My story: Might be who

As I saw in front of my computer, with the fan once again blowing at my face, the clock reads 12:56am.
Finance text always teaches you how to calculate probability and variance, these kind of stuff. But really, so many things in life are not as easy as applying the figures and formulas and you would get the answer.
I really wasn’t waiting for whomever or whatever that sees my player singing Right Here Waiting. Even if there is some waiting, I am waiting for the answer within me, if there is. They say there is, my friend and even the DJ.
But really, was the answer very important? Or by being afraid of finding the answer, it is already a signal of me knowing the answer? Like usual, I will reply I don’t know.

There are a million and two things that I don’t have answers for. Life itself doesn’t come with the ten- years- series format, questions and answers provided. We find, we search, we go all over, just to find answers in our life. To find meanings and purposes and hope, and whatever else that drives us. I just pray that I would someday find the answers I want in life (nothing to do with whatever current situation is now).
I couldn’t say that I’m not happy with my life now, because I begin to console and encourage myself that I am not as bad I thought I am, and I have enough to stop complaining. So I’m not very fussed about those unpleasant, or rather less pleasant stuff going around (of course that excludes my dislike for my new phone).

I have my parents to drop me at school whenever they can; I have a sister who listens to my complaints/ grumblings/ screaming/ shouting whenever my computer stops functioning properly/ someone I don’t like was on tv/ the file takes super long to be attached; I have friends who would call and talk to me; I have friends who would click on my siying: feel like crying (my msn nick just a few days ago) to ask me what’s wrong; I have friends who allow me to write reports because I love to write (haha that’s the only reason?); I have a functioning computer that is still allowing me to play right here waiting and see me write in the middle of the night; I have a room of myself; I have my own blog of one year plus and five hundreds over blogs…

But didn’t they always say that when you invest in a company, you don’t always look at the present situation of the company? Because every other investor will has this set of publicly available information. Moreover you need to look at the company’s future developments and potentials to determine its investment value. So what are my future developments and potentials?

Once again, you get a no and a blank look from me.
Or maybe that’s what it’s supposed to me? Life doesn’t come with answers and of course you wouldn’t know what your future is like. Investors would at most value the company based on their judgments, which can go either way too.

So I shall be contended with such a situation right? (I didn’t say I am not contended by the way.)
It’s just that I realized I kind of lost that drive, that motivation and that passion, that fighting spirit in me. I don’t know if it is so even. I just thought so.

Sounds like another piece of blue-ly entry from me.
Oceans are apart/ Days after days…/ I see you next to never (the song sang)

I couldn’t find the moment of spark/ But was it important/ Especially fireworks lit on one side of the river/And did anyone build a bridge/ I couldn’t find you in my life/ Even though I wish it wasn’t so/ I let things hang on there; let the time pass/Maybe someday I will forget it too/I didn’t tell you so/Am I following my heart/Tell me where my heart is heading/

The writer’s note Actually there are many songs that I would like to listen to tonight. Maybe because it’s been so late and it’s rarely that I am still awake now. I don’t have school tomorrow but this week’s been spending on revision for Business Policy mid- term test on Saturday.

The player is playing: Might be you by Kai. If you couldn’t recall the song, it goes something like
TimeI have been passing time watching trains go by/ All of my life/ Lying on the sand/ Watching sea birds fly/ Wishing there would be / Someone waiting home for me/ Something’s telling me it might be you/ It’s just telling me it might be you/All of my life

Was talking to si xian and Zen just now. Hadn’t click to talk to Doc Tan lately. He’s busy and me? Maybe its time for my “next doctor appointment”. But he always advocates self- cure. Or was it just occasionally mood swings. Whatever. (See I even lose the energy to ask why)

Let you read something“The rusty metal shutter opens… At 9:05 on a Wednesday morning, when the neighbourhood is bustling with activities, the rusty metal shutter of a shop was pulled up. Looking into the shop, nothing is more prominent than the metal bars that separate the staff and his customers. If you are wondering, yes, this is a scene outside Loong Shing Pawnshop (Pte) Ltd, your traditional pawnshop.” Guess what’s this?

Just make a guess. But I think some of my friends already know. They keep hearing me ask/ talk/ write about pawnshops already. It’s the opening paragraph for my IT report. Haha. Surprised? Zen said it sounds like TCS next drama serials. I smiled. Talking on MSN can sometimes be so spa- like. At least there’s someplace I could talk to my friends. Anyway if you are still curious, the topic for the project is: Business Value of IT, and we choose pawnshops. Am said he hadn’t hear any project on pawnshops before, so it proved that our choice is quite good. Untapped market, fresh ideas. Alright, enough, like I hadn’t had enough of school work. Crazy me over the report (last sentence: looking forward to a good presentation next Monday + a good mid- term performance on Saturday)… Looking forward to a good night of sleep, even though I am hungry now. Too lazy to eat anyway.

Eric Clapton’s Wonderful Tonight. . ends the night