dear me
be brave ya...

long day today... so sleepy now.. going to watch yan zi on tv, then heading off to bed... zZZZZ

24nov :) is the day

listening to clay's new cd...
gotta get back to work... !?!?! waiting...

When you are in conflict with the world
it is when you need time alone

When the world is in conflict with you
you need to believe you need to be yourself

***
work.. work.. work argh!

without you guys, my starting ground wouldnt be there
and i wouldnt have to take a new, unfamiliar route
but yet if without you guys,
then i never would find the way there

found the way..
(hmm its so complicated that i wouldnt know ht take the same route the next time if on my own..)

i feeling drained. but at least i made my choice.
one that i feel it is best for me.

am i happy?

im here, not far away. at least i dont think so already.
and im happy.

live, even when the hope that appears disappear
because if it hadnt appear
your life will remain the same
jus that its short- lived presence left a trace in your soul
in your heart
you thought you could have been better with it.

why isit now only that i think i am happy?

i mean yap, i dont have much things to be happy about, but i am not unhappy, so i should be happy isit? so if i am happy now, then if things are no longer this way, then would i still be happy?

i always feel that i never wanted many things. because simplistic should be treasured. i feel that even though your dreams (some) are not achieved as yet, or never, its alright, because its the dream that kept you alive. so when the dream is achieved, dont you think you need more goals in your life to work towards to? and dont you think this complicates your life?

my life now is complicated. i wish for the things before the complication appears. but yap, you dont get the wish all the time. and i was the one who introduce the complication. only i would be able to retify the problem.

even if the problem is retify, it doesnt mean i would i would be happy, because the solution might cause changes in my life...

you get what i mean?

the thought of leaving everything behind
and starting it all over again
somewhere else troubled me. still.

you dont really think it is meant for you.
its jus there and you are glad it appears in your life.
but when you realise someone else owns it,
still, there is this tiny star that burns out.

my messy thoughts for the day

Why do i have to face the world now, this moment when i am happier than i imagine i would be?

Its when you are happy that you cant let go of things. You cant bear to. You wish for the certainity. You wish for the unchanged. And its a wish because you see that whatever choices you would make, whatever choices others would make, they change things.

Things from afar always seem so much more perfect than when they are in front of you.

in less than 12 weeks, i might not even be here..

its the first time ever since im in uni that i took a second look at the surroundings, as if i wouldnt get a chance later. know it sounds silly. its me. im silly.

then i told myself, this might be the semester that im going to enjoy most. so i should enjoy now. now. now, i should be happy. indeed this sem has been the happier for me so far. i fulfil some of the dreams i always wanted to. even though there is always something out there for me still. so the purpose of my life should never end. should never end at this moment.

possible of less than 12 weeks of singapore.

maybe, eventually i didnt leave.

when life was much simple, things are simple too..

why do i have dreams and hopes? it jus gives me too many choices, i cant cope

jus had ice`cream. again. ate it when im happy. ate it when im not unhappy. nah, i jus eat them when i feel like it.

todays like a roller coaster ride for me. from the feeling of sadness and hopeless in the morning, to a reality and sort of monodonous feeling, and finally to a feeling of shocked, confused and helpless..

will tell u more when i can..

why do i have to see it.. i thought it didnt really matter.

maybe.

maybe not.

i have appetite for : chocolate muffins, ice cream, lunch, music and sleep (thats later)...

gotta finish the report, get myself sweat out with the jog, then sleep shall follow..

im happy. because im living a life. today.