Today's topic on HK is food! Wanted to write on this long ago. But I bet its going to be a super duper long one. So lets go slow. Let this be Part 1. For those food that are available in the airport, you can see how you want to arrange to try them.

Mango Glutinous rice, Xu Lu Shan (Available in the airport)
First food that I ate when I landed in HK International Airport. Glutinous rice is thin and chewy, while its mango filling is generously sweet and satisfying. But since mango can be heaty, and for the days to come, share with your friend. Definitely a must-try.

Satay King, Tsim Sha Tsin
Serves a wide variety of food including HK's favourite pork chop rice in all kind of sauces. My TP ate beef noodles, supposedly famously delicious. I ate white sauce pork chop rice. Real tender meat that has absorbed the mouth watering sauce. Lobster soup a bowl at less than SGD 2? Excellent bargin. And it didnt taste substandard either, so its another must-try. But I guess since its new promotion of this dish, subsequently prices wouldnt be this cheap.

Da Jia Le (Available in the airport)
You will see this eatry everywhere so its ultra convenient for any food lover. Its melon soup is a must try. Removing much meat of a small melon, its soup is contained in it. Together they are boiled. Hence besides the soup and ingredients you get to eat, you can scrape the melon meat of your "bowl". If there is MSG added to it, it is minimal. Its pork chop rice is another testimony of how much HK-ers can eat, and how much they like pork chop rice.

Harbourcity's Cooked Deli by SuperCity.
Harbourcity is the name of the shopping centre. Located near to Tsim Sha Tsin MTR and famous shopping centre, it is not difficult to locate. Huge shopping mall. Its so-called food court is called Cooked Deli. The ice cream store promises much. We tried toufu ice cream and ferrado rocher (dont know how to spell) flavour. Try it!

Things I want to buy on Tuesday
1. Birenstock slippers or something similar
2. Shorts
3. 3/4
4. Skirt

Sounds like I might be deprived from shopping for a while? I think so though I dont hope so.

Guess what I wanted to show you guys in this photo? First, its the pricing- real competitive, not like in Singapore. Heard that rebonding in Orchard area costs around 300++++++ bucks. What! I cant believe it. I am doing at less than 1/3 of the price, and drop in a great hair cut, and in one of HK's shopping belt. But mainly, its the 14days gurantee! Didnt know that HK has that till my friend saw this. Us? Nah nah nah. 

I want this! Haha no jus joking. I dont want to be the laughing stock nor the attention catcher, at least not in this way. Maybe this pair would be ok for me without the yellow thingy. But well its the yellows thats making it eye catching. I guess I am still me, say I am not fashionable or slow, but I am still me. 

Yes, see I am not dreaming!  

Thats me. The pants' from Hk. You would think nothing is special, but sure it is. Never mind, you have to see it to agree. Anyway such pants come in the brightest colours. Nice but difficult to mix and match. Erm should have bought still?  

Maybe I hadnt known, as to yet, what makes me happy. I meant those secured kind of happiness. Or probably I tend to forget happiness real fast and clean. I only seems to remember bubbles- happineness.

But at least I know what makes me relax. Pink and a good shower. Pink meaning anything pink on me. A good shower refers to fragant shampoo, attractive shower gel (yes I dont use soap) and nice cleaning foam. At least today I thought I was a Hello-kitty shaped strawberry cake, with fresh cream and oranges as the decoration. Yes, receipe being the orange tea tree shampoo, strawberry shower gel, dove shower gel and fruity cleaning foam. I am spoilt!

Ok this is a pair of birkenstock. Top left. Of course I reckon Singapore carries only the plain pairs of birkenstock, without the Disney prints and all that. Ok mainly for piggy and JY because I want to know where to buy one! But anyone knows? 

Jus couldnt do anything. So from last night's 7pm, I slept till this morning's 5pm. Worked on my thesis for a while and went to sleep at 7am till 9am. After a total of 10 hours of sleep, still feeling sleepy. How that could be?

But I had a dream. Dreamt that I was holidaying in Australia. Dreamt that I stayed on in one of the resort and never to come back. Not a bad dream actually. Actually I wouldnt mind so much of a resort management job aboard.

And my supervisor is going away on and off till my birthday. Though that, it is making me feel more jerky.

Ok say I am childish, say I am a blind fashion bat, say what you want. But I think I want something of the following. Since my birthday is coming soon (happens to be around the time when my supervisor will be popping home and thereby expecting something concrete, complicated and complete of model design from me), I can dream big.

Give me anything from the below list
1. A pair of Birkenstock
2. A pair of Birkenstock with any Disney or Hello Kitty as the design prints.
3. A pair of 3/4 that is tight at the bottom due to buttons (not strings)
4. A Mickey/ Hello Kitty tee
5. A pair of baby pink snickers
6. A Disney watch
7. The cheapest of all: A mini skirt (not those really mini ones, but not those long ones too. Prefer bright and of few colours. Nothing green, white, grey or black.)
8. The ultra cheap of all: Alternatively, jus tell me where exactly to get what I want without buying for me!

Then I realised that I am not some blogs which garner lots of readership nor support, so there goes my birthday dream list! And hey I am not jealous, I am jus reminding myself of reality.
And I am also kindly reminded that any of the items on the above list seems expensive. But if you dont mind, you can share with my other friends :) *smucks*

Now I am so scared of my 22nd birthday because
1. I am scared I wouldnt be getting presents
2. I am scared friends would forget its my birthday
3. I am scared that I would feel sad on that day because as compared to 21st, it is worlds apart.
4. I am scared because my supervisor would be expecting me.
5. I am scared because my supervisor will expect something concrete from me.
6. I am scared because I know I wouldnt be getting anything from the above list and there goes my dream + daydreaming.
7. I am scared that I would be spending it alone.
8. I am scared that I would be too busy to celebrate it.
9. I am scared that I would be telling my friends that I am busy when actually I too scared to celebrate it.
10. I am scared that there is nothing for me to look forward to after my birthday, because the next big thing seems to be my graduation.

Ok its 10:39am, stop dreaming, go back to literature reading #26. (Maybe by putting the number up here would motivate me to read faster)

Today's topic on HK trip is about the first night at Kimberly. Guess the early plane flight, half day of shopping and late night shopping after super made us fatigue. Not much spoken and we both fell asleep. I didnt even remember myself changing positions the moment I fell asleep. Thats why I woke up feeling pain on my right ear- been sleeping on the right side of the bed. And I thought I barely could move, because my whole body ache! Subsequently, I guess my body gets engineered such that it is used to such long and intensive hours of walking that it didnt get that tired anymore. And of course, I slept peacefully each and every night.

The entry you are about to read is pre-written on the 27July05, hence the obvious variance in the writer's mood

Today's topic on my HK trip continues. See, I say I really have so much to rattle on and on. To me, I think no matter where one goes for a holiday, don’t jus treat oneself as a tourist, otherwise you never will get to see beyond what country promotional tapes i.e. what tourists see- superficial. Try as much to mingle with the local culture.

Today sharing's about my journey to Victoria Peak. If you still doubt that I went to VP on my own, your doubts should end here. If you also wondered if I quarrel with my traveling partner TP, then the answer is no. I jus thought since after 3.5 days of shopping, I really wanted a break from it. And I wanted to explore HK based on my means. Hence after separating from my TP outside Tsim Sha Tsin MTR station, I began to find my way back to Kimberly. Of course the dumb me started to get confused with the seemingly alike streets. I know how to walk from Kimberly to MTR station but walking back seems to require a higher cognitive order of the mind- reversing. So of course the smart me tells me to go ask for directions. And since I couldn’t remember how to pronounce Kimberly in canto, I decided to take out the hotel card to ask for directions from a patrolling police officer. Yes, that’s a smarter thing than to pick someone from the streets because (1) you don’t know if they really know the place (2) more importantly it is not that safe. Of course the policeman replied me in canto. I jus know that he told me to cross the first road junction. But before crossing the road, I asked another passerby to help me take a photo of me. Initially he refused, thinking that I want to take a photo of him. But the next moment he gets my hand signal. So there goes the picture and next I am crossing the road. The reasons for going back to Kimberly are easy. (1) I need someone to ask for directions (2) I need a map not jus directions and (3) I need a toilet.

So when I reached Kimberly, I asked the receptionist. She is the same girl who attended to us when we first arrived. Familiar with her and of course more at ease. Yes I am less comfortable with strangers or first- timer also because I am someone more sentimental. Ok anyway I asked (1) how to go to Victoria Peak (2) how long does it takes (3) how much does it costs. Excellent isn’t it? Armed with the map, I kept it well. Another smart thing for a tourist. Don’t keep holding the map because it would announce to the world whole especially the bandits that you are a tourist. Of course, the dumb thing is because a map makes limited sense to me, so rather pointless to keep holding it. Comfortably I walked to the MTR and took the train.

Alighted at Central (their Shenton way- business distinct), I was totally surprised to find foreign workers gathering there. Since it is Saturday evening, I reckoned I wouldn’t see many of the businessman in suits. Oh and another point we concluded is that, you tend to find people on the streets of HK better groomed than on our streets, even the working class too.

Anyway I asked another patrolling police officer and a tourist to help me take the next two photos, one in front of HSBC Hong Kong and another in front of a statue (which I didn’t find out what’s its purpose).

Then I went into Prince Building to ask a security guard how to get to the Peak Tram. I jus love the names of places in Hk. You have Prince Building, Queen MTR station, University MTR station and endless interesting and attractive names. Better than some Malay names that I don’t know how to read. But of course it has to do with our origins so no complains from me.
Then I crossed the streets, overwhelmed by the huge buildings surrounding me. As I was about to cross another road and after much contemplating, I decided to ask the lady in front of me if I am in the right track to Peak Tram. Smart thing to ask aunties with their families- safer people. Guess what? She is also bringing her relatives from Malaysia to VP so she said I could follow her. Which is even better- makes my task easier, though without her I don’t think I felt scared.
Don’t know why, guess my morale was super duper zuper high on that day. Then we came to this place and it was full of people queuing to go up. Amazing stuff. Waited patiently for the tram. The posters, TV program and little store selling tram-shaped postcards is enough to keep me occupied.

While waiting for the next tram so that we can have a seat, the lady kindly took photos for me. See she is so kind! Should have taken a photo with her. Guess I was jus afraid that it would be too late so subsequently I left on my own. Her mother is also kind enough to ask questions regarding my background, if I have eaten and told me to watch my money.
Seated on the left compartment of the tram by the window, I love to witness how the tram went up such a slope. Though it was rather dim, but you could see jus how steep the tram gets. Halfway up, there was fireworks. Heard that they don’t have it everyday. Guess it must be my lucky day. The spirits in the tram was high, everyone got excited over the fireworks and wished to reach the peak soon.

When we reached the peak, I climbed to a real high place to take photos and videos of the fireworks. Subsequently I followed the family to visit the Peak Gallery (a shopping mall). I didn’t even go to many shops, jus went to the first few that sells souvenirs. Should have visited the shoe shop there. Next time!

Then I spend much time taking photos of the view I could get. What a beautiful scene. Initially I thought how nice if I would to live near the peak and often get to see the views of HK. But I reckoned that sometimes the more you see something, the less you feel for it. Maybe by then, the peak will seem boring and dull to me. Which would be a very terrible thing. Because if standing on such high grounds, viewing HK in front of you, taking in everything and you could feel nothing at all, then I don’t know what is in store in life that could gives you excitement, view- ness and emotions. So I concluded that the peak should jus lives in my heart.
As I mentioned before, I wasn’t very much excited till I reached the peak. I forced myself to keep the camera and stood there to take in everything in front of me. I did this for quite some time. And it was those moments when I feel like crying, because it is jus so amazing. I wanted to scream out loud that this is utter beautiful. Yes.

After getting key chains and magnets, enough of photo taking, I thought it might be time to leave. I told myself, this is not the last time I would be here. I know this is true.

Knew that I can take a minibus down so I approached the information counter. Wanted to take a different transportation down and thought it’s an excellent chance to ride on their minibus, something I really like from watching HK dramas. While reaching the queue for the minibus, I confirmed with the couple in front of me that the minibus would bring me to Central. Such a small world, they are from Singapore too. The husband even visits NUS Arts canteen often for meals. As well, as everyone is hurrying back to their hotels after a long day, we didn’t pose for a photo together. Hope to bump into the husband in Arts some day. But along the way down, I was telling them how about to go to Shen Zhen as they intended to visit the city the following day. Of course, seeing jus this adventurous side of me, they are amazed by my courage in visiting VP on my own. They kept wondering (1) why my parents are alright with me traveling to VP alone (2) why I am so brave to visit VP alone as even them feel scared (3) why I am so brave to visit Shen Zhen. Of course, my parents didn’t know I went to Shen Zhen till I came back to Singapore. And I called my mum before I left for VP as well as when I reached Kimberly.

Anyway not knowing that we can take the same train, we parted ways when reaching the MTR. While asking for the right cabin of train to take (after some failed search), I met with another lady who is back from Shen Zhen. She lives in Hk, visited Singapore couple of times before. The same response from her- why am I so brave traveling around alone?


We parted ways when I alighted. I remembered feeling happy to be in the trains. I feel closer to a local.

I went back to my hotel room. Must have felt really satisfied, the urge to share with my TP where I have been and what I have done. Upon entering the room, my TP was like- Woo so late then come back. Of course, my TP would have assumed that after parting ways, I must have gone back to Kimberly and sleep. Ha! Made my TP guess where did I go to. If my TP was surprised then it was well concealed.

Overall, this is one of the biggest lasting memories of HK and me. I jus love this bit of me. The courageous bit of me. To face up to it like a challenge. Be calm and enjoy every bit of discovery.
Such a long entry. Fingers are real tired now. If there is anything last thing I want to add, I think that it would be a nice idea to spend some time apart from your traveling partner when on holidays. No matter who your TP is, giving each other some time and total freedom to explore and do what their hearts really want to is a great idea. You can come back and exchange with each other what you have done. Though I often rely on others, or in simpler terms, highly dependent on others, a part of me wanted to be independent because only then would I get to enjoy some space, breathing space and freedom.

Anyway if you are reading till this last bit, I am glad. But I think the reason is not due to me, nor my writing but you are already attracted to Victoria Peak. *smucks* I have more about my trip to share, can you believe that!!!

Yap, its placed near my study desk... 

Finally....  

And see how creative I am? Okok maybe you would say I am dumb, silly, too bored, but never mind. Its cute, at least to me *smucks* but you dont see it, the red thingy is the shampoo box and I placed my photos inside... 

Some of the disney products that I made to dig out from Roman history... and some of the stuff that I am using... Yes disney magic...  

Photos that I developed... jus some... 

This is the back cover. 

To make you convince of the magic of apple and papaya shampoo, this is whats on the box containing the shampoo. In chinese. Basically, based on what I understand, it says this New fresh fruit product uses both apple and papaya essence, giving your hair Vitamin C. Double essence, it gives you smooth and obeying hair , making your hair charming. Jus one minute, used daily, it works! 

Ok thats what is on my study desk, something I can see every morning when I wake up too :)  

jus testing if an altered photo can be posted? 

Was writing an email to AM, telling him how much difficulties I have with coping now. Didnt expect him to call, nor come down to Arts and have lunch with me. Really appreciate that gesture. Because if not I reckoned I would skip lunch again. Usual stuff for me. I dislike eating alone. I detest that!

Though my problem remains, he brought about much joy to this mundane afternoon. Open my eyes, struggled to wake up (because I know the moment I wake up, I feel obliged to start working), skip breakfast, flip the papers, get down to work only to end up writing/ crying than reading my literature, read some pages of the journal, late lunch (when my mum/ sister comes home), shower, afternoon nap, afternoon TV, dinner, night TV, do some household chores, more night TV, forced myself to read some more pages of journal and sleep. Shucks! Lazy, unmotivated and mundane way of life.

And we too concluded that children are always children. At least he said that and I agreed. For instance I never would tell my parents (not even mum) the downs of my life. Not that I am unwilling to share, but whats the point of making them worry when they cant do much to these problems. So I kept the problems to myself. Maybe open up to close friends and my blog. The later is jus a form of my expression of problems and emotions, dont really expect people to tell me to be alright. I am not some star blogger who would get many replies. I didnt even receive half a hate mail. Maybe thats good because people who are reading arent hating me. But there bounds to be people who will hate me, or dislike me, or even want to scold me for being weak/ for liking pink/ for being a big cry baby/ for not writing properly/ for any other of that sort. So I concluded that maybe there is not enough readership to even garner hate mails. Shucks.

Back to the parents-children topic. I told him I would only let my parents know about the safe and happy stories. For instance, I only let them know that I went to Shen Zhen when I came back from HK. Because when I have gone there and back home safely, there is nothing they can nag/ discourage/ forbid/ worry about. And I will only let them know the happy stuff, limiting to those confirmed/ lasting happiness. Those one-folly-moment of happiness or bubble-happiness are out. I leave stories of adventure, sadness, worries, depression, downs, coping - to myself.

Might be going to this sandstone therapy next week with JY. Yipee! Been looking forward to it, because (1) it gets me out of the house (2) I never been to a spa nor therapy session (3) meeting JY! Jus like how I will look forward to going HK again, to take the ferry in HK, to go watch concert in HK (prefer Gu Ju Ji).......

All my strong will, my courage and determination are fake. Deep down, I know I cant do it.

I concluded that going to Victoria Peak alone, without you, demonstrates my strength, that I can do more than I thought I could. But deep down, I didnt believe it. Because it was jus a trip, because I know I will still go back to the hotel and back to you, because I know it is more of a sign of defiance than determination. So I am not as strong as I want to appear to.

I know I cant quit you, but I told people that I can. Jus like the song...

Thinking about someone is so nice
even if it is only memories...
You dont need to know I miss you

I dont want you to know I cant quit you
Just like myself drown in missing you
I dont want to escape
Anyway you would not know

JY was right about one thing she said yesterday. She said she hopes by the time school reopens (thats a matter of two weeks' time), I will be able to throw away all the rubbish. I told her I know I will and now I am doubting my own words.

If its so easy, would it need to wait till today?

From law library to supervisor' office
I walked alone along this memory lane. The only thing that has now changed is it no longer has you. Not your laughters, not your nagging, not your complaints, not your presence, not your companion, not your shadow. I am reminded once again I am very far away from you. Also reminded that I no longer will get to see you around.

In supervisor's office
For the 1 hour 15 minutes that I was in there, I didnt know that time passes this fast. But I was disappointed (for my little progress made), scared (for the future I cant see but already knew how scary it can be) and helpless (for I am all alone).

From supervisor's office to law library
I was replying sms, hoping that it can occupy my mind and heart such that I dont realise I am this lonely without you. But does it help?

In the law library. In front of computer terminal. The one we used during IA times...
I sat down and read about things in your life. Jus yesterday, so much has happened in your life, but I didnt know. Neither was I there, nor part of it- like how it would be like in the past. But again reality reminds me that this is how things would be. For now and the future. There is no turning back. There wouldnt be. But you didnt even share with me. Maybe because of things that happened earlier this week. Or maybe it was what it would turn out to be, no matter what happened earlier on. You know it hurts so much to be left out? I know I can never be part of your life from now on, and I know I will start to feel more lost. Because this is how things would turn out.

And each time reality plays its role in front of me, I can only cry. Why am I so weak?

I cried, because I am so helpless with my thesis alone. And this is jus the starting.
I cried, because I used to have you, even if its your presence.
I cried, because I dont know how to not live in the past.
I cried, because I allowed you to change my life since you came, and I dont know how to cope with this lost.
I cried, because I knew there was nothing else I can do.

I am this hopeless. I am really scared. I dont know how am I going to do the thesis all by myself.

Felt sick the whole morning, though the morning has jus started. Felt like vomitting but couldnt. Feeling cold too.

Anyway, was watching TV for a couple of hours last night. Ya not in the mood to read my literature. And knowing the results for Superstar, was too tired to do anything else but go to bed. Was rather disappointed with the guy's results. Still think that its crazy, but really what can anyone else do anything. Nothing. Guess life also includes accepting what you dont like. Jus couldnt understand why the guy was out and someone else could still remain in the competition. But someone with potential future cash flow wouldnt really need to worry about that. Argh!

Anyway meeting supervisor later. Hope can get some progress. And hope what I am doing will bring me on the right track.

Yippee! 

Disney cleaning foam 

Ok for those who cant get hold of Apple & Papaya (including me when I finished my one and only bottle) this is the next best alternative you can get in Singapore. Orange Tea Tree 

Yummy!!!!! 

Where else is better than this? Apple and papaya!  

thats Wave salon, once again... okok u are sick of WS already ya... i get it 

My HK nicest memories... all up there  

Today's topic on my HK trip is the streets of Hk. I think that is the main difference between us and HK, and one of HK's biggest attraction. If people comment that we are bored, then probably we are missing out on the essence in terms of street culture.

I think street culture or i.e. streets of Hk has few distinctive characteristics. First, the neon lights is really well known. Featured in postcards, all HK dramas and anywhere you see possibly spot HK. It brightens the streets, making it so beautiful at night. Of course, the scene from Victoria Peak is amazing and overwhelming. Though similar from Shanghai's Pearl Tower, I really cant make a comparison between both of them. I jus thought that view from HK's VP makes you feel as though HK is really close to hearts, while Shanghai's PC makes you see the buzzing and glamours side of this rising city.

Second, it has to be the people. The people form the culture. They are very rich, in terms of their fashion sense. From head to top, it is as though everyone has their own style, as though they have the potential X factors. This is their strength. But I guess being used to being myself and from where I come from, I think this street culture is a little far from my stretch. But it still boils down to a matter of getting used to it.

Third, it has to be the shops along the streets. Besides Far East and Hereen (which is incomparable if taken to Shen Zhen- but thats another point), unique shops selling their own products is rare here, making the numerous little shops in HK very worth exploring. Though prices can vary from relatively cheap to expensive, the uniqueness and local flavour is really strong. Pity that we are always behind the crowd, not fast or special enough to take the lead.
Hence I jus luv walking along the streets of HK! Thats something I luv most. Yes discard Victoria Peak, discard Avenue of Stars, discard food of HK, discard fashion of HK, discard everything- jus give me HK streets. You feel totally at ease walking along the streets, very familar Asian environment yet unique in its own light. Walking among the crowd, taking the MTR I feel more like a local than a tourist. I like this feeling! So 6 stars to HK streets (on a benchmark of 5)!

p/s- jusme.sy@gmail.com (password- onlymesy)

Ok as promised, today's topic on my HK trip is on rather randoml. Erm going to be a short one since I wasted much of my morning already.

People always said that because of the dense population living in Hk, the environment is not that good, i.e. quality of air, quality of living. Well, as a tourist (though tried hard to do things like a local) of 6 days 5 nights, I cant comment on that.

Another thing is I find the indoors temperature jus nice, never too warm yet never too cold. There was never a time when I feel like I am in a freezor. Really dont get why some places love to blust the air cond as though it doesnt consume energy.

Last point on HK. I think my journal book smells Kimberly! Really! I was looking for something written in the book and Oh that familiar Kimberly smell.

Anyway was watching Superstar jus now. Was till a few days ago was I reminded that one of them is my friend. Haha! His performance for this round isnt too bad. Jus think that he has the potential i.e. future cash flow. I feel that the pick of a superstar shouldnt jus based on current value, but more on pending cash flow. You need to find one that the market currently is lacking,
no point getting one that is a mix of XX and YY. Of course, as to those with unclear life orientation, as till now, I dont give a YES to them.

After sunday night's down-swing, monday's rattling and today's episode, I learnt much from my own mood swings and emotional turmoil. Surprisingly sounding alright after a couple of hours?

While of course much happened in between, but I am better now. Jus that perhaps a big cryout ( jus to let go of any remaining emotions) and a good sleep sound see me in a better position.
But anyway I dont think anyone is keeping up to what I write. Its ok. I tend to write more especially when I am traveling alone. Ya, can literally write a blog entry in my mind while on the bus and come home to type. Wish I know how to mobile-blog.

What I learnt from this week's episode
1. It happened because I am unclear over what I want.
2. And now after everything, I am clear of what I want. I do not need an identification, nor a queue number. I guess I jus need things to remain as closely as it was in the past. For instance, two people get marry, but they dont get marry for the certification. The certification is something they get along the way. Ok in simplier terms, you dont go to the supermarket to get a receipt to prove that you own an item but you go to the supermarket to get that item. So is that receipt really that important? Perhaps. But even without the receipt, it doesnt mean that you dont own that item. So I dont need recognition. I dont need a "friend" or "good friend" status anymore. I jus need it. Needing it doesnt mean I am not over with it. I guess all the intensive interaction for the past 2 years created too much difference in my life that I can no longer do with it. But I am ready to move on already.
3. I dont really care what people think or say of me. If they want to think I am weak, or that I am jus so stubborn then go ahead. It doesnt bother me. I dont need to admit if I am weak, or if I am stubborn if I dont want. Anyway I would say I am both- weak yet stubborn. But it doesnt matter to anyone except me. So it shall not bother anyone too.
4. Some friendships once again prove that they are strong enough to go through your life's ups and downs.
5. Life comes with all the plus and the minus, the ups and downs, the black, white and pink. If life presents you with a package of happiness, you never know how unhappiness is and thereby happiness has no value to you. It is in the midst of unhappiness that you realise you have a very strong will, a very strong self and you see yourself struggling for happiness. A friend once mentioned, everything that comes goes. Everything that starts will one day end. As far as I still remain hopeful to find at least lasting relationships, I know everything that is discussed above applies to many things in life. Growing up brings about all these mood swings. I am not scared to be myself, because I am growing up each single moment.

Refreshing lessons from Roman's times
1. You dont always get what you want in life jus because you want it.
2. Expect nothing but the unexpected.

The whole emotional track today: from sad to scared to scawning ( a word I invent so that they all start with the letters 'S' but it actually means yawning).

Things you are too busy to know (so you can skip this part if you are really too busy) but I am too excited to not mention it.
1. My hair is very soft from using Apple & Papaya shampoo and hair conditioning. Brand: Rejoice. Country of purchase: China, Shen Zhen. Earliest possible time to reach there: ½ hour taxi ride to Changi Airport, 1 hour check-in (if you are lucky), 3 hours Cathay Pacific flight to HK International Airport, ½ bus ride to Tsim Sha Tsin, ¾ hour MTR ride to Luo Wu, ¼ hour customs clearing, 1/3 hour bus ride to Mao Ye Shi Cang, Dong Meng.
2. I received 3 of the postcards I send to myself. Together with the photos I developed, the little corner of my study desk is now Mini-HK. Luv it!
3. I don’t know how soft, smooth and silky my hair until I stepped out of the house. Ok stop it! Stop the talk about your hair, dumb girl.
4. jusme.sy@gmail.com is set up for my friends and any readers of my blog siying.blogspot.com. Password being: onlymesy. It is created mainly to allow you to know me more- when you aren’t too busy. Of course I cant deny because I am relatively quite bored.
5. I am alright already. Actually I should be quite happy if not for being tired.

Going to leave here. Hope that the bus ride home will do some good to my brain, my heart, my soul and my tears.

Anyway I hadnt written about my HK trip as yet. Maybe later. Jus not in the mood now.

I have set up a gmail account for my readers. Yes for you guys, if any out there. Of course the counter doesnt really count since I visit my own site and read my own blog endless times. And each time when I post a photo, the counter takes 1 count. Jus wanted to bring you one step closer to my life. And the fact is I have so many gmail accounts that I hope gmails dont check on me already. Oh same to yahoo. Oh after the hacking of blog and gmail account saga (before it I already been doing so), they all have different passwords, if you are curious.

Anyway the gmail account meant for you guys is
jusme.sy@gmail.com
password being onlymesy

This account is created so that
1. you can go there to download the songs that i am currently listening to
2. you can go there to download anything that i mention on my blog but dont know how to upload it up there
3. you can send anything you want to say to me from there so to maintain annoyomous (jus remember to delete from the SENT mail
4. you jus have nothing to do
5. I have nothing better to do
6. I am trying to find things to do

Going to send something there. Hopefully it doesnt get un-utilize or under-utilize.

If I am a well, I am dried by now. I have no more water left in the well, so jus let me stop crying would you. Wish JY was here. I really couldnt take it.

Maybe really my dearest pal can understand this only. The rest will think that I am rattling rubbish. But never mind its my blog, I can write what I want. And I have to write, to express my emotions, hoping that my hurt will be reduced, that sadness will fade away faster. I have to write, to stop my tears from running faster than my fingers. I have to write, to vent everything out so that I can continue with my tomorrow.

I cant imagine I jus send out one of the longest text messages. 5 text messages in total. And today did I realise that there is a limit to how long your nick can be on msn. But it hurt so much. It doesnt hurt because I cant get what I want. From some long ago Roman history, I already understood the cruel yet utter truth of life- I cant always have what I want, jus because I wanted it. I learnt it well. Especially from you. You always make me feel like I am living on a thin line, always make me expect all the unexpected. So what else hadnt I learnt well enough to cause me all my tears?

I guess I hadnt learn well to be all so independent. Because I was so dependent. So dependent on you, such that it makes myself believe I cant do with you, that you can solve all my unpeaceful emotions, that you can solve my unachievable. Well, you did, but really so what. You have to leave, like everyone else. Like everyone else that I have lost, that have left.

But do you know what all my rattling is about? I dont think you do, since you cant bother with anything now. But do you treasure this friendship. I know treasuring friendship is not achieved by merely writing : Yes I treasure our friendship. But when things happen, sometimes I wonder if I ever exist before in your life. I ever exist in whatever-your-category-of-friends-or-not-friends. Because it seems that I find no traces of me in your memories, that I find no existence of me in your dont-know-how-many-categories. Because it seems that you never bother what this friend is doing, how this friend is. But of course, if I have to blurnt, I know you. I know you arent someone to call up and ask how am I. And not doing that doesnt mean that you didnt care, but you care in your manner. J used to say that by not doing what one expect doesnt mean that one is not doing. Jus that all these and whatever had happened jus made me so sick. So sick of always the one who is overly concerned over you. So sick of being a shadow in your life. So sick of being a ghost in your life. Ya?

Everything that has to be said is made clear in those countless and long sms. If you want to further build a wall or any or that sort, there is nothing I can do. If not, then like many-of-you-and-my-befores, the next time we will appear as though nothing has happened. As though no text messages of that sort is exchanged. As though there is no line that needs to be drawn further.

I can only cry and hope that the sunshine is strong enough to dry them.

Couldnt sleep last night. Dont know was because of that issue or it was because of my late afternoon nap. Whatever!

Was on my way here did I receive the sms. Haha I thought so that is it. Zen and JY thought I should say my piece. Made known what I am upset over. Though I dont think it helped. Anyway I know it didnt help. But I guess the way the sms was phrased, I was pissed. Pissed? Or upset? So a string of sms continued till I reached the lab. There was no one around when I arrived. I was in the super duper zuper bad mood because I was practically throwing my phone, my wallet on the desk. Tears threatened to flow. The string of sms, of course, didnt end in a very peaceful manner, though I phrased it so fakely that it should. By right, you should get that fake meaning and smile if you read it. But does it matter. You didnt acknowledge that there was a problem, neither you acknowledge my existence. It hurts so much but I have to smile and tell you that I have already declare myself to be The ghost to you. I know nothing matters to you already. So while you trying very hard to play with the words, you let me be whatever I want. You let me continue to be the ghost.

Did it end. I dont know. Was it peaceful. No it wasnt. At least not to me. It hurts and I sit here, awaiting anytime for the tears to blurst and wet my face.

Mum brought the photos back jus now. Sometimes seeing the photos and I wondered was it me inside the photos? Why are those memories so short. Maybe because it is barely a week since I came back from HK.

I relooked the photos in my computer countless times. Recalling different snaps of memory each time... jus like UNO is one of the first shops that we thought we wanted to go. But too bad it didnt turn out like what we thought it would be.

As time goes by, I would soon forget a large part of the trip memories. Occasionally being reminded by those photos. But I know I was really happy back then.
Arranging to see which are the postcards and photos I want to paste on my study desk. You are also part of my memory. Always.

Listening to Gu Ju Ji's concert songs can even bring tears to my eyes! Argh. I am so made up of tears. Maybe 90% water instead of ordinarily 70%. Silly me. Anyway jus finished writing a story, titled: Remembering HK. I remebered I wrote "Remembering China in a different light" a year ago.

The first fumble of the semester came today. Real early, I must say. Without my friends (Yes either I have too little friends, or I happened to make friends whom all didnt stay for the honours years), I was handly and leggy (I know there is no such english words) when it comes to bidding. Blusting Gu Ju Ji's songs so loudly in my room, trying to drive the scary bug and the lonely bug away. The only console, if any, is that my hair remains soft, smooth and silky, jus like the day when I came out of Wave Salon, running across the HK streets back to the arms of Kimberly. The only thing to anticipate is when dad comes home today, he would bring the photos too!

Been on bed for 10 over hours. Wondered how long exactly was I soundly asleep, and how long when I wasnt.

Anyway today's topic on my HK trip is about the plane. Took Cathay Pacific to HK. Was served drinks, breakfast on my way there and dinner on my way home. We did concluded that paying a little more to sit on established airlines that served drinks and meals seem like a better option than on new budget airlines that do not. Of course, safely is always a consideration as well. As you see, breakfast comes in the western and the chinese style. Not that bad, I would say. As for
dinner served while on the way back to Singapore, I barely have any appetite for it. The smell was enough to keep me full. But I still have a bite. Choose the fish set, so I finished the ginger fish, leaving the rice intact. Ate half the bar of ice- cream, drank two glasses of coke. Though 3 hours on board is considered short, it can get quite tiring. I will jus doze off, waking up only to the canto music. Didnt really watch movies though, kinda straining to the eyes and neck.Everything on board is alright, nothing to complain about. Jus that sometimes the announcement done by the air stewardness can be jerky. First timer, I reckoned.

Jus finished with my shower. Used the apple & papaya shampoo, which is ultra fragrant. On top of that, I tried the apple & papaya conditioner and OMG its excellent stuff! It makes my hair so soft, smooth and silky. I make sure the next time I go back, I buy enough to last me for at least a year or so!!! I dont care, its jus so good.

I am someone who is very sentimental. Which is, I admit, a good yet a bad character trait. People like me treasure friendships, kinship and memories. But at the same time, people like me get hurt for being too stubborn in the midst of treasuring especially friendships and memories.

Listening to this 10minutes plus music clip by Gu Ju Ji. Its part of his super duper popular 05 concert held in HK. Whenever I passed by a VCD shop in HK, they would play his concert clips, and I would stand there for a moment or two, totally captured by his singing. Yes nothing other than his singing. In particular not his orientation, if rumours were true. Not that I despise him, but at least due to everything that is going on in my life, there is no way I can agree upon
it. Anyway I heard this music clip on the plane, so when I could find and download it today, I was rather happy. It will always remind me of my HK trip.

I cant believe that it was less than a week from my trip that I can be feeling unhappy. Unhappy by similar issues. Shucks! Maybe its my retribution for feeling so happy those days. It jus makes me more insecured of happiness

After almost 2 hours, I barely done much.

Anyway today the sky didnt stop crying, a reflection of my current mood.

Still you didnt want to talk to me. Sometimes I wondered if it should be the other way round. Shucks! Anyway please remind myself to stop feeling scared of the future, because no matter how scared I can be, the future will still come. Instead I should brave myself to face it. Rather than feeling scared every now and then. How insecured I am.

Anyway it was mainly because what happened jus now. I went to the library to borrow a book and the librarian was saying that ' Oh I thought you graduated already'. Then I was like Shucks!. Anyway then I went through the course outline of Global Strategic Management, a level 4 module, I got so scared. Though its not the math kind of modules... I am doing it alone. And its largely group based. Shucks x 100! Tell me what to do.

I know you would say, jus do it, you can, I have faith in you. Sometimes I dont know if this is pure blindness when someone tells me that he/she has faith in me. I know thats the most you can do but I really always think if I can trust you or the content.

Feeling slightly better after meeting today's lunch companion, JY. Guess I still need some time to get over the hurt. Though I am desperately trying to move on, knowing more seems to hurt me more. Thanks for the support...

Anyway we talked about going to HK next year. Hopefully it will come true. Think both of us would make great traveling partners with each other! And with my experience of going HK before, I reckoned I wouldnt be that bad at road directions and stuff like that. So cross our fingers and pray.

Shall continue with today's topic of my HK trip. Planned to talk about my traveling partner. But this plan is indefinitely shelved. Guess the best sharing of today about my trip is: that I was once unhappy while in HK.

Guess it was partially because of overdose of shopping, lack of sleep and rest, as well as something my TP said (but I wasnt pretty alright, my friends would agree too)- so I was unhappy. I didnt speak for some time, merely jus walking and following my TP. Actually I told myself, I am in HK, how can I be unhappy. So I was alright after a while. Jus wanted to not talk to my TP for a while. But things resume to the normal state at night during dinner time, when we were both exhausted (from all the walking), hungry (also from all the walking) and desperate (for we jus couldnt find any seats).

Anyway dad helped me to develop some photos that I took in HK. See how it goes today. Should get starting already. Its 2pm!

When JY mentioned that I shall not go back on my promise to visit HK next year with her, I am quite happy. Very actually. Guess I would enjoy HK in a different light with her. Probably we would be great traveling partners too :) I think so !!! So lets pray hard that we are going together next year. Yes, even if both of us also must go....smucks 

My travel book... always will bring one with me...  

A closer look... :)  

Jus send this to JY. Yap, thats my memory of where Kimberly is, and the surroundings :)