My world is colourless now. Shucks and msn isnt working on this computer. Why?!? Wanted to see if doc tan is online. Hadnt been seeing him for a while huh? That explains why? Hiding myself in law library, hope to find some enlightenment? Nah jus didnt want to squueze onto bus96, so seeking coverage here... and hoping to get it done with all the project write- up...

Your presence is absent in my eyes, yet my heart could detect your existence...

Feeling super happy now. Super super happy for a matter of fact. All because of one person, who really make my day. Mr Lam, boss of the Clementi Pawnshop. We are doing a project on pawnshop.. Erm cant say too much, in case someone reading this is taking this course also! Haha! Industrial, or rather our group top secret for now... And so I went there (my friends couldnt make it at the very last minute!!) hoping to take photos and interview them. My friend told me that they surely wouldnt allow me to interview them, let alone take photos inside. But erm you can say i am stubborn, i thought since i want, i should ask. And keep asking till they allow me to! Stubborn stubborn. And i want to prove to him that he can be wrong this time. I want to prove it! And the boss really let me. Really friendly chap that gives me a boost of confident! Because this project is due next friday... yap next friday, you didnt hear me wrongly. And i was kinda sianz because i know nothing about pawnshop and i dont know where to start! So today is a great starting point and i will do all my best to do well. Wish me luck :)

p/s: put up the photos i took, but dont think would be placing a link in my blog, because its top secrets! keke but they are definitely a worthy lots of photos that i have taken!

Songs by jay chou still makes me stop and listen. Jus like his music, regardless if i really can make out what he
meant. But his new one, the one that sings about leaving...

If you are leaving, please remember me
If you are sad, please forget me...

How nice right, so touching... And his concert is coming, but I doubt none of my friends going right?

Still studying IFM. In fact jus starting to only. But alright since I wouldnt be touching buz policy write-up
today since IFM test is tomorrow! Discussed IT project over lunch at pgp and met sy's friend. Haha he's such a funny chap... couldnt stop laughing loh. Anyway erm nothing much, jus that the new dress is washed so haha reminds me of friday's presentation that's all.

Having my mid term test for IT later... But seeing all the stuff that i have to do for buz policy write- up i feel like crying. Because when new information keeps coming in, the deadline for me to finish the write-up to let other group members see the write-up doesnt change. I mean, this isnt very reasonable for i too have other work to do. It is not as though it is all of my own work. Ok two sentences of complaint is even. Wouldnt let her or anyone spoilt my day. Will come back and do the write-up...

Dear clouds,

Particularly clouds over Singapore, particularly clouds over Clementi area, particularly over Clementi Avenue 5, particularly over the jogging track, maybe you wouldn’t be raining tomorrow? Maybe you can let me know? So that if you are raining, maybe I wouldn’t need to set my alarm clock at 6am in the morning? Because, as you know, if I am awake, then I couldn’t go back to sleep. So maybe you can decide if you would be raining then, and then just drop me an email?

And if someone could invent a clock that switches off by itself when it is raining outside, that would be even better? Maybe a smarter clock that would ring ten minutes later if I would to visit the toilet in the middle of the night? Then it would be even, even better.

Yours faithfully,
Me

Suddenly felt feel of motivated. Hope it lasts... and meanwhile hope alot can be achieved since I am motivated...

Revision time eaten up by my business policy write- up. Done so much yesterday but new information came in and its like do-it-again thingy... Didnt feel well ever since lunch. Felt like vomitting and the headache never goes away. Shucks.. So probably have to keep reading my IFM and no korean show tonight.

21 in my room 

The writing of business policy write- up shall stop now. Been working on it since 8am. All i have in my brain cells are nissan, renault and renault, nissan.. Glad that much of it had been done *relax* but hope that it will turn out to be at least an A grade write- up... *please* Nothing else planned for the day. Probably going back to take a rest and do some more revision and research on pawnshop (for IT project)... And the group next to me kept taking about insurance, employees' contribution, benefits... Headache...

My hopes: Hope that i can enjoy what i am doing now (may not be doing it for too long anymore), hope that we can all be healthy, and happy, hope that the LOREAL competition turns out good & best (so that if we all clinch a job in LOREAL then yippee, dont have to crack my brain to think if to do honors or not), hope that i can sleep well tonight, hope that the one will come soon.

Have to come online because I have something to send out... couldnt say I have done alot, but at least a big part of revision for IT is done.. Tmr's concentrating on IFM... so nothing much plan, unless someone gets me to play badminton or watch terminal...

Ok ignore me if i sound crazy, but ya jus whole load of things driving me crazy... too much work. but anyway, im going to lock myself up at home for the next two days (at least) to try to get whatever needed to be done, done. So nothing else gonna bother me for these 2 days. Then hopefully much work can be done and erm ya.. sometimes i dont know if i am a devil, angel or a human.

Call me by whatever name you want to but i am someone (i realised it the very today) who presses the lift but walks down the stairs (to realise while on my way down the lift has arrived)... so what say you? someone who doesnt know her mind or someone who is not patient enough or someone, well simply jus crazy someone?

But shucks thats not the worst bit... There is this person in my life now that I thought maybe he is the one but I am really not sure if it is so or if it is jus a passing feeling. God please tell me what to do... There is no basis or evidence i can submit to justify why i felt he might be the one, but really how can there be any basis or evidence to feelings? I dont see him all the time, and even when I do, we just exchanged few conversations and we parted... This had always been so despite knowing him for a couple of years already. The whole thing has always been very simple- simple friendship, till I got it complicated, messed up and what-so-ever... Maybe it is still simple to him, but it is not for me now anymore. I felt as though I could accept him as who he is, but I really dont know whats on his side... Please tell me what can I do...

Here i am in the library again. Meeting to do project later at ten. Feeling drained, even though its only tuesday today. Probably stay at home tomorrow (some excuse to sleep more) to study keke... nothing much planned, but wondering if the terminal would still be screening by next friday? Because i have 3 mid term tests + 1 project presentation + 1 tutorial presentation + 2 project- on- the- way... so probably wouldnt find time to go to the movies. Thought of going swimming or playing badminton though, anyone?

When I given up on anger/ upset/ sadness/ hope & what-so-ever on you, I wonder what else is left on board?
Never mind, what mentioned above would have expressed that I am no longer bothered by it. Independent girl here huh? Never mind if you dont get me this time, but ya the point that i was trying to say is, when you given up on something, then probably anything is ok, and anything can be fine because you simply dont care.

When I given up on anger/ upset/ sadness/ hope & what-so-ever on you, I wonder what else is left on board?
Never mind, what mentioned above would have expressed that I am no longer bothered by it. Independent girl here huh? Never mind if you dont get me this time, but ya the point that i was trying to say is, when you given up on something, then probably anything is ok, and anything can be fine because you simply dont care.

Wanted to watch Terminal. Heard from my friend that its nice, and yapp confirmed it, so erm... see when can find time to go watch it. Now in library, working on whatever needed to be worked on. Having lunch soon... because its freezing cold here!

Been lazing around as i finished one chapter of fm... shucks, 1 chapter only. Working on sociology tutorial...
then going back to read one more chapter of fm and ifm... hopefully can read buz policy later also. Life of a
student...And its eric's birthday today! Messaged him, but erm think its the correct number right? Because he didnt reply. So Happy 21st Birthday to Eric, but dont think he is reading this though :)

and this is the happy sweet from my friend, so sweet right... 

this is probably how i look like in the morning... stoned? 

Oh guess who I saw this afternoon again? Let you do the guessing. Clue #1: Someone from channel8. Clue #2: Male. Clue #3: Someone around our age. Something to let you think about.

And got a present from sumei. This is bottle of sweets. Think she bought the bottle, and filled it up with sweets. She said its something small that she hopes to brighten my day. And ask me to take one whenever i am not happy. Very nice of her, even the box was wrapped up nicely, with little tiny, shiny stars in the box for me. And a card that comes with a poem on it. Like it! I told her, its the heart/ sincerity that counts

And I got back my grades for FM test. So scary when I went online to check this morning. Got high pass for it :)
And you know what, its so bad trying to get home on a friday evening. Traffic's so bad. And its about 9pm now...

Met jia yun @ Mac briefly. Tried the two new items on their menu. The prawn wrapper is quite alright, but guess my mum could do a better job. Haha. And the prawn burger is rather ordinary. But ya at least its a different lunch and get to meet jia yun though the moment she heard that i wanted to take photos with my digi cam, she said she wanted to go home. Haha! She is always so supportive except when it comes to taking photos! Guess i really take too much photos already. And saw terence from tanglin. Going to get some reading done before lessons at 3pm...

Finally back at buz library this morning. That familiar routinue of mine of last semester. But ya yapp: not peeking into someone's screen :) Feeling erm nothing much, jus that the highlight of the day is meeting jia yun for lunch later. Didnt sleep much last night so i bet today's gonna be a long day... Next week is the term break. Of course nothing much's plan except study, studying and still studying... I dont even feel like a friday already.

Came back at around 3pm since I couldnt concentrate in law lib. Erm saw aikai today. keke he meeting roderick for lunch. So nice right.

Anyway today i am smelling like strawberries. (yesterday's sugar cane) Strawberry ice- cream, strawberry cake or strawberry cookie cream- you decide. haha quite nice smell :) Erm dont know why hui xian & guys would think of buying this as present for me but i like it. I mean because i dont think i mention before that i like to use this cocoa- butter hand lotion from marks & spencer. Like these smell because it makes me aware of my presence haha! So thanks to them... But i foresee that it can be addictive..

And saw the hosts from school belle around co-op today. Saw kelvin... shucks not even studying... tonight will...

Was too tired to get up this morning despite sleeping really early last night. And so this explains why I am at home now. Feeling abit weak, or sick? I dont know. But would take VitC later, because my throat doesnt really feel well. Getting ready to go to school already.

this is another present that my friends, piggy, zen, yixiang & lihui bought for me... i jus used it jus now.. nice smell... very creative product i think... and opps did i say its sugar cane... :)

haha ok mus show this photo to "prove" that i do smile when taking photos... 

ok thats the birthday present i got from s21... love it... the other day went to city chain and realised that this is still the design i love... :) thanks thanks... 

ok thats the remaining of my 21st birthday cake... erm talking to zen now, getting ready to go to school already. hungry? haha!

Staying at home to study today. But might be going for the wed evening lect so that on thurs i dont have to go all the way to engine for the same lect. But feeling kinda of sleepy while studying at home haha! But definitely more comfortable at home huh... at the very least, dont have to dress up for school, can laze around, can watch some tv, can walk about (and dont look too weird) and its not as cold as in the library!! And now i know why every other day i was warn that my mailbox is full- because i never delete those sent items! No wonder?!?

While logging onto this computer, i saw all the pdf files of the different companies that we needed infor on for last semester's CF project. :) Tough but now it brought back sweet & funny memories of those times. Super cold in here, but trying to do my readings, as usual. Might not want to come to school tomorrow. Can always go for the thurs lect if so. Oh anyway jus now when we went to get a file for our ifm project, met with this chamleon on the way. Orange one, on the tree. I was like terrified though it was on the tree, posing no obvious threat to me, but still... erm i guess girls are scared of their presence. Haha..

A pinch of sadness linger over me. Around my room. Surround me like the air or the music. I wonder why

I sat outside the law library, feeling so tired. A very weird feeling of tiredness. As though my heart weighs a million ton. My hands reached out for the card. First time you wrote something for me. I will try. But really that the good times are ahead of me? I dont even know that myself. I am not even sure of that myself. Then I remembered I shall not cry. Yesterday I cried when was talking to wx.

Patiently waiting for my photos to be upload... keke... erm now in law library, having lessons at soc at 10am...

My cousin called from australia last time, wishing me & my sister happy birthday... Still remembered that we used to celebrate our birthdays together, since its within one week of september (me on the 10th, my sister 12th and my cousin 16th). And we used to share a birthday cake. We would stand in front of the cake, with my cousin on one side, me in the middle and my sister on the other side (as accord to our heights)... haha but thats quite some time ago already. The last time we were together celebrating birthday was probably when my cousin turned 21.

Ok, hopefully my computer is well and alright. Because this owner (which is me) is obviously a computer idiot... so as long as it is working good, you wouldnt hear me complaining.

Hadnt been doing much work this week.. My excuse: birthday mood. Hhaha! Now the guilt starts to attack me. So I probably be doing some work (trying very hard to, after spending half the afternoon "cleaning" my computer with the whatever ad aware software thingy). Later there is david yeo on TV... haha another excuse to watch tv again!

thats aikai, me & big bird (shen kiat)... more photos as you scroll down and more photos on monday... and someone please bless my computer... hope it will be healthy & fit always :) by the way, who is me huh? Yaya david yeo is good, I agree. But dont have to leave a message without name right. Me...?

Firstly, have to say thanks for everyone who is here. They really make this 21st birthday a very memorable one for me.

People who came includes (00s21) aikai, eric, irvin, pei thung, melvin, ben, big bird (shen kiat), chong hua, alan, yvonne, shufen, xue yan, felicia, yinling, jasmine, yinling, mannan & family, then (tanglin sec) hui xian & yixiang, (pei tong primary) hazel & clement, (nus) jiayun, charles, didier, junfeng, huishan, lihui & of course my family.

Well, when lessons ended at 530++pm, i went to law library to wait for my dad to come. Hui shan came along and ya dad came soon after. Dad & mum went to collect the cake. So when I arrived home, the food trays are being set up. I hurried to get dressed, and do some last minute make-up. Soon after huixian, yixiang & junfeng came. They hang around at my room, looking at photos and chit chatting. Then jiayun came (her present is so nicely wrapped), and lihui is here. Jasmine, felicia & yinling came, and then i was moving around quite abit. But was quite fun.

More fun came when s21 people came. Aikai led the way and heard him saying the rest again. (You all 21 years old or 10 years old huh?) Haha he is so funny loh. He always make me laugh & whenever I see him in law library, it brighten my day (especially when his tshirt is of loud colours). Then they came and packed the living room till at one point of time, eric had to sit on the floor. Everyone gets the food and crowd around to eat & chat. Im immersed in the warming atmosphere. Eventually we did something we LUV to do- play
cards. Uno (pei thung & big bird always fighting for the last spot) & afterwards a card clearing game that aikai
introduced to us. He was explaining the rules and when irvin & shufen wanted to play bidge (yaya our favourite game aso!), he kept asking them to listen to him explain the rules... Anyway it was really fun playing in such a big group. Sometimes when people win at the early stage, they had to wait so long before everyone finishes the game & start another round (especially shufen cos she is really good at playing). And mannan & family came. So nice to see them. Thought he arent coming.

Then its cutting- the- cake time. We sang happy birthday in english then chinese and ben even wanted to sing in hokkien. Oh ya the shots in the dark is nice right. Think ben and melvin switched off the lights. And it was about 9 plus already. Everyone hang around abit before leaving. And they left behind nice memories for me & a void around in the house.

ooh and someone left a message on my computer that says Happy 21st birthday!! erm who huh? thanks once again.

nice rite... they switched off the lights and it looks so nice - blue berry cake btw...  

aunt, uncle jeff and me 

me about to cut the cake... 

nice shot rig 

didier, me & charles... they went all over the neighbour to finally find my house :)  

thats junfeng, lihui, yixiang, me & hui xian  

s21... hey so cool rite, so many of them are here with me today... 

waiting to blow the candles... 

me with the cake.  

Jus came back from the discussion. Is a hummm one. Define hummm? Looks alright on the surface but erm ya, not always so. And oh ya, I didnt wear socks today with my nike shoes. Feeling "closer to nature" but only possible with since I am about and around in school (and in air conditioned area) for a little while.

Jus came back from the discussion. Is a hummm one. Define hummm? Looks alright on the surface but erm ya, not always so.

Here I am sitting in front of the computer, in that little corner in law library. The corner's all for myself, so at least no one will peek and see that i am writing here i am sitting in front of the computer....

Going for discussion & class later. I woke up at ten plus today, and spent half the morning lying on bed, a quarter morning in the toilet (stomach ache) and the remaining having lunch & tv. Relaxing start, finally. A little disappointed when I wouldnt be seeing one friend later, jus a little. Got much happier when I remember the rest of my friends who would be coming over to my place tonight.

Well, last nite at 11 plus to 12 plus, I was reading the magazine and later went to bed. Of course before I went to bed, I was writing my thoughts & feelings of turning 21.

Well, gave my parents & my sister a little card each before I left home. Erm wrote down what I want to say to them, but wouldnt have said it face-to-face lah. And probably get something for my grandmother because she is really nice to me. Even came over and cooked lunch for me today and went to the supermarket to buy tibits for my friends to eat later tonight :) And so I probably would drop in later tonight ya? Will enjoy... (going to do some readings- nah no excuse even if its birthday today ok) *smuck*

Hope i can finish with my IFM report by today. The qualitative analysis of the countries is doing quite ok, jus that I dont know how about to analysis UK... Jus say everything is good huh, since its one of the two countries we choose. But the worse part is the exchange rates part. The term structure of interest rates, all those BOP, trade balances are so alien to me, very difficult to write. But then again I realised I know nothing (about crunching numbers & data) except write. How to be a year 4 houours student doing thesis??? And I dont know why I can still be the finance major. And I can track back to question how come I got myself a place here? Everything sounds beyond me?

Here I am at buz library finally. Out of a sudden i am not used to having people walked behind me as i work on the computer. But well, i probably will get used to being here again if i come here more often.

Trying very hard to think of why i am gaining weights. Too much food? Too little jogging? Okok you would be thinking by now "Why all this about losing weights again?". And yaya I am thin but you see, i think i am gaining fats on my stomach... which is the most obvious place to put on weight, because it shows with whatever you wear now. And no one else believes me when i say i am putting on weight, and i really cant figure out why. Same food (almost), same lifestyle (should be, jus that i am getting lesser sleep this week) and weight gain isit about a one, two days thingy. Not as though it was because i was lazy for 2 days and had too much food for 3 conservative days. It must have started long ago without my notice.

And here i am unable to concentrate. Tired? Nah jus another excuse, but after my discussion, i will go back and sleep. Otherwise all i am doing is jus thinking desperately what are my strategies to lose weights on my stomach and looking at the girl using the next computer writing an email saying here i am writing an email to you as i have promised you. i was very happy last evening with phonexi's (or some names that i cant figure out unless i stared hard enough at her screen) help. Alright, she is gone by now, and im not that unethical/ busybody to know what else she got to say....

Here i am again, busy writing the ifm report in library. Date due's next tuesday. Had been writing since morning, but everything looks good to me now. Progress good too. Later shall get sy to read and see how it goes. After that, probaby got to refresh how to write a proper and good (A grade maybe) case report for buz policy. Thought about it last nite but was too sleepy then to recall much good pointers. The terminal that i am using is quite nice, since its one little corner on its own. So its kinda of like my own room. Jus that the reception here is non existent, so the ringing machine and the radio dont work here.

Oh and guess what, the memory card can takes up to erm 200+ photos at one go. Good.. Tomorrow's going to be packed with tutorial and project discussion. Friday morning would be free, but a time for self revision (argh!?) again. Followed by buz policy discussion and tutorial and guess what? What? My party! Erm not going to reveal too much about it now, let all be a surprise huh. But can expect lots of photos. Some time ago, when i hadnt decide if to have a party or not, i thought i would probably spend that day like: jog in the morning, go back home for a nap, then go for afternoon classes, go home, watch tv, sleep. But erm at least now things look brighter, at least something for me to look forward to, something for me to remember in years to come. I dont know if turning 21 is significant, but i guess its good to have many of my close and important family and friends with me..

Waiting for a lift from dad, so still hanging around library. The day started early and so feeling drained now. Basically jus want to go back, shower, watch tv, have dinner, do the stuff needed for thurs sociology presentation and yap go to zZz...

Feeling exhausted now. Cant even read a few pages from FM text. What to do? Going back later for dinner, sleep early and do some reading tomorrow morning before the test then...

Even though how much I wish you would be there, I know you still wouldnt. So I didnt even try to convince you. Even if I really wish to see you that day. Actually even before I asked, I already know your answer. I just thought perhaps you would have agreed. SO perhaps I will see you next friday? If you arent coming for classes, I would be disappointed. But somehow, as long as you are happy, I guess there isnt any complaints from my side. p/s: I know it isnt something really important nor if it signify anything. Its just a wish, thats all.

Grandmother came, with food (vegetarian noodles from Tanglin Halt is great!) and my present. Later going to shower and watch the 1pm korea show. Then going to finish my IFM homework and start revising for FM test.

I stood by The Deck and looked across to see the campus, to see the ports. They looked beautiful, though lonely on a Friday evening. Maybe things look beautiful when you feel good. Things, a week ago, a month ago, werent that nice looking. I hope everything will be going on good.

Looking at piggy's photo album. Thats the best part about digi cam. Allow you to keep snapping. But as usual, Im really into that holiday thingy. But I will still be applying for the internship thingy. So if i got one, then thats the case. If not, I will definitely find someplace to run to. Wanted to apply to the singapore press holding intern, but they wanted marketing majors. Might ask if i can apply, because I really want to try working there. Get a feel of those editors and people like that. Feeling tired... not really concentrating on studying. But shall try to get some work done..

To describe how I am feeling now in one sentence: When domestic companies have foreign owners, domestic residents feel they have less control over market forces, stock prices, local employment decisions, and ownership of their domestic industries. Erm so you figure it out?

I know what I want to buy already. But really all this stuff about seeing who everyday, buying what, there is nothing i am looking foward in life, for this moment. Need I say more?

Oh i didnt mention about my friends and i entering into the wrong class last week huh? Ok, we were at soc for tutorial. So we stood along the corridor and when the lecturer came, we jus went into the class with him. The three of us sat at the last row and the tutorial began. Then the lecturer/ tutor counted the number of people in his class and said that he should have 21 registered students and now there are 24. So we asked among ourselves if we went into the wrong class. I searched for my class timetable while another friend went to see if our names were on the class list. Then we realised we went into the wrong class! It should be the classroom on the other side of the corridor. So the three of us stepped out of our class to find that the rest were giggling. Haha!

Erm anyway reached home at ten plus last nite, and was awfully tired. But didnt buy that sun dress. Wanted to, but erm still undecisive. Scared mum's not going to like it. If its pink, i would have bought it immediately. But still thinking about it, maybe if i really want, i can drop by hereen or somewhere with surf bay to buy it. Kinda of like the stuff from that, not really really like, jus thought some are alright. Bought a bag from there for my friend 21st too. Anyway really like this pink dress from a shop in hereen. Haha so classic and elegant, but its not something that you wear to school. More like a function dress, so im not getting that (though i really love it).