I felt like I am a married woman who keeps running back to my mother's home. Well this is because I am back in Buz Ad the second time in the past 3 weeks.

Thought that since I am working from home, I should take this opportunity to go back school. Also, it was jus a couple of days before when best friend said we could go back Buz ad for lunch as he missed the Western Food did I want to revisit the memories. We might do so next week(before I go back to the office) if I am not too stubborn. A part of me wanted to appear as if we never share that much memories though I know it is never a truth.

The previous time when I was back, I went around visiting the librarians since my Prof was away. Because of some unresolved matters, as much as I was happy to be back in school, I felt as though a part of me, and a part of the biz ad memories had died away.

This time round when I was back, there is no constant pain subconsciously though I was wondering if I ever could be happy while in the shuttle bus to Buz ad. My Prof has a lunch meeting so we could talk briefly only. But along the way, Prof K and Prof L stopped to talk to me and I suddenly felt like I really was somebody that was remembered by some people. But it is also because I am always around in school and always going to them to ask questions. Haha.

Jus yesterday were WL, SQ and me discussing about how much we missed school. WL realises that she isnt the only one who missed school whenSQ pretended that it is her off days and so she hadnt been in school, while I thought I was on attachment and would go back school when the next semester starts. But I know that even if I would to go back to school to further my studies, the place that I miss, things would never be the same again. I would not have that same friends with me to hang around in Buz Ad canteen for mango sago. Neither would I have those friends in the computer lab with me dreaming about finishing our thesis and going for our graduation trip. Maybe the concept of "missing" is so strong because we knew those days were never going to happen again. We never could re-live those days and so knowing that this particular chapter in our lives has since concluded made us miss it so much.

I supposed the concept of "missing school" will become vague such that we jus know we miss those days but it would become something that we are not able to go back to. I suppose I remained very close to the fact that I am a fresh graduate but if all I see everyday is the office, it wouldnt be a thought that could maintain for long.

But it wasnt Day 1 when I love school. I knew back in year 1, I told myself that I have to be happy jus simply because others might want to be in my shoes (ie to be in university) and so I should be happy. Of course things become so much better that I love school simply because I love doing what I did. Jus thankful it didnt turn out in any other way. Jus that I could conclude myself to be a piece of wood- takes so long to adapt (ie takes time to heat up) and takes as long to take up another identity (ie takes time to lose heat).

If there is one thing I want to tell you today
The more hurting bit probably isnt when I heard others asking if we are seeing each other. In fact it is more hurting when I think it is a pity. And, back at the usual seat in canteen.