I know this story entry is a bit long, but I guess I love it the way it is so me… Titled: I cry before you leave. Hope you enjoy it even though it sounds really sad. And hey, it is not only about a phone ya..
It used to be my companion, but now that it is in your hands, it turned into just a commodity for trade.
It was the first mobile to call it mine. I remembered I first held it someday in December 2000. Before that, I was using my dad’s old phone.
I still remembered I didn’t really like the idea of a phone. Because people could find me so easily. And each time it rang, I found it irritating. But as the time went by, it didn’t seem to leave my side for very long. Except in my dreams, it was never really out of my sight.
I was the one who gave it life (besides the battery and the telecommunication company). And it gave me companion too.
But now, I know it will leave me forever.
The phone that kept me in contact with my friends as I studied for the college examination at home. The phone that went to sleep with me as I waited for your message. The phone that received (and still stored) your first message from the far- away- NS- island. The phone that sees me stored my poems when I don’t carry a pen or paper with me. The phone that stores the dates that used to be important to me. The special dates when I saw you. The phone that stores the text messages that were precious to me. The phone that I left at home when I went away. The phone that I would switch off, or switch it silent, when I needed some serenity. When I needed some breathing space away from you. The phone that still carries the profile jus me. The phone that still carries the profile juice up.
Now it was just another phone the man is going to sell it away.
A phone that went through almost three years of my life with me. Something that is so guarded to be mine. Which shares and stores all my text memories. That went to bed with me whenever I wanted to read your text message to me the very moment it left your phone. The phone that would wake me up with its vibrating alarm if you drop me something.
Now it was just a phone to a stranger.
When I was on my way to the phone shop, I knew I have my beloved in my hands. No matter how beautiful other models would be, other many additional, high technological, the- so- called- value- added functions they have, my simple, blue screen Nokia 8250 is still always my favourite.
The phone that I held on to as I turned 21.
It was way time to change it because a tiny part of the casting had come off, and the battery no longer could last me for long. I really don’t mind changing for this same model, but they never keep models of three years ago in their inventory anymore. People always want something new. I am alright with new additions in my life if they do not replace my existing belongings. Because even if you would think how ridiculous this can be, I will always feel the sadness of it leaving me.
That’s why for people like me, it is never really a good thing to keep a pet. I couldn’t bear keeping a living creature with me, because I always would be thinking if it would be happier without me. If I brought to it as much happiness as it brings to me. If it would be happier with lesser food in exchange for freedom and other companion of its kind. All these were exactly what went through my mind when I reared terrapins. After I set them free, occasionally I would think of them. But I guess they should be happier away from me.
If you are happier in my absence, then I will stay away.
I know, to many others, a phone is just an assembly of the LCD screen, the battery, the buttons and the plastic casting. Or simply a tool of communication and keeping in contact with the world. And to the businesses, it is just a profit- earning commodity.
But really, didn’t you feel anything for something that went through all the days with you for years?
Something that you held with one hand to type your reply as you eat with the other hand. Something that went into the toilet with you. Something that you tried to hide under the table as you pressed the buttons and tried to listen to the class. Something that you look at the first (or second) thing in the morning, and the last thing you touched before you go to bed. Something that was with you on your study desk, and in front of you as you watched TV. Something that you checked when you came out of the shower and before drying your hairs. Something that you held on to in the bus. Something that you would look at whenever you feel bored. Something that brought to you sadness when you dropped it for the first time. Something that you decorated with your little sweet- looking pouch or socks and those little dangling stuff. Something that makes you feel lost if you carelessly left it at home.
My name is always etched on you when you were mine.
But to you, a living and breathing soul out there, was my name ever imprinted in you, even if it was for a second?
Even as you left my life, I remembered you not like the footprints on the sands, not like the clouds above our heads, not like the smoke that went up the air, not like the passing cars, not like the flowing river, not like the flown- away balloons, not like the reflections in the waters, not like the pencil marks on the paper, not like the fading pop stars, not like the dying stars in the night, not like the stars stuck on my ceiling that lost its glory as it loses its light source, not like the lost friend, not like the forgotten memories, not like the abandon kitten, not like the bird that never flew back, not like the melting snow, not like pool of water that used to be the kids’ snowman, not like the washed pillows that forget your tears at night, not like the unsaved word document, not like the discarded pager you no longer owned, not like the forsaken people in society…..
The writer’s note
It was just a phone, you may say. But if it wasn’t a phone? Soon, it wouldn’t be just a phone leaving. I will see my friends graduating, I will see my friends leaving, I will see myself still where I was as they went away…. Departure from Changi Airport is never so difficult. A holiday is ahead of you. And when your stay has expired, you take the flight back home. Everything else remains almost the same like the time you left. But this kind of separation will never be the same again. We never would be taking Investment Analysis together. We never would be mugging together. We never would be walking up the stairs to lunch at the canteen together. We never would be sitting next to each other in class together. We never would be dragging books to school together. We never would be working on our computer terminals together. We never would be taking our exams together. We never would be having our presentations together. We never would be feeling so alike together. We never would (would we?) be so close together. We never would be close in this way together.
I would walk to the computer lab and logged onto my account alone. I would lunch alone. I could even be ordering your favourite carrot juice, your favourite yam bao, your favourite yong dao hu, your favourite mango- sago but I would still be having them alone. I would occupy just one seat in the library. I would never be able to book a SR to study with you. I would see one shadow under the dazzling sunshine. I would never walk to a car park again. I would never have someone to walk with me to the co-op. I would never have someone pay for my food. I would never be able to occupy the round tables in the canteen. I would never have companion in the morning. I would never listen to your complains or grumblings or your problems any time of the day. I would never have someone to collect my print materials. I would never have someone to take a test with me. I would never have someone that would log onto my account to download that report write- up. I would never be asking you for your matriculation number to include in the cover page. I would never be able to ask you to write the parts of the report that I couldn’t write. I would never have someone who would top up my cash card anymore. I would never have someone who walk me down to get a textbook. I would never have someone who looks at the fashion in school with me. I would never have someone whom I could just take your phone and play with it. I would never have someone who owns a phone like my new phone. I would never have someone to share my sweets with. I would never have someone who lend me a jacket when I am cold. I would never have someone like you again.
I never would be me again.
I would cry before you leave.
That is why this is the first time I wish the exams never come, so that the semester will never ends, and so that the day that you would be leaving is still far away…
