And so, it seems like the 36seconds clip was never going to be part of a song. But still in my world it shall be, that 36seconds of it.

In a split second I felt asleep in the class when it was about Data Tables.

Giving me something to do for Saturdays seem like a workable idea. I stop wasting time though there is always a struggle between needing some time for myself to relax and having too much of that.

A stock-check- at least the year, that is about to pass, seems alittle more accountable even if at the same time I hadnt seem to achieve anything. When the year comes to an end, we'll do a proper year recap and a projection.

And you know its almost Christmas when you hear christmas songs playing as you dip in and out of the pool. Of course the rainings (and flooding) remind you nevertheless.

She is growing well despite the cold.

One reason why sometimes things dont bother me is because I cannot be bothered with them. Other times I had it hidden so well that it no longer will bother me. Things will pass, things will get better, nothing matters, the race is still long, I always remind myself. I want to wake up and face a new day, afresh and refresh. Swimming helps. It helps alot, especially when all the energy are focused on something physical.

Maybe this would appear harsh and unfamiliar but I am still very much who I am minus moments of thinking of the past. Having bad memories help anyway. Jus dont keep me in the cycles.

And its not denial. It feels great even if I cant feel anything.

If there is one thing I want to tell you today
Nothing. I have nothing for the past.

I've resisted listening repeatingly to the 36seconds clip of a short piano piece with Jay's Vani. But the only consequence from (over)doing what I like is to be sick of the song by the time its out and the risk is low. For this, there is nothing to hide.

I was told that oh my god is one of my pet phrase. Today was one of those days that I wanted to scream oh my god. But that was only for a moment, for that moment. What had happened was again a blur between a win and a lose, and while I have no way to be judgemental, I was judging myself constantly, which tires me down.

Maybe I should jus take a week off and do nothing at all. Absolutely.

And that 36 seconds preview of what would be a piano piece had me sticking by the player all night listening to Vani has a date, lets enjoy.

This is already the 3rd this week. Not very coincidentally, there was something similar last Christmas.

Because everyone else was away, I could play the music quietly at my place and when it doesn’t rain it sure looks brighter with the window shades up.

Grandma remembered that I have shown her the previous card. This looks like the previous card but did you notice the 5 little flowers popping up that makes it different.
Are things always what we remembered them to be, or are memories always better than they really were. At least it was the latter for me so now I stopped looking back.

I was the only to think it has ended but life never work out the way you thought it will. Jus like when the shades will be up for a week, it wasnt going to be a sunny one to have much rays. And maybe much of it has ended but as much has survived, the same kind as though it was never meant to be yet somehow meant to be still. Is there going to be a decision, and if it will automatically be a wrong one.

It does feel like the flowers are blooming in winter.

If you kick the waters hard enough, you wouldnt notice the rain. I am either very optimistic or live well in an enclosed cell.

Why am I in a hurry,
I am not

Why am I not in a hurry,
I didnt have a choice

Anyway I think its almost winter and so has swimming becomes a winter sport.

There is a tinge of downside emotions and maybe it is due to the frequent rains. It feels as though something is lost when nothing is lost.

I probably need to develop some photos to attach along but their flight details are as follow:
Orange-yellow: going to Paris
Blue-green: going to New South Wales
Cream: going to Garmisch-Partenkirchen
If I have the time I will get one along the way to Barcelona too.

I might have overworked for a Sunday. For perhaps the unobvious stress of list of To Do, I woke up at 9am again. Cleared up some of the mess in the room, read the papers, did olive oil treatment for hair, go through the policies, write the christmas cards.

I think I need a swim again.

They make my day

Left: (the name of the card) Raincoat with green boots
Right: Flowery girl in blue

Alien's christmas

Up the mountain; totally very garmisch-partenkirchen. I miss that place.

Yellow autumn

What made my day were the two mini art spree and saturday's class that ended early. And shopping for art stuff at Big Bookshop, the neighbour bookstore (alright, they have three other branches and I knew it only today), is rewarding. Neighbourhood bookstores, like wet markets should be allowed to exist in our midst of expanding networks of MNCs.