She is growing well despite the cold.

One reason why sometimes things dont bother me is because I cannot be bothered with them. Other times I had it hidden so well that it no longer will bother me. Things will pass, things will get better, nothing matters, the race is still long, I always remind myself. I want to wake up and face a new day, afresh and refresh. Swimming helps. It helps alot, especially when all the energy are focused on something physical.

Maybe this would appear harsh and unfamiliar but I am still very much who I am minus moments of thinking of the past. Having bad memories help anyway. Jus dont keep me in the cycles.

And its not denial. It feels great even if I cant feel anything.

If there is one thing I want to tell you today
Nothing. I have nothing for the past.

I've resisted listening repeatingly to the 36seconds clip of a short piano piece with Jay's Vani. But the only consequence from (over)doing what I like is to be sick of the song by the time its out and the risk is low. For this, there is nothing to hide.