I faced with my latest card-making. Stuck, jus like in life. Argh

I can only get this supportive, Dont get too unfamiliar that I dont know who you are.

Everything else, its your call.

If there is one thing I want to tell you today
Dont.

I came back to embrace home, a place filled with care and companionship that shed some hope in driving sadness and loneliness away. I reckoned I am totally dependent on this for a long time already, and for more in the future. Was doing another card, but unable to complete. Faced with one big problem- couldnt decide what to do with one quarter of the design. Cracking my brains for that. Hopefully I am filled with tiredness and ready to fall asleep.

Why I can break down and cry no matter what was done.

The politically correct answer broke my heart. Regardless if it was another lie, the email sits quietly, like how I would do.

Never mind that again I dont have an answer for you as to what I want to do next. I jus hope I wouldnt even think about n-e-x-t and that the pain can go away fast enough. Everything is jus a wish, or a pretended front that I will be alright?

If there is one thing I want to tell you today
Why I can break down and cry no matter what was done.

To write an email that no one will read.

I woke up in the middle of the night to write an email.

Sometimes I wonder if I ever slept well, because I dont feel that?

Sometimes I am like the little girl in the division. Because what was a conversation with one person became an extended discussion with everyone helping me derive a conclusion as to if I should do something to my hair. From the extended discussion on the shape of my face to my desire to lose weight and to this, I love being the little girl in the division then.

The little girl missess your opinion, but she cant say that.

If there is one thing I want to tell you today
Is there a deadline to this.

I still cant decide.

Should I, (a) rebond, (b) straightening, (c) do nothing to my hair.

Argh, the indecisive me.

But if I am going to `The Wave Salon, I would say a big Y-E-S.

HK airticket for one, please.

Thats our lecture room.

Thai Boneless Chicken with sauce.

I(we) probably will find some chance to practice what we learn in class.

Can you imagine that I heard the same song the moment I got into my father's car in the morning, and at night when he came to fetch me? The silly me of course asked if it mean something? And if the title of the song is `Without any cure, should I believe it signifies an impossible situation, or the rather-blessful MTV?

I supposed its the former?

Thai fish with chilli and mango

I think I am still suffering from the shock. Now it jus proves that I am a piece of wood (i.e. slow in absorbing and releasing heat).

The shock hit us when we first walked into the classroom. We thought we were in the wrong class because it looks more like a lecture room than a cooking classroom. Instead of being equipped with stoves and sinks for each individual student, there were rows of chairs. SQ went in to confirm if this is our classroom, and indeed it was. Then we realised, it was all but our own assumptions that we would be cooking in class. The fact is, only the instructor (actually its the cooking assistant who does all the cooking; all the instructor did was talk, throw in the pork chop to fry and distribute the food) would be cooking. So yes, dear us who have brought along our aprons, change of clothings and hair pins were hilaterously disappointed. But not long after we settled down and received our lecture notes, (WL said I have to mention this) SQ took out the burger and ate, even when WL flashed out her powerfully wonderful new camera to take photos of us. WL's new camera is amazing because it allows us to choose frames and effects before taking photos. When I told my sister of that, she said her handphone could do the same thing and I didnt know that! We were also considered the 'new students' in the class as everyone else seemed to have taken classes taught by the instructor before. Because the instructor diverts and talks about other stories, sometimes its hard to follow along. But I tried to take down notes diligantly, amongst all the entertainment that WL and SQ provided us. This is especially necessary because the lecture notes was so brief that there is only one, two steps to completing the work.

Still thought it would be of more fun, meaningful and satisfying to cook along with the instructor, but having my friends for companionship made up for the disappointment. Guess we would have more fun with our chit-chats in class for the next 7 weeks (provided that the students sitting in front of us could bear with us).

BTBS, back to being a student!

Is it because of my prideful-ness, or the obvious personal emotions, or the busy lifestyle.

Why has everything taken a new turn.

The little baby step in improving my life and enriching myself...

So together with WL, SQ and HS (their college friend), we enrolled ourselves for Thai Cooking Class. Actually I talked about wanting to go for extra lessons not long after I started working. The classes that I brainstormed include cooking class, yoga, gym and what-not. I guess there isnt much of a motivation to get myself enrol in a class without any companion, so all I did was more of ad-hoc cooking as and when I decided I am not going to be lazy. Then one day in our daily email correspondents, we decided to learn cooking. WL found the classes available for us the very next day and thats it, we are going for it! Due to the cheque payment thingy, we were so afraid that we wouldnt get enrol into the class, which will make us really disappointed.

Anyway tomorrow is Lesson 1.

If there is one thing I want to tell you today
Something you dont know, again.

The movie `Memento talks about how inaccurate and imperfect memories can get, such that memories can change according to what we thought it was to be. In other words, "conditioning" of the memory can take place.

Which is something I can relate to. Stumbled upon something that was not meant for me to read. And of course regardless whether it is the truth that I came to know, it broke my heart. Well, is that something new? I guess my own conclusion is that I indeed "conditioned" the set of memories such that I told myself I really like it and that is it, it spells trouble. I supposed all along I know the truth that memories are nicer than it was supposed to be because of me.

Anyway, I was shopping on my own yesterday. Ever since I started working, it seems like I keep going on shopping trips on my own. Not that I dont like companion, but sometimes I jus feel like shopping and there I go. Other times, everyone already has someone to shop with.

If there is one thing I want to tell you today
Maybe this should be the only place that I shall talk to you already. If you dont talk, I really shouldnt.

I've jus finished watching `Memento on TV. Spent the next hour reading and discussing the story with my sister (which is fun to have someone to talk to about the movie you watched!) because this story is apparently super duper zuper auper buper difficult to understand. Still I will recommend anyone to watch it because its good to be challenged by a difficult plot, and also to understand the underlying meaning of the story.

Shall talk about it more tomorrow because I am so sleepy now.

still testing.

I have included a link that showcase jus some of the cards that I have made over the years (see the list of links on the right).

Reason as to why I never really publish them before was because I wanted the receiver to feel special such that no other people have seen the card(s) I give. I want the receiver to enjoy this exclusive feeling. I still do, jus that it keeps me wondering if card-receiver ever bother about such things. And its been quite some time since I made them. Probably the photos of these cards were the only remaining while the card(s) were lying among the soil as fertilisers (though I super duper hope they were well-kept). I also wanted myself to keep and safeguard this set of memories.

Some of the photos were lost in the computer crash, a painful experience for me. I tried to recall..The first Christmas card with a Forever Friend bear skating as the design, the Christmas tree full of apologies ... (shall try to recall, but they are mostly Birthdays and Christmas Cards).

For the love, sy.

If there is one thing I want to tell you today
sy

Among the three Christmas cards I made this year (I dont think I have done this much of cards in one row before), I love timely-Forever-Friend-fireworks most. It seems to me that while the first two cards were also my works, the later poses more sincerity. I am also more afrad to not draw well than to not sew well. By moving away from sewing, it goes back to the old days of drawing- simple and sweet. The picture of a Forever Friend bear is also significant to me.

This makes me less depressed, timely Forever Friend.

I came home with a face that is about to burst out in tears.

The voice that gives me strength is disappearing. And I decided to seek the help of the song. The song sings- Stubborn.

Er. Why isnt there a decent mango cake recipe that I can find? Then again can I bake?

You. Give me all the motivation to do everything. For you.

You. Take away all the motivation to do anything. For myself.

Now, give me more work!

I feel like crying.

It has been something that I always will worry about. But now that things are reconstructed, worries seem to resume as well.

Why if it will drift away jus like that.

Photo taken from Official Site of Korea Tourism Org.

There is no promise.

There is indication.

There is no gurantee.

There is hope.

Dear t-h-a-t-holiday, please come soon.

Love, your travelling partner.

Memory lane.

I am thinking. Thinking hard. I cant say it is a form of happiness anymore. Actually I never could say that. But it gives me joy, something like the celebration of the existence of life. So it makes me very afraid of it. Something so valuable yet vulnerable, and something that doesnt belong to me. Maybe I could rent it for life if I try hard enough, if I stop being prideful and stop thinking too badly. But you know I never have the ownership of it. I never could write my name on it, nor bring it home.

So when WL asked if I am happier now, I said I am. I think we all know happier is an inappropriate expression. Perhaps, I am more relaxed and relieved.

Anyway, I am still trying to instill more discipline in my life. You know I am super duper zuper lazy for my own good. So I am trying to be a better me each day...

It sings, when I accompanied you till the end of road, you became part of my journey.

If there is one thing I want to tell you today
I feel unsafe.

What does that sentense means?

Its so weird.

Anyway blue-black on my elbow and knee from go-karting. Haha.

Jus back. Totally appreciated the shower and colgate toothpaste!

'Leaving Singapore' is an exciting event though it is s-t-i-l-l only to Batam. Took the ferry at HarbourFront and were saddened to see the conditions of the houses and the standard of living over there. Reached Harris Resort without feeling w-o-o.

The good thing of this trip to Batam is the great engagement for all the group activities that my colleagues and I took part in- games, yogapilates and go-kart (totally cool!). The not-so-good part of the trip is the facilities and food.

Yogapilates is conducted by a Planet Fitness instructor and its quite cool. Go-karting is super duper cool.

Together with 3 other colleagues, we went go-karting. I was quite excited the moment we wore our helmet and sat in the kart, waiting for the fuel so that we can start driving. I never drive before, nor learn driving before. So its really fun but terrifying at the same time. The timid-me had my foot placed on the brake all the time while pressing on the accelerator with another foot when needed (we were told that we should only press on either the brake or accelerator at any one time). And as you can expect, the highly-dangerous me lost control of the kart not long after I started such that it ran off the racing course and caused all the tyres to fly. And not jus once but twice. The second time, my kart and me jus ran into the fences so I had to wait for the people to save me. Had a knock on my elbow, chin and knee but I am alright. Subsequently I drove really slowly especially when approaching the bends. It was only when there is a straight course in front did I indulge in the high speed drive though everyone jus race past and overtake me. The helmet, however is too big such that it kinda moved about. Other times, the water (uneven racing course) and grasses and little stones were all flying in front of me. The sun makes me feel good too, after a day of indoor activities. Simply an experience.

The facilities and food is the not-so-pleasant bit. The gym is rather run-down for instance. While the beds are queen-size, there is this smell when you walk into the room. The pillow has this similar smell too. The walls arent so sound-proof so you can hear laughters of your neighbours. The furniture are either old or poorly maintained. So you bet I didnt have a good night sleep. I jus kept waiting for the day to come.

Buffet lunch were disappointing (though the spread for the second day is slightly better than that of the first) in terms of the variety (6 main courses, with some salad and fruits) and quality (too salty, too catered to the chinese tourists such that there is no local food). Even the drinks were limited- plain water (which tasted and smelt weird), coffee or tea. Orange juice and coke for all meals would be welcomed. So I probably think that salad is the best food there.
While I appreciated nature sightings, a city girl like me can conclude that I dont quite like country clubs/ resorts. They are usually rather poorly maintained (exclude those up-market ones), located faraway from every other thing, and have nothing much to entertain. One cant totally relax if facilities are run-down or have some sort of smell. At least for me.

I was missing the room in Majestic Grande, Bangkok. The new furniture, wooden flooring and odourless room makes shopping a rival to relaxing in the room. Else, a homely hotel room like Kimberly, Hong Kong is jus as great. Come to think again, hotels in China are also quite a drag, even the one I stayed in while I was in Shanghai.

If there is one thing I want to tell you today
I am afraid I/you/we have nothing to say anymore.

Going to Batam for a company event. Be back on Tuesday evening.

I hope I will feel better. Argh.

I continued with card-making since there is nothing I could/want to work on.

I am so tired. So tired of repeating everything, going through everything and still at nothing.

I have so much to say but I too have nothing to say.

After a whole day of sleeping and watching tv, I was finally down to doing some work. Then I watched the second half of `Cast Away. If I am like the character in the movie, I would never have the will to live on, let alone think of ways to leave the island. I thought I probably die on the island, or if I ever live, I wouldnt think I ever make it out of the island. And my sister and I concluded that, it is never wise to get trapped on an island with a person like me. But come to think of it, if the other person is even more pessimistic than me, I might have the will to encourage both of us to live on?

I have lost the motivation to plan anything for the weekends.

Mother brought Grandmother to my office today. Because I had treated them to Sushi Tei before, plus Suntec doesnt have Sushi Tei, we settled at Ichiban Boshi. I still prefer to ST's deco, variety and range of food. The lack of uniqueness in the range and variety of food, as well as the within-expectation standard of food at IB- I dont think it will become a default choice if I crave for Japanese food.

They shopped around at Carrefour for a while and I suggested bringing them to my office, jus to take a look. So at the lift lobby, we met up with my boss. He smiled and said "Of course" to me when I said/asked that I am bringing them to my desk to take a look.

Since science is s-o advanced, can someone invent a new vinegar such that it tastes and smells like chocolate, but has the benefits of vinegar?

And since science will be m-o-r-e advanced, can someone invent a pill that cures heart ache?

Thanks, in advance.

After the meeting today, a group of us went to tcc, again. This time round I tried prawns- coconut and pineapple. While it is a nice blend, I was thinking about green apple. Remind me that I am tired. I jus felt angry of myself.

A topic came up of the little chat- commit suicide. Someone commented that people who always expressed intention of dying could be (a) seeking help, (b) treating it as a form of therapy. As compared to people who might not expressed any form of discomfort with life, the later has equal if not higher probability in choosing to end life in this manner. Another topic that is closely associated- courage. As WL and I talked about it, whether it takes more courage to end one's life, or to face one's life.

Everything is a struggle.

So as I tucked into a warm bowl of salmon soup, enjoyed the sweetness of mango, picked green apple flavour or even chewed into the green cherry, everything was because I was taught how to fish for fishes.

Peach, coconut or pineapple- Maybe I know I wouldnt like it. Or next time.

Prideful, stubborn, pessimistic and react badly to changes- all the bad things about me.

The night had been nice. I guess it would only be Zen who could stop me from talking about problems-that-I-have-no-solutions-for though he generally listens to them for a while too. But I guess no matter what topics I have to share, somehow some things are jus mentioned. He laughed at me, saying that how could I happily and smilingly say that 'Life has no hope', or slowly chew that green cherry though I dont like that taste.

But I guess my life is still a mess? At least my life now is abnormal. We even discussed about a-friendship-that-I-expressed-worthwhile-to-treasure, something that I hadnt thought about for quite some time. But I guess the prideful me will never admit I miss that bit of the friendship in this sense. I even thought I might skip subsequent gatherings partly because of this. Lets see how things go anyway.

The fax machine is a very difficult piece of equipment to understand. Despite being taught on no less than three occasions, I have problem using it.

Maybe you will tell me, the more you practice, you better you will get. But all the falling-down is painful. And the root of the problem is, it (the fax machine) doesnt communicate properly to you. How do I know that my paper is faxed over when all you had on your display is "Set doc. Enter another fax number".

You are not communicating to me.

The peace attained on Sunday disappeared.

Maybe I need to get the telephone numbers for (a) a toy store, (b) a pet store, and (c) a maid agency.

Because I didnt want to be either.

Does this looks like mango salad dressing? Its shea butter (dont know what it is) and mango flavoured shampoo.

Something that might not have caught my attention if I was the-me in the past. I guess 'influences' is something that creeps into your life subconsciously and could last you a lifetime regardless if the influencer is still in your life or not. Until the fact that you become who you are now.

When the girls were talking about how they want a change of hair style/ hair color/ clothing style because they are bored with their current, I hadnt had much to contribute. I guess it was life/ lifestyle that I want to improve, and totally used to/ comfortable with the above. Some things, are jus so much of a habit for me.

On the other hand, I am adventurous with what I am listening at times. So jus as I look at the title of the songs by a singer that I had not known, I clicked on Track 4. The title being- Living on my own. Half expecting it would be a sad song, I only paid attention to the lyrics of the song after a few rounds of playing it.

The melody wasnt that sad, and the lyrics has been rather encouraging. Maybe I am the super duper zuper auper emotional girl that has her eyes filled with tears every now and then, but yes it brings tears to me.

Another little small step that I managed to take in my life involves one of my closest girlfriend, JY. While we may not meet up all that often, we communicate largely through my-bombardment-of-sms-all-at-one-go. We have plans for girlish stuff (doing our hair, toy museum, shopping, holidays) and serious long-term goals. Thanks for all the joy, encouragement and companionship you have brought into my life!

The Prince said

And sometimes i would ask myself... would i be able to live without you? My answer would be, I would. For the past 19 years you hadnt been in my life, and so I will get used to it. Jus that I will miss you.

Whenever I get tired, I would ask myself, if I would be happier if you hadnt come back.

I know that I said that I get it but I guess knowing it is not enough. I have to remember.

The Prince said

Habits are hard to change. Teach me how to.

Despite exhibiting much determination in many aspects of my life, I have to admit after numerous tries, I am still here. And it gets worse because I learn to be more tolerant, and ended up getting more hurt.

While because there is nothing I can control, and also because I dont want to say anything that I would subsequently regret, I will give up.

The Prince said

Can you stop saying you are a toy of mine.

But I am. Either that or I am a maid or a pet. I am not a toy to keep you occupied when you are bored, nor a maid to run errands for you or a pet that you can bring out for a walk when you dont have any companion. You abused the friendship till a point that you keep hurting me despite knowing that. When I needed you, you were only occasionally there.

I dont want all the happy memories to be eroded. I dont want to only have tears whenever I think of you. I dont want to be this sad over and over again.

I know it will be so difficult to leave everything behind while still living under the same sky as you, standing on the same land as you.

But everyone who knew what had happened told me that they would be there to support whatever decision I make.

Will upload clearer photos when GE sends to me.

Had a long day. Ran errands in the morning and it made me realised that I can still put in more efforts in caring for my family besides spending more time with them.

Then I was a tour guide for the afternoon *smucks* Actually I brought my grandmother and parents to Vivo City. As it is a new and big mall, they wouldnt nagivate around easily. So I brought them to stores that they would like. Because my friends have also arranged to meet at VC for dinner, I went to meet them after my family left.

It's been quite some time since the four of us met up so its quite nice sitting by the beautiful seaview while chatting.

After 5 hours at work, I am done with the card. Yes I am depressed, again.

If my mood is reflected in the stock market as one stock, no one would buy it.

I left the office feeling happy. I left the bookstore feeling really happy, thinking that this little happiness would last. I started working on my Xmas card, feeling happy too.

Mid-way into my Xmas card, I became so scared of the future.

What can I do.

Over the years, while I neglected the movie industry and besides contributing largely to the fashion industry, I would have devoted much attention to the industry of paper/color paper/stamps/ postcards/ color pens/ color pencils. *smucks*

Despite having a shopping list, I still spend almost half an hour in the bookstore, choosing the colors that I want. That said, I have a stack of color papers at home.

Though I have drawn the design for my first Xmas card this year, another design came to my mind yesterday. So yes, I am trying to make it into a card tonight. Wish me luck ya. Though looking at past records, I really dont make more than a few handful.

This is my friday night.

If there is one thing I want to tell you today
When everything in vain, I supposed I would have done the same things all over again.

Ok I get it.

How hard it might be, I will stick to it.

If there is one thing I want to tell you today
Ok I get it.

Something to look forward to.

Picture taken from Google.

The Princess said

If being under the same sky and standing in the same land... makes me grow hatred for you, then it will be hard to handle.

I say, if being under the same sky and standing in the same land will see us drift apart, I dont know if I can handle it.

How? I see this coming somehow.

P/s- Thats actually a hair pin. So cool!

I must be crazy. I had kimchi ramen for lunch and dinner. *smucks* Ok, I am not crazy, jus sick. Anyway I should make a visit to the bookstore soon.