So much happened yesterday night that I dont know what to say or where to start. But I wrote a story on it, and pasted part of it here. You probably wouldnt know what its all about but jus to say, I am ok now.

Yesterday I cried but I am alright now. All the tension seemed to have faded away when the sunshine shone again. Thanks for being around and thanks for appreciating me for being around.

Seriously I need to get some work done. I had been bumming around since I woke up. So what I will do now is shower, lunch and yes work on my dear thesis. I realised I really love doing what I am doing now. Despite the fact that I was at Suntec yesterday, believe me, I wasnt into any shopping. I didnt even walk into any shops! And seeing all the new shops, I realised it had been such long time since I had been at Suntec also. Oh, I would have been one of the last who saw the remaining Christmas decorations. No complains. In fact I am enjoying my current lifestyle though I know it will end soon.

Well, enjoy my story.

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When we went for dinner, hardly any words were spoken.

We sat opposite each other. I don’t think we even dare to exchange glares.

We don’t want to see each other in the eye, for fear that the glares might tell more than the silence.

I concentrated on my food, as though it was so delicious that I can hardly put down the chopsticks.

You ate at similarly rapid speed as well.

We both had a “him” in our minds.

For a moment, when you finished, you stood up and left. You said you will go book a room in K-box.

That moment, I was left looking at my own reflection. For once, I really didn’t think it was a bad thing to eat alone.

Part one of the tension evening is over.

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I told you that I can’t cope. I don’t know how to cope.

You asked if it was my thesis. I replied, saying that my thesis was hardly moving (since I hadn’t been doing much work over Christmas, and my productivity for the day was low).

You said then things weren’t be so bad. You said if I don’t know what I can’t cope, you wouldn’t have known either.

I told you briefly what happened through the night.

Till a point, I really broke down in tears. I told you that I really hope he doesn’t do anything foolish and give up on himself. As much as he hadn’t done such stuff before but I really don’t know what he might do in times of depression. I told you the email I wrote. In the email, I wrote that as much as there is nothing much we could do for you, we would always be there to support you, to listen to you, to be with you. So if you need someone to lean on, we would always be there. And that you would have a beautiful future ahead, and while you might not have seen it now, that day will come. And we would always be there for you, so don’t give up on yourself, because we had never wanted to give up on you.

Tell me how not to cry.

You were trying to tell me how to “manage…” but I couldn’t get anything in. Instead, I raised my voice to tell you that I don’t need a solution from you, I jus need you to listen to me. I said that I don’t need you telling me all the human resource management theories to me. So you kept quiet and listened and barely spoke.

I told you that I jus need someone to listen to me. Someone for me to lean on because I can’t be strong all the time.

When I stopped crying, I told you I want to go back. I told you that I will call later and you must pick up the phone. You agreed.

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