Great, I don't really know how to not get myself into little life confusions/messes like:

Putting yoghurt into freezer thinking it was the refrigerator and get frozen yoghurt cubes
Mixing people's name with their surname
Nearly fell into a drain when trying to cross it to get to bridge
Capping the water flask which is overfilled with water

I am trying hard to get used to it, and trying not to show it, or feel it to be any different.

But for the records, it cannot be more different than what it used to be. I dont have anyone besides to talk to, I dont know what my friends are up with and even during lunches I get disconnected at times.

My days

This is the finale of the Ender's game series, and the last of Ender and parallel series book that I read. That even my reading companion had a little paragraph in the email upon finishing this last one. Ender is dead (or in another way, no) and the scene that came to my mind was the winning Ender, the tired Ender and the Ender by the lake, depressed.

As though this is the farewell too, because now we have another lesser ansible.

It wouldn't be considered a nightmare if it will happen eventually no matter how, but I didn't expect to see it, not in my dreams, not in real life, not anywhere. Because if you don't see it, you wouldn't have flashbacks that's too painful to occur. So it still came like a shock somehow to see it unfolding all in front of me, for me to face what I don't want to in reality.

My 10-day break ends tonight and it feels like going back to first week of May all over again, like going back to the new office/department all on my own all over again and what-again.

I am hanging on there. It wasn't too pessimistic but I am jus still alittle on the worrying side. But I am looking forward and already counting down to 10 weeks from now. Because it will be everything but this- Paris, Lucerne, Chamonix, train rides, shopping, eating, sightseeing, my holiday, family holiday, Paris aunt.

Because, it was a dream from 5 years ago, after I stepped foot on and came back from Barcelona.

My 10 days holiday is coming to an end. Knowing that the holiday will end in 10 days does affect how much of a holiday you can derive out of it but I did some of the things that I want to; train ride to KL and back, all the surfing and swimming, breaking out in sweats from the afternoon naps, resting well and basically staying at home.

Greed and worries make people unhappy, at least for me. But greed is a tiger than can be tame, because if you dont have/cannot have something, sometimes no matter how hard you try you still wouldnt get it and I accept this. But worries seem to consume me of my energy and enthusaism, which is worrying in itself. If I can convince myself on a long term basis, because short term is easy, that worrying is of no value because what will happen will happen and what will not happen will not happen and all I can do is to do whatever is necessary if it happens or if it does not happen, then I think things will be better.

I have wanted to travel all the way back to Hat Yai via the jungle line, the one we did in January 2011 but eventually settled for 25 hours with Kuala Lumpur, with about 6,7 hours in KL and the rest on the train. And I dont think I have been to KL (the day trip years ago should be to JB) before this.

The city line kept me wondering how would the jungle line be like in the day but I think I am rather done with the city train ride. All the more makes me look forward to train ride to hopefully Chamonix, and Lucerne later this year.


Singapore


Along the way in JB


Legendary Overseas Restaurant, S$7.50 for this plate


Black hokkien mee that I tasted years ago and wanted to eat it again, from Restoran Kim Lian Kee






Waiting for this shot!



*
[No I wasn't lost]

I hadn't told you so.

My new home by

Suntracks Concepts

!

We have been living in here for a few months and its really comfortable that sometimes you don't want to go out.

The living room

The open concept kitchen

Great lights at night



Common toilet



Master bedroom

Master bedroom toilet

Master bedroom toilet

My room!

My sister's room

With 5 million people living on the island or trying to leave the island at any one point in time, reservation is the tool to getting a table in the restaurant or a train ticket. And I still hadn't gotten my ticket and I have to go down tomorrow hoping to get one.

I am pretty excited.

I had two swims this week already, considering that I no longer have the convenience and free use of an office pool. I ended up going to the public pool in Clementi and Buona Vista. It wasn't as easy as when I was used to where I swim and now it depends on where I am nearer to. The warm weather meant that a non-heated pool was officially warmer than a heated one, but anywhere nearer to the sky and water is good enough for me.

I have an unexpected stretch of leave, I think so. If I dont have a companion, I might still run off for a free and easy train ride. It's not that flexible for the fact that I already saw the train schedules and know when I can hop off/on. It sounds scary but it makes you feel alive when you do scary things. Alone, even if its alone.

*

You know I talk more than I was being talked to so I am thankful that you are still talking to me, that you are talking to me this way.

So let's say hi again one week-ish from now, shall we.

I hope to drop you a postcard.

I am pretty excited about going to Paris/Europe again this year. The first time when I was in Paris, I don't think I will be returning soon because there wasn't much I want to go there already. But I was back there last year for some visiting and enjoyed greatly staying over in not a budget hotel but a home even if I didnt feel excited about the trip even when I landed in CDG. And this year again, we would be going to Paris for part of the family Europe trip, and I would be spending some time alone there first as well.

I think I am thinking of Chamonix and those mountains and blue sky.

I should be conscious to read `Why the sky is blue.

I have been working too hard and playing too much, and I think its way time to do other things already, and one of them being stopping in the tracks.

Polling Day Come-visit-my-home









Brief but fun nevertheless.

And so we met before 9ish at Prague, this place with live band, drinks and food in Tanjong Pagar. To pour over what we went through the last days or so; to see someone smiling shiny for all the good sleep; to sit in the toilet of Amara Hotel to continue; and to even stand by the roads to talk when we were asked to leave the toilet to facilitate cleaning.

See you guys in a few hours time.

I ran home for comfort food of instant mee and mamee monster- because I was jus simply disappointed for the day.

The first day at the new office, new place was finally over, but never really will be over because each and every day I am going to go through it all over again, until I cannot recall how different this is.

It was almost like 5 years ago, all over again in a new place, but today I was not the fresh graduate who really wouldn't know much and can be expected to not know. I wasn't the girl who has friends out there somewhere, but one who has friends and people I know so near but so far, who is expected to know.

I guess I can lament all about how lonely, how alone, how silent the day was; like how I opened up all the chocolate beans and sweets to munch and how I stared at those photos and out; like how only Hello Kitty Super Junior my little living plant is happy with all the sun she is getting. But at the same time the only way to go is to hello-wake-up-and-be-independent because I am no longer the girl 5 years ago. I am not going to prove you right that I am wrong at this.

That, I keep telling myself, I can do it. There is nothing wrong with me, even if I still knock into things some of the time.

I didn't know why/how but I cried before I went to bed and now I cannot get back to sleep, and I have been having (albeit mad) nightmares the past few nights- because when the week starts today, I will be on my own and I think it's freaking me out more than I say it (I don't quite say it anyway).

I have this habit of leaving what I want to tell you till I see you in the mornings to tell you to realise that I don't have any more mornings with you already.

It seemed like this is the most appropriate time to have finished Shadow of the Giant, my 8th Card book, today. The last weekend after which I would start the week (and for the rest of who knows how long) away from everything in the past 5 years since I came in/ everything in the past 7 months that things changed. That you are like who Bean is to Petra, only pity that I am not to you who Petra is to Bean, especially when you were the giant so close. The book was especially touching when Bean had to go away, away from Petra forever that when Petra aged and passed on, Bean might still be alive in travel. Even in that hastily manner the pain was evidently clear to me and Petra, let alone the four months of luxury I had to say goodbye. That the letter Bean wrote to Petra, that the entire was "I love you" and how Peter Wiggin said "I love you". It was so painful that Bean cannot be with Petra but this is how the book is.

Save my heart, because I couldn't tell you enough, or even at all.

The very last book left I supposed would be Children of the Mind, which I think you should have the honour to read first. And that like the hope that the author might be adding another book to the series, this would have been the closest we can get and from now onwards we would get further.

Literally renewed this book which wasn't borowed under my name- this is my 7th book by Card. Comprises of 4 short stories that fit into the Ender's Game series along the way- the story about how Jane came about and how did Ender's parents meet were my favourite, especially that of Jane. So much we know about her but not right from the start. But of course I still love his books more than short stories, his EG series. I am mid-way into finish Shadow of a Giant, the parallel series. And finally, I got to lay my hands on the last book of the EG series- Children of the mind.